Adulation

a  PWP, OOC story by Lady Scarlet-Une

    The day had started off well enough.  After having completed her meetings for the week, Relena Darlian had found herself facing a three day weekend with no idea of how to fill the time.  For some reason, the idea of more paperwork had not seemed very appealing.  Not sure how to approach this anomalous event, she had called in Hilde Schbeiker, who in turn suggested renting videos.  

    While wandering through the aisles of their local Blockbuster, they had stumbled onto the "Adult Video" section in a deep dark corner of the store.  Having just turned eighteen, Relena was eager to peruse the stock to see just what all the fuss was about.  And then Hilde found the "tribute" videos....

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Hilde popped another chocolate in her mouth and stared wide-eyed at the television.

    "Oh Jesus Chr-"

    "Don't use the Lord's name in vain," Relena corrected automatically, her eyes glued to the screen as well.  "Oh my GOD!"

    "Can you really do that?" Hilde asked in morbid fascination, her head tilted to the side.  She snuck a quick look at Relena.  "Well, can you?"

    "What?! What're you looking at me for?! How should I know?!"

    "Well, that IS supposed to be Heero and you right there, y'know."

    "Yea sure.  Like either he or I would star in a movie called -" she picked up the video case, "'Getting a Piece of Peacecraft.'"  She rolled her eyes.

    Hilde snickered.  "Ya gotta admit, though.  I never thought saving the world would garner us so much...attention."

    "Uh huh.  Just wait till we pop in 'Hilde Humps L2' and we'll see what you have to say then."

    "No comment."  

    The hours quickly passed as the girls watched tape after tape, each depicting in graphic sexual detail the relationship between Hilde/Noin/Sally/Relena/Lady Une/Dorothy and the Gundam pilots/Treize/Zechs/Howard.  The couplings were not exclusively one on one, either.  At one point, Hilde almost choked on a peanut after seeing 'herself' fly into bed with Duo, Trowa, Lady Une, and Howard.  

    Alas, their secret video fetishes were not to remain secret for long.  What with all the fun they had been having, neither had noted the time.  Thus, a rather irate Duo appeared on the Darlian doorstep at exactly 9:30 wondering what the hell had happened to his girlfriend and their 7:00 date.

    Duo pounded on the door and frowned when no one answered.  He could see lights on down the hall through the window, but no one was answering!

    'They better not be ignoring me,' he thought grimly.  After several more minutes of pounding, he proceeded to start throwing his shoulder against the door.  The loud thuds could not be heard above the surround sound of Relena's entertainment system, unfortunately.  Muttering curses, Duo finally gave up and halfheartedly tried the doorknob...and promptly fell over as the large wooden door swung open easily.  He took several seconds to shake his head before striding down the hall.  Hell hath no fury like a Shinigami stood up.  He reached the living room doorway, ready to start shouting his anger, when the sight on the 30 inch television screen caught him up short.

    "Oh my GOD!" he shrieked like a girl, thoroughly appalled by the sight of himself, oiled and glittered and naked, being whipped and toyed with by Sally in leather.  The sudden commotion startled Relena and Hilde out of their dazed stupor.

    "Unh?" Hilde asked intelligently.

    "What am I doing naked on television?!" Duo yelled, hand clutched to his chest.  "More importantly, what is Sally doing to my naked self on television?"

    "Duo, Duo, calm down!" Hilde said soothingly as she jumped up and ran across the room to him.  She hugged him and petted his braid.  "There, there, babe."

    "What's going on, Hilde?" he whimpered into her shoulder.

    "People are making porn about us, that's all," she replied nonchalantly.  Duo almost had a conniption.

    "Aaaahhh!"

    "Don't worry, Duo," Relena piped up.  "Look how well endowed you are!"  Duo cracked open an eye and peered at the screen warily.  His whole expression suddenly brightened.

    "Hey now.  He he.  As long as they're truthful."  Abruptly letting go of Hilde, he ran to the couch and grabbed her abandoned bowl of popcorn.  Stuffing a handful into his mouth, he began to examine the videos on the table.  "Hmm...'Duo Does Dallas.'  Was it any good?"

    "Oh yeah."

    "He he. We'll watch that one next then."

