Disclaimer:  I do not own Gundam Wing and any of the characters involved with it, and I do not own the song Reflection.  Gundam Wing belongs to its creators, and Reflection belongs to Disney from the animated movie Mulan and to Christina Aguilera. *sigh* So please do not sue me.  I promise you will not get a thing because I do not have anything you want. 
 

 
Chapter 1:  Soul Searching
 
Look at me.  You may think you see who I really am, but you'll never know me.  Everyday it's as if I play a part.  Now I see if I wear a mask, I can fool the world, but I cannot fool my heart.
 
Relena Dorlain sat on the balcony outside of her room.  She was in a deck chair looking at the sky.  There was a full moon and stars filling the sky.  The night looked so calm and peaceful.  It was too bad Relena could not share a similar mood with the night.  Even the cool breeze the wind blew would not simmer her temper.  She has been Vice Foreign Minister for five years, and she still felt like nothing in her life has changed.  Everyday she is bombarded with diplomatic problems on issues involving the Earth and the Colonies, and she is forever sorting through the endless paperwork mounted on her desk.  People always come to her for advice, and over the years she gladly gave it.  However, lately it just did not seem enough.  Sometimes she felt like she talked to thin air.  She felt invisible.  When people looked at her, they saw a pretty face that could speak a bunch of fancy words.  No one has ever tried to get to know the real Relena Dorlain. 
 
"Maybe I don't know who I am myself." She said to herself.
 
She suddenly felt a chill.   "Goodness, the nights are starting to get colder."  It is only the beginning of September, so she thought it to be unusual to have chilly weather this early in the year.  Goose bumps formed on her arms. Then she thought maybe it isn't the night air causing her goose bumps.  She always got goose bumps whenever she experienced a sense of uneasiness.  'Man, not only do I have a miserable life, but now I'm making myself paranoid,' she thought.  She looked over her balcony, and there was not a soul in sight.  'See nothing to worry about Relena, you chicken.' However, she did still feel chilly, so she decided to go back into her room anyway.  She made sure to lock the balcony door just to be on the safe side. 
 
She had gotten ready for bed earlier, but she still was not tired.  There was no way she could sleep.  She had too much on her mind.  Relena sat down in front of her vanity mirror to brush her hair.
 
Who is that girl I see starring straight back at me?  When will my reflection show who I am inside?  I am now in a world where I have to hide my heart and what I believe in.  But somehow I will show the world what's inside my heart and be loved for who I am.
 
"There must be more to life.  Everyone I know found a happy life.  When will it be my turn?" 
 
She continued to stare at herself in the mirror.  "I am so sick and tired of feeling lonely and unwanted.  The only people that continue to hang around me are all the same old stuffed shirts who think if they become my friend they will climb the diplomatic ladder faster." She snorted in disgust.  "How naive do they think I am?  I can see straight through their fake facade.  So why do they insist on continuing to bother me!"
 
Relena sighed then looked down at her hands, which were now clinched into fists on her lap.  She saw a drop splash on her hand.  She looked back into the mirror.  Tears slid down her face.  She was crying but not making a sound.
 
Who is that girl I see staring straight at me?  Why is my reflection someone I don't know?  Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time?  When will my reflection show who I am inside?
 
"Well, of course I know my brother and Noin, who is very much like a sister to me, will always be there for me.  However, Milliardo can sometimes be so overbearing and overprotective it is not even funny." She made another sound of disgust. 
 
"I also know that the ex-Gundam pilots are friends I can trust, but I feel like they have forgotten me.  I haven't talked to any of them in months." She said in a barely audible voice. 
 
The pilots still worked part-time with the Preventer organization, but each also led their own lives.  She sometimes would see one of them at the base, when she would visit the Preventer compound on business.  However, she could not remember the last time she had a friendly conversation with any of them that did not include business matters.
 
