By Aina Song

a.n. Please note that i make no claims on the originality of the characters in this story, nor do i take credit for the song i have borrowed. They belong to their respective owners.

Sally Po turned to her tele-comm as it blipped and an image appeared. "Another one?"

"Yes."

She sighed.

"I've repaired the damage to the best of my ability," he continued. "But there will likely be more. That last left more of an impression than the others had."

"I really wish you didn't have to go to so much trouble. I agree that vandalism is a terrible crime, but the people are entitled to an opinion."

Wufei frowned at his tele-comm. "The people are simpletons, Sally. They view him as a dark omen for apearing at each war. The least I can do is prevent their beliefs from spreading to every colony."

For one small moment, she could almost see him as something other than her co-worker. Her voice softened, "Why? Why do you feel you're the one who has to do this? Heero Yuy's been gone far too long; you must realize he may never come back."

"I'm under no delusions that he will." But Wufei glanced aside, and his tone became very low. "However. there is more to life than death. Even his, if it has come to that. Suffice it to say I owe Yuy a favor." He turned back to his tele-comm. "One I see myself repaying for a very long time."

The blade had just missed his ear. He never flinched. Catherine lifted the folded cloth from her eyes, turned to the applauding crowd, and bowed. The next act was new. It was the first time they'd added it to the crew's performance. There hadn't even been time to practice. They had only told him what he must do, and he'd accepted.

Now, as an orchestra gave music and lights dimmed to set the mood, two performers worked the cranks of his table so that it tilted horizontally, while eight others placed flaming torches in a circle around him. One lingered to spin his table like a wheel before leaving him alone again. The crick-cricketty sounds of his spinning table could be heard from the furthest and topmost rows. Closing his eyes, he set his mind apart from the rest of him. He gave himself a dream. The world did the spinning, not he; he sat in deep space somewhere in the cockpit of his gundam mobile. There were no sounds, no one else around. The universe held him at peace.

Calmed, he opened his eyes to the circling image of the highwire far above him. Catherine stood there now, drawing the crowd's attention up, up, to the dizzying heights of the wire. Balanced by to male acrobats, who held her a hand each to her waist, she lifted the first blade above her head.

He could only hear his own breathing, could only feel his heart softly beating against his chest. The table never ceased its spinning.

From high above, Catherine threw the first blade. He watched it fall toward him. It hit just beside his leg. Several of the audience gasped collectively as one by one the rest of the blades were thrown. A dozen in all. The organ's music stopped, and the crowd was silent as a few performers stepped near to bring the table to a halt. Brining his mind back into focus, he watched as they undid his binds.

Several seconds later, the torches were slowly drawn away to reveal Trowa as he stood upon his table, unharmed.

Quatre suddenly found himself with nothing to do. All the files were dealt with, his work was finished. He stood idly looking out an office window. Rashid stood some feet away, respecting his employer's need for quiet. He watched as the young man pondered ... whatever it was that troubled him at the moment. Quatre Winner was always concerning himself with matters that originally wouldn't include him.

Not that Rashid was complaining. He admired Master Quatre's sincerity toward others. It was something that always cheered whoever was near. Honesty such as his was exceedingly rare.

"Rashid."

He stepped forward, "Yes, Master Quatre?"

The young blond turned away from the window. "It's tomorrow, isn't it. Six years since the last threat to peace?"

"Yes, sir."

"Everyone will have the day off, then."

"But--"

"No," he softly interrupted, shaking his head. "No one should have to work for someone who won't even be here. Especially not on Christmas Day; I'm sure you all have families you wish to spend it with. Consider it a true holiday."

"Yes, Master Quatre. And shall I notify the Foreign Minister of your visit?"

Quatre Raberba Winner only nodded and turned again to the window. "Please."

Rashid grieved at the young man's sadness. Bowing, he turned and quietly left the room.

Duo Maxwell was greased with motor oil and battery fluid again from head to toe. Sorting and salvaging scrap metals wasn't the cleanest job. Sometimes he would run into a type of fluid or oil that would seep through his overalls and burn his skin. And he always had to be careful not to rub his eyes.

He enjoyed every minute of it.

Today, howver, his mind was somewhere else. Hilde had just relayed a message from an anonymous sender consisting of the most unexpected and impossible news in six years.

"I still exist."

It was very disturbing. His first suspiciond were that someone who somehow knew more about the ex-Pilots than usual was playing a cruel sort of game. But the more thought about it, the more he doubted that. Only a select few knew the secret of their pasts. However, the only other alternative was even more unheard of than the first.

Duo needed some help with this one. Standing, he headed inside for a shower. Twenty minutes later, he came out of the bathroom binding his newly braided hair and called out to Hilde that he was leaving.