    Roughly three hours later, a dark shape crept through the balcony doors of Relena's room.  Making his way towards the bed, Heero grinned lecherously and dive bombed onto it.  "Oh Relena! Let us make wild passionate love together tonight! I will lick -"

    The grin disappeared off his face as he found himself face to face with her pillow.  "Eh?! Where is she?! She KNOWS I always come around this time."  Grumbling to himself, he plopped himself down and waited impatiently.  And waited, and waited, and waited.  Finally, his patience gave.  'Could she have forgotten? Of course not! Oh no! Maybe terrorists have taken ahold of her and are holding her at gun point somewhere in the house!' His trusty gun appeared in his hand.  "I will save you, Re-lee-na," he muttered into the darkness, his 'killing' face on.  He stealthily glided out of the room and began his search.

    It was not long before muffled voices from downstairs caught his attention.  Walking quietly down the stairs, he strained to hear what the voices had to say.

    "We will torture you until you give us the information, Vice Foreign Minister.  We have ALL sorts of devices at hand."  Heero did not like the tone of the man's voice.  "Lieutenant! Began the interrogation."

    What followed chilled Heero's blood.  He heard Relena moan and groan in torture, all culminating in an ear-piercing scream.  Having had enough, he ran towards the voices, gun drawn.

    "Omae wa..." And abruptly dropped his gun as he watched a woman who looked vaguely like Relena orgasm at the hands of a brawny man and a dildo.  Duo whirled around and threw popcorn at him.

    "Damn it, Heero, we just got to the best part!" 

    Heero shot him a death glare as he picked up his gun.  "Relena? What is the meaning of this?" he asked quietly.  She turned around and shot him a nervous grin.  

    "He he...research?" Hilde and Duo snickered.  

    "I can't believe you're watching this.  This is highly inappropriate.  You have better things to do than watch this smut."

    "Heh. Like you, eh, Heero?" Duo snickered out. Heero calmly picked up a vase and lobbed it at Duo's head.

    "Now, Heero.  Calm down," Relena began diplomatically.  She picked up a video before making her way towards him.  "If you just take a seat, we'll watch this when this movie's through."

    "Relena, why in the world would I want to watch...'Wing Zero XXX?'"

    She leaned in and whispered into his ears. "Pointers."

    "Are you implying that I need help?!"

    "Look at the pictures on the back."

    "Oh.  OH."  He licked his lips.  "Are you flexible?" he asked in a low tone.  Relena winked.

    "Very."

    Swiftly making his way towards the VCR, he ejected "United Earth Sphere Bondage Queen" and put his tape in.  

    And so more hours passed.  Waking up from a brief nap, Duo looked around and noticed that their party had diminished down to two.  Thumping and groaning from overhead told him where Relena and Heero had gone.  Shrugging, he started sorting through the tapes until one gem caught his eye.  Duo began to laugh maniacally.

    "Huh?" Hilde asked sleepily, one bleary eye open.  

    "Check this out, Hilde babe."

    "Duo, you don't have to shove it into my nose! Here, give me that." She yawned and slowly began to read the video description. "They called him Wufei.  He brought justice. He brought peace.  He brought lonely co-ed girls into womanhood.  See Wufei Chang brandish his sword in 'Nataku.' Geez, can this get any worse?"  

    Duo smiled evilly and picked up the phone.  "Yes it can."

    Wufei Chang strode into the Darlian house, a sleepy Sally trailing behind him.  "This better be good, Maxwell! It's 4 a.m. in case you haven't noticed."

    Duo nodded, a serious expression on his face.  Spying Sally, he put on his best innocent expression and gazed at Wufei full in the face.  "What's Sally doing here?  I thought you were in bed alone when I called."

    "Well, yes...but, um...er...you said this was Preventer business and she is my partner, so...well, anyways, where are these surveillance tapes you keep blabbing about?"

    Duo smiled cheekily.  "Right here."  He pushed the play button.  A dark room appeared on the screen, a young blonde woman tied to the bed.

    Wufei's blood boiled.  "The dishonorable curs! How dare they kidnap an innocent helpless onna!"    

    Duo nodded his head gravely.  "Those bastards."

    In the movie, a figure in the shadows spoke.  "I heard you were asking questions, onna."

    "Well, I..."

    "You've been questioning your beliefs and loyalties."

    The woman hung her head in shame.  "It's just...I don't know what to expect anymore.  The views are so conflicting."

    "So you really want to know?"

    The woman looked up and spoke passionately.  "Yes, yes I do. Show me the truth, Wufei.  Show me REAL justice."