"Duo and Hilde are happily married for two years now.  Quatre is busy with his family's enterprise, and he is dating Dorothy.  Trowa and his sister, Catharine, still perform for the circus." She wistfully sighed.  "I bet performing high flying acrobatics is as close as one gets to flying, without getting in a plane or mobile suit of course.  I wonder if the freedom is as exhilarating as it sounds." She sighed again at the thought.  "Even Wufei seems happy.  He and Sally are married and now have a beautiful newborn baby girl.  I wonder if I'll ever know the joy of a loving husband and a beautiful child."
 
Suddenly feeling aggravated with herself.  Relena stood up very quickly, almost knocking her chair over in the process, and slammed her fists onto her dresser top. 
 
"Why must I always feel so damn sorry for myself?  I should not begrudge everyone else their happiness!  They deserve it.  Damn it, even Heero probably found some smidgen of the happiness he deserves, so why should he ever have to come back!" She yelled at her image in the mirror. 
 
There's a heart that must be free to fly that burns with a need to know the reason why.  Why must we all conceal what we mean, how we feel?  Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?  I won't pretend I'm someone else for all time.  When will my reflection show who I am inside?
 
Relena sighed again as she turned and walked over to her bed.  She sat down on the edge then threw herself backward, her arms falling above her head.  For a while she just stared at the ceiling.  If the truth were to be told, she missed all the pilots.  However, she missed Heero the most.
 
" I wonder where he is now, and what he's doing?" 
 
It has almost been a year since the last time she saw Heero.  Not since he decided to take a long leave of absence from the Preventers.  He never even said good-bye.  He told Lady Une, the head officer of the Preventers, there were some things he needed to take care of.  Lady Une gave her permission.  She told him he deserved a break for every sacrifice he ever made for the Colonies, as well as the Earth. 
 
Relena did not even hear of his departure until the next day.  Lady Une gave her the news in a meeting the next morning they had in her office.  At first, it hurt that he just up and left, but after a minute Relena realized he needed to leave.  She would not of tried, even if she could, to stop him if he would have come to tell her.  She never even bothered to look for him either.  She no longer played the role of a love-crazed schoolgirl.  Relena understood his reasons for leaving, but boy did she miss him.
 
In the past, whenever she felt lost, alone, or afraid all she had to do was look into Heero's eyes to find strength and courage.  Relena always believed that someone's eyes were the key to their soul.  Heero always had a genuine spark in him that no one else possessed.  Yes, she saw the pain and suffering he endured that he hide behind his cold stare, but sometimes when he looked her way she felt warmth.  It was something she could not even explain to herself.  Especially since words of warmth and kindness seldom came from his mouth but the eyes never lie.
 
"Maybe he found the answer to total happiness in life," she said and chuckle to herself at the thought.  "Yeah right!  But if he did I wish he would share it with the rest of us.  God knows I could use some guidance to find the truth about what makes life worthwhile." 
 
Relena sat back up.
 
"Damn it!  Listen to me.  There I go again.  Thinking about myself, when I have a much bigger responsibility to the people of the Earth and the Colonies." She made another sound of disgust. " Ugh, what the hell is wrong with me?"
 
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
 
"You can't help the problems of other people until you resolve your own," said a voice from the shadows by her window. 
 
"Aaaaaahhhhhh!"
 
Relena was so caught off guard she slid of the bed unto the floor when she screamed. After a moment she calmed down and realization struck her. 
 
'I know that voice.'  She thought to herself.
 
"Heero?"  She spoke aloud.
 
Suddenly a man with dark brown hair and the deepest blue eyes she has ever known stepped out of the shadows.
 
"Hello Relena."
 
"He...Heero, how long have you been there?"
 
"Long enough."
 
"Oh, so you heard all my ranting, huh."
 
"It wasn't my intention.  I would have let you know I was here earlier, but you looked like you needed to vent."
 
"Oh," was all she could say as she stood up, but she hesitated to walk toward him.  She felt relieved and confused at the same time.  He was here.  He was actually here and in her room no less.  And for once in her life she could not think of anything to say.  The Great Vice Foreign Minister, who gave speeches across the globe and space, was speechless.  They both just stared at each other from across the room until he finally broke the silence.
 
"You know as long as I have known you, you have always put everyone before yourself.  That's your problem because now you want a life of your own, and you are now sure how to go about getting it," he said.
 