"Where are you going?" she asked, emerging from the hallway. "The anniversary of the Peace isn't until tomorrow."

"I know. I'm going to see the guys."

Hilde gave him an odd look. "But they're spread out to different colonies."

"Listen, that mail got to me. It's important that I talk to the others about it. If I hurry, I can get everyone together by tomorrow morning."

"Duo, I'm surprised at you. Won't it be easier if I just contact them ahead of time and tell them to meet you somewhere?"

"It would," he agreed. "But easy isn't always smart." He'd been packing a change of clothes as they were talking, and he now swung a loaded duffel bag over his shoulder. They walked each other to the front door, where Duo slung an arm around her waist and kissed her goodbye.

"Don't wait up for me," he whispered. "It isn't healthy for either of you."

Hilde placed her hands on her slightly bulging abdomen and nodded. He lifted her left hand and kissed the golden band on its third finger. "I won't be long," was his promise.

(the next day; early morning)

"You insult his intellegence. Yuy would never send mail when it could be traced."

Trowa ganced from Duo to Wufei as they were arguing. Quatre had left to buy them drinks from the bar. None of them were heavy drinkers, but he thought it best to keep up a light image. They were sitting now at the table furthest away from the barkeep. Trowa turned slowly to Wufei with a soft reply to the silent warrior's most recent argument.

"Perhaps he wanted us to be able to trace him. Perhaps he's lost."

That put a whole new light on the subject, and when Quatre returned with the drinks no one felt in the mood anymore. They let him in on the idea and he immediately agreed. "Better to believe him lost than dead," he observed.

"But where is he?" Duo asked, "How will we find him?"

"The mail he sent," Trowa reminded them. "If it was able to reach Duo, then his current location couldn't have been too far beyond the reaches of the colonies."

Wufei shook his head. "With today being Christmas the anniversary of the Peace, finding an available shuttle to look for him wil present a problem."

But Quatre looked up with a hesitant smile. "I think I know a way."

Everyone turned to him.

It was tradition. She could never sleep the night before the Peace's anniversary. She would be haunted with memories of the last time she saw him. He had pushed himself too far that day. By the time he had scared Mariemeia into submission, he had exhausted his body beyond its natural limitations. She had been able to hold him for a few precious mimutes before the medics came and carried him off in an ambulence. It was later revealed that he'd come awake and stolen away again. That was when he'd disappeared. She now stared outside her window, watching as the sun slowly rose over Earth's horizon. And she cried.

"My father," Quatre continued, "once bought an old hanger. He spent years working in it. Rashid told me. When Father finished, he locked it up and ordered that no one was to go inside."

"How long ago was this," Trowa asked him.

"Rashid said it was a few months before he died."

"Duo gave a low whistle, "Seven years."

"I'm sure the shuttle inside could stil be serviceable," he insisted.

Wufei frowned slightly as they each stood and left the table. "If a shuttle's what we find," he muttered under his breath.

(later, the same morning)

"Relena."

She looked up with a start. Papers flew from her desk and fluttered to the floor. Zechs hurried in and collected the ntogether, effortlessly stacking them again on her desk in the correct order. He stood and sat on the edge of her desktop. "If I had known I was about to upset you, I would have knocked first."

"No, it's not your fault. I just can't consentrate today."

Her brother gave her a look of sympathy and understanding, then came around to stand behind her chair. He gave her a soft, elder-brotherly massage, moving the tension out of her shoulders. "I had only come by to see how you were doing."

"Not as well as we'd hoped," she answered. "This promotion has opened up a lot of new options, but there's always too much paperwork to do before I can try them out." She closed her eyes, letting her brother relax her muscles for her. "Thank you."

"Your welcome."

"Where's Lucrezia?"

"Noin's downstairs, trying to explain to some of your newer employees that what had wlked through the main entrance was not a ghost but in fact a living, breathing person."

Relena laughed.

***

It hurts. I can count every break, cut, or bruise in my body. I feel as though each cell in my skin has exploded and is now on fire. I can barely move. Had I the choice, I think I would've preferred to die quick and easy. A bomb strapped to my chest, maybe; or a bullet to my head. This is too much. I've never known pain like this. My head is spinning, I'm growing dizzy again. The blotches of blackness in my head are impairing my sight. Before I pass out, I use the last of my energy to depress the Enter key. Damn, it hurts.

***

Her tele-comm blipped and a familiar face appeared on the screen. "Relena."

"Quatre?" She moved her chair closer; Zechs leaned slightly over her shoulder.

The blond Arabian greeted him with a short nod. "Relena, I'm calling to cancel our appointment tonight. Something vitally important has just come up."

Quatre nver lied.

"Oh. Well ... Is there anything I can do?"

