Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters *sob*. They belong to Sunrise Asahi. I guess you could try to sue me...but it would be pretty useless considering I'm flat out broke. Luv y'all, and I hope you enjoy.

It was raining again. She touched the windowpanes gently as they froze with the dropping temperatures, making circles of mist surround her fingertips, halos of white. The color of an Angel's wing... She looked outside as rain made streaks of crystal against the glass, wondering where he was, what he was doing, if he still remembered her. Perhaps that was the most important question of all. Did he remember her? Think about her? Her breath caught on a sob, which she stifled immediately, putting a hand to her lips. A perfectly manicured, delicate hand that could captivate audiences of diplomats and man alike, but couldn't capture the heart of one lone boy with Prussian blue eyes. She smiled brokenly at the thought, a whisper springing unbidden to her lips, a prayer, "Heero..."

"Did you say something, Miss Releena?" Releena immediately turned around, smiling graciously at Pagan as her façade sliding into place. It was perfect now, so that no one could ever guess at the pain that lay beneath it, not even her closest friends.

"No Pagan, I'm quite all right, thank you." Her old retainer smiled back, hints of concern in his old eyes.

"Ms. Releena, you must eat something. Cook made some wonderful cookies and hot chocolate to warm the body. It's a stormy night, isn't it?" Releena stifled a slight smile. Cookies and hot chocolate? For all that she was nineteen now, the household servants still treated her as a child...perhaps they were the only ones that did not regard her as Vice-foreign minister Releena Dorlain, once Queen of the World.

"Yes Pagan, but it'll pass by morning." But I wonder when this coldness I feel will pass She thought achingly as she took a seat in a mahogany carved chair. Pagan smiled at his charge, quietly leaving the room, so he did not see the silent change that underwent his mistress's face. She rubbed her eyes wearily and took the food to the restroom, flushing it down the toilet regretfully. She didn't feel much like eating these days. When she ate, she felt nauseous and sick.

She knew she was getting thinner. Her peers had told her that. She was getting skinny. Her gowns hung loosely about her frame and her cheekbones were more prominent than ever. The twinkle that had once graced her eyes was hooded now, and she had become a pale wraith of her former self.

"But...to you, I'll always be a wraith, won't I, Heero?" She asked softly, slumping to the ground, "Always following you...but never quite touching." Tears blurred her vision and she choked on a sob, refusing to let them fall as she struggled to control herself. She wrapped her arms around herself, rocking herself back and forth, lips pressed tightly together.

Finally, she let her arms loosen, dropping them on her lap silently with a sad smile, "Look at you, Releena. No wonder Heero thinks you're weak. Get a grip, you're just tired tonight...that's all. By tomorrow morning, all this will be is a bad dream." She picked up her plate, stumbling a little as she placed her plate carefully on the table beside her mug, her hand trembling badly. She grabbed her wrist tightly and the plate spun off the table, falling without a sound on the thick auburn carpet.

"Just...a little tired." She repeated wearily, looking straight ahead with the notorious PeaceCraft tenacity. She changed into her nightgown, trying not to look in the mirror at the ribs that protruded painfully from wire-taut skin. She climbed into the large canopied bed, pulling the thick woolen covers over herself, trying not to shiver as the cold seemed to permeate every pore of her body, seeping through the sheets like an insidious snake.

Closing her eyes, she tried not to dream, knowing that when she did, it would be of a certain boy that had promised to come back and kill her. It's been three years, Heero. Why haven't you come back yet?

Outside, the rain beat mercilessly against the windowpane, rattling the glass with violent fury, uncaring of the silent anguish of the one that lay between the sheets.

* * *

A few hours later, her door opened, "Releena?" The dimmed lights and bundle on the bed alerted him to her slumber. He slipped with boneless grace to her bedside, his gentle smile that so few saw melting into a frown as he traced the tear streaks that marred her face like rivers of sorrow. "Oh, Releena...again?"

In response, she drew into herself, wrapping her thin arms about herself in a futile gesture of self-preservation, whimpering softly in her sleep at bad memories and worse dreams. "Heero..."

Helplessly, the nighttime intruder glanced around the room, his eyes finally alighting on a small brown teddy bear that graced her bed stand. It's once glossy fur was dull and flat with too much fondling and the yarn was coming unraveled at one of his ears. But however the appearance, it was the toy's eyes that captured the most attention: sad eyes, watchful and wise, but never judging except for that faint gleam of reproach that was always there. Picking it up, he slipped it into her arms, "I know it's a poor substitute...but it's all I have right now." He whispered softly to the sleeping girl. Leaning down, he placed a small kiss on her forehead. "Ai shiteru Releena-chan. Sleep well. Jackals, with the morning's dawn shall come soon enough..."

* * *

Milliardo closed the door quietly, the pain that had been on his sister's unguarded face tearing at him from the inside out. Why am I such a coward that I need to put all this strain on a nineteen-year old, He wondered despairingly. He sighed, his shoulders slumping. The firm pressure of Noin's body pressed against his back as she slipped her arms around him comfortingly.

"How is she?" Lu asked quietly, watching a thousand emotions flitting cross her husband's harsh features. In response, he turned around, gathering Lucrezia Noin PeaceCraft tightly into his arms, lips firmly pressed into her soft fragrant hair. "Hey, it's okay, Zechs," She soothed, not letting him see her own worry as she rubbed her hands over the tense muscles of his back. She smiled, leaning into him. It was so rarely that he showed any affection to anyone, she thought wistfully, and he's never said he loves me. But I know he does. He shows me every day, little things really, but they mean the world to me.

"She's been crying again." He said, his eyes guilty even as his face showed no emotion, "Again. Oh God Noin, I feel like such a cur. I'm the eldest of the PeaceCrafts and it's my responsibility to-"

"Zechs," She interrupted, smiling sadly up at him, "Even if you offered to shoulder all the burden of being a Vice-foreign minister...do you think that Releena would actually let you? She loves her people way too much..."

"And they love her," He finished wearily, "Or rather, the figurehead they see as her." Noin nodded and he exploded, "They're killing her, Noin! Do you see how thin she's been getting and-"

"Hush!" Lu silenced admonishingly, leading Zechs to their own bedroom, "You'll wake her up, and the girl needs all the sleep she can get." He sat on the bed, watching her as she turned off the lights and climbed into bed, sighing.

After a moment, she asked, "Zechs?" He made an affirmative sound, "Maybe...I know you don't like Heero but..."

"No, I have great admiration for him as a soldier," He corrected, shifting his arms so the were clasped loosely about his wife, "And I already know what you're thinking."

Pause. "And?"

"And I've already contacted Sally at the Preventor's office. She can't find hide nor hair of that goddamned boy."

"Zechs!" Noin said in exasperation, then caught the barely suppressed weariness in his eyes. She soothed the crease from between his eyes, "Oh Zechs, we'll just keep on trying, that's all."

"Yes, I know." He sighed, "For Releena's sake...because I don't know what will happen if we fail..."

Author's note: please, r&r