Relena's eyes grew wide from surprise.  'Wow! This is a strange turn of events.  Heero is giving me advice,' she thought to herself.
 
"You didn't become some philosophical prophet on me while you were away did you?"  She asked teasingly.
 
"No."
 
"Then what brought on the sudden change in..." she started to ask but was cut off.
 
"No change.  I have always thought to live a good life; one must act on his or her emotions.  And right now your emotions are telling you to build a happier life for yourself.  It's that simple."
 
"Oh, I see what you are saying, but you know just as well as me that it's not that simple!"
 
He turned to leave.  "I'll leave you to think more, and I promise I won't listen any further."
 
"Wait!" she screamed as she ran over to him.   Before she even realized what she was doing she grabbed his arm and turned him around to face her.
 
"What?" he asked in his usually monotone voice.  But for a brief second Relena thought she saw a look a surprise in his eyes.  However, as usually the moment she thought she saw an emotion written on his face it was gone.
 
"Please don't leave yet."
 
"Why?"
 
"Uuummmm...Because...Uuummmm...Why did you? ...I mean...What made you decide to come here after all this time, Heero?"
 

~~~To Be Continued~~~

 
Why did Heero come back?  Will Relena find her missing link in life?  Will there be a happy ending for Heero and Relena?
 
Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!  The suspense is dreadful.
 
But I know the ending. MWAHAHAHA!
 
Well I gotta go for now.  Carebear, signing off.
 
Duo: Wait!
 
Authoress:  What now Duo?
 
Duo:  How come I don't have a line in this story? 
 
Authoress:  You've got to be kidding me, right?
 
Duo:  No!  When does my part come up?
 
Authoress:  In case you totally missed the storyline, Duo, this is a story about Relena and Heero.
 
Duo:  But that's not fair.  I have my rights you know.
 
Authoress:  Oy
 
Duo:  Well? *taps foot impatiently*
 
Authoress: Well, you know you are one of my favorite characters, and if you are a good braid boy you might eventually get your own story. 
 
*Heero and other Gundam pilots walk in Authoress' room*
 
Heero:  Are you satisfied now, Duo? *crosses arms over his chest*
 
Duo:  Sure am *smirks*
 
Wufei:  Hey, what about the rest of us? What are we chopped liver?  The injustice is overwhelming.  Woman you will pay for this terrible crime.  I want my part also.
 
Authoress:  Ugh!  I am surrounded by incompetence!
 
Wufei:  Excuse me? *gives authoress evil look*
 
Authoress:  Here I am just trying to write a story and I have every one of you demanding his part.  Well, if you don't leave me alone, I'll make each of you very sorry you crossed me.  Ha! Ha! *evil laughter* Now leave me alone right now, and have a little patience and each of you will have your turn in the spotlight.
 
Wufei:  You better be telling me the truth.
 
Authoress:  So what if I am or not.  I have the power.  I control you.  I am the authoress.  MWAHAHA!
 
Quatre:  Wufei, leave her alone, please.  I don't want to end up with whatever she has in mind.
 
Wufei:  Coward.
 
Quatre:  I am not.  I just know better than to push my luck.
 
Trowa:  I think I have to agree with Quatre.
 
Wufei:  You would.
 
*Trowa gives Wufei Heero's 'I will kill you' glare*
 
Authoress:  They're right. And unless the rest of you know what's good for you, you'll leave now.
 
Wufei:  I'll leave for now.
 
*All of them start to leave*
 
Authoress:  Now where was I before I was interrupted?  Oh yeah.  That's all folks good-bye for...
 
Duo:  Wait!
 
Authoress:  NOW WHAT!?
 
Duo:  I want to say good-bye.
 
Authoress:  Say good-bye Duo.
 
Duo:  Good-bye Duo.
 
Authoress:  Oy.  Good-bye everyone. 
 
I hope everyone liked my little story and the little dialog after it.  I know the story started off kind of depressing that's why I decided to write a humorous dialog after.  I hope it cheered the mood up a little.  Well, until later.  Please let me know what you think.  My email address is tenderheartbear@earthlink.net.