"Sorry, no. This will only upset you."

"It's not another threat to peace, is it? Certainly I or the Preventers could've handled that."

"I'm afraid not. The guys and I will simply be away for a while."

"The guys?" She leaned forward, "As in ..."

"As in Wufei, Duo, Trowa, and myself," he confirmed.

Zechs leaned closer. "What's happened?!"

Quatre looked passed his tele-comm. Duo's eyes had gone wide at the sound of that voice. Trowa had averted his eyes in order to hide his own shock and doscomfort. Wufei merely crossed his arms over his chest and gave a very decisive nod. They all seemed to agree that what they were about to do could not be done alone.

Returning his attention back to his tel-comm, Quatre sighed and did what was necessary. "We don't have much time. This has to be done immediately. If you wish to know what's happened, Zechs, you're welcome to join us. We may need your help."

Zechs Marquiez looked to his young lady of a sister for affirmation. She nodded," Lucrezia can take care of me while you're gone."

"Where are you," he asked of Quatre.

"I'm sending you the coordinates now. This is where we'll be once I've settled everything here at the office."

Zechs looked over the digital map on the screen. The first thing he noticed was that it was in militarian code, from one soldier to another. Relena was prevented from understanding even this. He dedicated it to memory, then hit the Delete key on his sister's keyboard.

"I'll be there within the hour."

Rashid burst into the room, "Master Quatre!"

He stood, "Rashid?"

"You have an incoming message from an anonymous sender."

"And they didn't say where they were going?"

She shook her head.

Noin ran a hand through her purple hair. She could try to salvage the map Zechs had deleted, but he respected his decision to keep it from his sister. She didn't like to betray his trust. "Whatever it is, I hope they'll be okay."

They sll looked at the message then Duo blurted out, "That's it! That's what Hilde said had come through in my mail."

"'I still exist'," Wufei murmured. "If he's not in too much trouble, he may try to send similiar messages to the rest of us."

Trowa nodded, "It would be best if we left as soon as possible."

***

What time is it? The digital dateclock ocerhead has ceased functioning since it happened. Wait. I remember now. I was wearing a watch when I left on this trip. Can barely lift my arm to see. Hurts like hell. There. At least it's still working. Fouteen-hundred hours. On the Earth Sphere, it would only be ten in the morning now. Which means today is Christmas Day, Six years since the final Peace. Six years since I's left. Six years ... without Relena.

***

"Towa! Phone."

He crossed the hanger and took the vidi-phone from Quatre's hand. "Yes?"

Catherine's face appeared on the small screen. "Your trailer was going crazy, so I answered you mail for you."

Everyone truned to Trowa at this and waited.

"It didn't say who it from," Catherine went on. "But its message was very strange, so I thought I should call you right away."

"What was it?" he asked.

"It was really short. Just a few words and that was it. 'I still exist', or something close to that. I didn't know where you went, so I called using Quatre's number and hoped you were there."

"Thank you. That mail was important." Trowa then sighed and shook his head. "But I won't be here long. We're leaving as soon as we can get the shuttle up and running. Don't try calling or contacting me in any way until I return. Mention this to no one. Do you understand?"

Her image on the screnn nodded. "Are you in trouble?"

"No. But we know someone who might be. We can't be distracted until we've succeeded in this."

As soon as Trowa had hung up, the vidi-phone rang again fro Wufei. It was Sally, confirming what they had already known. The last of the relaying messages had come in.

"I still exist."

***

They were wrong. I could ask for help, If I had to. Looks like I had to. They were right about one thing, though. It was easy. Especially after that first time. They said I would look at myself differently once I'd learned how to do it. They were right about that too. I don't think I have any regrets. No. That's a lie. I've lived through too much to lie to myself now. I do regret. Every day of my life.

***

(3 hours later; 1:00 p.m.)

"There he is," Duo shouted, pointing at what they saw through the windsheild. Zechs slowed Quatre's shuttle to a stop. The craft ahead of them hovered very still, and was missing a wing. It seemed an engine had exploded. Debri floated in the dark space around it; one could only guess the damage inside. There was a serial number along the sdie of the craft. Only one man could have piloted that craft since its diappearance six years ago.

"I can't get a response," Duo told them, desperately keying in the number again. "His main system must be busted."

"Try the audio," Quatre suggested.

Flipping a switch, he pulled the microphone closer. "this is Duo. We're looking for a missing person."

"Don't give out his name," Wufei muttered.

He affirmed this with a short nod, slowly turning a dial to rasie the mic's volume. "Calling to the shuttle up ahead, can you hear me? We're looking for a missing person, a man. Can you give out the names of anyone in your craft?"