    In real life, Sally came awake instantly and Wufei's left eye began to tic.  

    The man stepped away from the shadows and reached for his belt.  "This is a great honor, onna.  I hope you know how to show proper gratitude."

    'Wufei's' pants dropped and the woman's eyes widened in excitement.  "Oh Nataku!"

    "Kisaaaaaaammmmaaaaaa!"

    Wufei keeled over in a dead faint.  Hilde reached over and closed Sally's mouth.

    "You're drooling all over yourself, Sally." 

    "Nnn."

    Eventually, the marathon ended.  Sally carted out an unconscious Wufei, Duo and Hilde retired to a guest bedroom to film their own movie, and Heero disappeared into the night with a couple of videos.  Sighing, Relena surveyed the mess the little party had made and slowly began to clean up.  The sound of the door bell broke the stillness.  She made her way to the door and opened it to reveal a smiling Quatre and a stoic Trowa.

    "Hey there, guys! What're you doing here?" Relena exclaimed, a strained smile on her face.  She mentally winced as she gazed into Quatre's open and friendly face.  'He can't see the videos! I don't want to be the one who introduces him to porn, for pete's sake!'

    "Well, we were looking for the other guys and thought they may be here."  His gaze turned confused.  'Why is she blocking the doorway?' "Um...can we come in?"

    "Of course, of course! Just..um...let me tidy up first....go sit somewhere else..."  Relena scurried off to the living room, leaving Trowa and Quatre at the door.  The uni-banged one gave Quatre a thoughtful look.

    "She's hiding something."

    Quatre smiled indulgently.  "This is Relena we're talking about.  What would she have to hide?"

    Trowa didn't respond. Instead, he strode after her and walked in just as she was stuffing the videos under the couch.  Relena froze like a deer caught in headlights.  Trowa plucked a video out of her hand and raised an eyebrow.  "'Wham, Bam, Bang Boy?'" he queried sardonically.  

    "Um...I can explain..."

    Quatre wandered in with a questioning look on his face.  Relena squeaked and hid the rest of the videos under the couch cushions.  Trowa merely hid the video behind his back.  Puzzled, Quatre opened his mouth to ask a question but was distracted by the black edge of a video case peeping out from under an empty carton of ice cream.  Curious, Quatre picked up the video...and squealed in delight.

    "Ahhh, I've been looking all over for this! This is an EXCELLENT movie! Oh, the cinematography is excellent!"  He stopped talking when he noticed the scandalized expressions on Trowa and Relena's faces.  "What?"

    Trowa cleared his throat.  "Um...you're familiar with this sort of movie genre, Quatre?"

    Quatre beamed.  "Of course! I LOVE musicals! Especially this one...," he waved the tape around, "...'The Sound of Music!'"   

    Both Relena and Trowa breathed a sigh of relief.  Relena smiled graciously.  "Feel free to watch it if you like, Quatre."  She dug the videos out from the depths of the couch.  "I just have to put a few things away."

    "I'll follow you.  Do you have a spare VCR around?" Trowa queried as he trailed her out of the room.  

    Quatre shrugged and eagerly put the tape in.  He sat down and smiled in anticipation, all ready to sing along.  His smile soon became a frown, though.

    "Wait a minute...this isn't 'The Sound of Music!'"  Quickly grabbing the video case, he reread the title.  Nope. Still 'Sound of Music.'  He turned over the case and began to read the description out loud.

    "Watch the story of a boy and his violin of seduction...what?!"  A noise from the t.v. caught his attention.

    "Oh Quatre! Make music with me!"

    "Let me get out my instrument, hot stuff."

    Quatre's eyes dilated as his jaw dropped.  Slowly putting down the video case, Quatre reached for the VCR remote...and turned the volume up.  He sat back and watched.

    In another room, Relena suddenly sat up.  Trowa looked over at her questioningly.

    "Wait a minute! We didn't rent 'The Sound of Music!'"

    And so ends this story of adulation.  For some, heroic acts of bravery garner presidential medals, bronze cast statues, and ticker tape parades.  For others, their feats go down in history.  But for the Gundam Pilots, their loyalty, perseverance, and steadfastness in the face of danger garnered them hundreds of porn videos.

~Fin~

**This was quite random.  It just popped into my mind.  Hope y'all liked it...um....yeah...

    ~LS-U***