It hurt him to do it, but he lifted his arm and flipped the audio switch. The light flickered then lit up, identifying its working condition. He swallowed to clear his throat, closing his eyes at the insufferable pain, then gave instead a separate list of names.

"Duo Maxwell. Quatre Raberba Winner ..."

"... Trowa Barton. Chang Wufei. I still exist."

Everyone heard the message and listened with rapt attention. "Heero!" Duo called into the mic. "What's happened to you? Where've you been? Heero? Heero?!"

But he didn't respond.

***

Maybe it's better this way. I can't go back. I would have. For Relena, I suppose. But she'll never accept me now. Look at me. Even if I survive with all the blood I've lost, I'll be scarred for life. She could never stand to see me like that. What love could she have for a man like that? It would bwetter if I just died here. Then she could go on thinking whatever she wanted. Yeah ... Goodbye, Relena.

***

Zechs set the controls on auto and took over the microphone. He then spoke in a tone he had buried away long ago, one that startled everyone onboard. "Heero Yuy. Answer me!"

His eyes flew open. A new sense of revitalization overwhelmed him at that forgotten voice.

"Miliardo Peacecraft. You sonofabitch."

The four ex-Pilots in Quatre's shuttle laughed in a wave of celebrated relief. Zechs smiled, returning his voice to normal. "He died. But it's good to hear you haven't lost all of yourself in there."

"Zechs?"

"Yes. It's legal now. Listen. We're sending Chang and Barton to bring you in."

"No. Stop."

He paused, "Why? What's wrong?"

"My suit is torn. My helmet's cracked and wouldn't provide a proper airlock. I wouldn't make it once they opened my door."

They looked to each other, then Wufei stepped forward. "Yuy, we know that craft. There's another entrance. We can bring an extra suit and helmet. How much air do you have left?"

"The gauge is broken."

He didn't know. It was dangerous not to know.

Trowa caught on to Wufei's plan and took over. "Lock away your sector of the cockpit, there are three of them. Once we break in, unlock the center sector. Give us thrity seconds, then lock it up again. Can you move?"

"Barely."

"After you've relocked the center sector, unlock the first. That'll be the one you're in now. THen strap yourself to your chair. The air will move to fill both sectors once we open the door."

A long silence followed, then

"Confirmed."

***

I'll tell her goodbye myself, in my own way. But I can't let her cry. I don't think I could stand it.

***

(several hours later; 11:57 p.m.)

She woke when a cool breeze swept the room. She sat up in her bed, wondering if she had left the window open. Standing, she placed her thin robe around her shoulders and moved across the room.

"Relena, don't. Stop."

"Heero?" She clutched arms about herself and fell to her knees. "Heero??"

"I can't let you see me, Relena. I'd just come from a hospital. There are too many bandages to count, and they'll all be replaced by permanent scars. I can't let you see that."

Her eyes fill at the sound of his voice. "Why didn't you come back, Heero? I waited for you."

"I was a boy with thousands of deaths staining my hands. I couldn't come back to you. Not like that."

She stared at his silhoette against the fluttering curtain, wishing she could see him. "Th-Then why have you come back?"

"To say goodbye," he answered softly. "I'm not right for you."

"Heero ..."

"Hush. Just Listen."

All our tears have reached the sea Part of you will live in me Way down deep inside my heart The days keep coming without fail A new wind is gonnz find your sail And that's where your journey starts

You'll find better love Strong as it ever was Deep as a river runs Warm as the morning sun Please remember me

Just like the waves down by the shore Gonna keep on coming back for more Cause we don't ever wanna stop Out in this brave new world we see O'er the valleys and the peaks And I can see you on the top

You'll find better love Strong as it ever was Deep as a river runs Warm as the morning sun Please remember me

Remember me when you're out walkin' When snow flies high outside your door Late at night when you're not sleepin' And moonlight falls across your floor

But I can't hurt you anymore

You'll find beter love Strong as it ever was Deep as a river runs Warm as the morning sun Please Remember me Please remember me

She had cried through the whole thing. His voice was so beautiful, and his song told her so much. And he was leaving her.

"Goodbye, Relena. Don't Forget me. Try to remember if I put any good into your life at all." He moved away from the curtain.

"No!" She jumped up and raced out the window and into his arms. "I don't care what's happened to you. I don't care how you look. I'll love you forever, scarred or not. But you can't leave me again!"

His arms came slowly around her. He hadn'e expected her to do this. He hadn't wanted to make her cry like this. And she was right, she was always right. He couldn't leave her. Not now. Not ever. She was the very beat of his heart. He'd lived too long without her. "I'll stay," he whispered. "Untill you ask me to leave. If you really want me to saty, I will."

She kissed the badage cricling his head, then move that kiss to his mouth like she'd wanted to do for so long.

"Welcome home."

 END