Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and the G-boys do not belong to me…Blah! Blah! Blah!…They are the property of Sunrise, Bandai, etc., etc. and Blah! Blah! Blah!…So please don’t sue me…AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD…PLEASE DON"T TAKE AWAY MY COMPUTER!!!!

Author’s Note: Please try to understand that I don’t do these things to our perfect soldier without good reason. I love torturing Heero because he’s the only one who is strong enough to overcome this much pain, suffering in silence, so vulnerable, **sigh**, I just love it. It makes me want to ease away all that pain…I just can’t help myself.

Legacies of Victory and Defeat by Luvspook

Episode 6: Surrendering Sadness

Hours had passed…

Hours spent recording data and reviewing research in the relentless pursuit for answers, that even now, had turned up nothing.

Sally Po released a heavy sigh, turning back to her notes in the hopes that she had missed something, when she heard the door creak open behind her.

"Sally…Is there any change?"

"No." She replied, as Noin stepped up beside her. "No changes…"

"How much more serious were his injuries?"

"Well, fortunately, he doesn’t seem to be suffering from any extensive internal damage, except for a couple of bruised and broken ribs…although he did lose quite a bit of blood. Even all that aside, my biggest concern is still that left arm. Some of the lacerations were pretty deep, and there was a lot of tissue and muscle damage, not to mention a fractured collarbone. Overall though…he got lucky. I don’t see any reason to believe that his injuries won’t all heal…in time."

She paused momentarily; reminiscing about the first time she had met Heero Yuy and witnessed his escape from the Alliance. She could still remember the swelling fear of watching him swan dive off the side of the giant medical building, only to walk away from a fall that would have most certainly killed any normal kid. Even now, very few people had come to hold that level of respect and admiration in her eyes.

"Sally?…" Noin interrupted, sensing that there was far more on her comrade’s mind than what she was admitting to.

"You know, ever since I met this kid, he’s never ceased to amaze me. He has always been beyond limitations or constraints. I’ve got to be honest with you, Noin. He’s got even me a bit worried this time. I never thought something like this could ever happen to Heero. I mean, it’s not as though he’s your average kid. Whatever happened between those two mobile suits, it sure did take it out of him. It’s been almost twelve hours and he still hasn’t even regained consciousness, yet. I really wish I knew what did this to him."

"I know you’re doing all you can." Noin assured her, turning to leave her alone to work.

"But will it be enough?…" Sally countered, softly, as the door closed behind her.

* * * * *

Noin could feel the events of the day beginning to take its hold. She was stiff and tired, and her mind was plagued with sadness. Every time she closed her eyes she could see his face…and her sadness grew.

"Oh, Zechs…Where are you?" She whispered to the night sky, examining the stars as though she could direct her message to wherever he was now. "Relena needs you, Zechs. I need you."

"Miss Noin!…"

She turned abruptly at the sound of her name, not surprised to find the fair-haired young heir of the Winner family racing toward her.

"Quatre…How are you and the others feeling?"

"Doing much better." He replied, slightly out of breath. "How is Heero? Is there any change?"

Her eyes softened with remorse, knowing that her news would do nothing to aid the pilots’ morale, but her feelings for the Gundam pilots made it impossible to hide her concerns.

"No, I’m afraid not…And I’m sure that despite whatever damage the enemy suits have suffered, it won’t be long before they start attacking again. I hope we’ll be able to stand against them with…or without Heero."

"Has Miss Relena been in to see him, since…" Quatre started to ask before the memory of the young Vice Foreign Minister, cradling Heero’s head in her lap, resurfaced in his mind. The very thought of her pain still sickened him, and he stopped what he was saying, unable to continue.

"I haven’t told her that Heero hasn’t regained consciousness, yet. To be honest, I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to. She’s been through so much, already…"

"Would you like me to speak with her?" Quatre asked, searching Noin’s face for the source of its sadness.

"No, Quatre. This is something I need to take care of myself. A promise I made to…" She stopped short, the thought of Zechs flooding her memory again. "A promise I made a long time ago…one that I couldn’t possibly break now."

"I understand." He replied with a gentle smile, before turning to go, once again leaving her alone to gather her strength.

She watched him walk away, her mind whispering the words that her voice couldn’t conjure the strength to say.

…Thank you, Quatre…

* * * * *

Relena drifted out of a hazy sleep; undoubtedly, a drug-induced slumber that left her head spinning, reeling in the search for answers.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had awoken to feel quite so exhausted. The disorientation almost sent her to the floor, as the day’s events resurfaced in her mind, and she fought to disentangle her limbs from the blanket that was covering her.

"Heero?…"

Trowa Barton was quick to action, though, gently catching her and pushing her back to the edge of the bed.

"It’s all right…" He soothed, trying to calm her quite apparent distress.

"Where is Heero?…I want to see him."

"You should try to rest. Noin and Sally are doing what they can for Heero. But, you should…"

"Is Heero okay? Why can’t I see him?" Relena cried, still fighting Trowa’s relentless attempts to persuade her to rest. "What aren’t you telling me?"

"I’m sure Heero will be fine." Trowa replied, softly. "Sally said that his injuries aren’t too severe."

"But there’s more…isn’t there?" Relena asked, trying to search the Heavyarms pilot’s eyes for the answer she needed. "Tell me…"

Trowa hadn’t been prepared for Relena to wake up. Obviously, she had fought the sedative Sally had given her, to calm her down and help her to rest. He hadn’t expected that he would have to be the one to tell her about Heero, and now found himself lost in her sad eyes. Eyes that pleaded with him for a reassuring word. Words that he couldn’t give her.

"Heero still hasn’t regained consciousness." Trowa stated in a flat, detached tone. "Sally can’t find any reason to explain it. She thinks it may have something to do with the mobile suits…maybe a malfunction with the Zero System, itself."

Relena fought the tears that were burning in her eyes, forcing the memory of how she had found him earlier, slip behind her usual mask of strength.

"Please take me to him."

* * * * *

Relena slipped silently into the small room, surprised to see Catherine Bloom sitting vigil at Heero’s bedside. Her eyes fell jealously on the young woman’s back, carefully observing the tenderness of her every movement.

She was humming softly as she tended to Heero’s wounds, her hands moving between him and the large bowl of water that sat on the nightstand beside his bed. She had a mothering instinct that Relena could only envy.

She could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end as she caught sight of the deep scarlet tint to the water, the shock of Heero’s continual blood loss hitting her suddenly.

Every bone in her body screamed at her, feeding her desire to see and be near him, to reassure him of her willingness to be there with him, and to convince herself that he even needed her somehow.

…But he doesn’t need you. He never has!… Her mind taunted, cruelly. …You’re the one who is weak…hiding behind your ideals…deluding yourself while the ones you care about suffer to protect you from the truth. You are such a coward! You couldn’t even tell him how you feel! You placed such value on your unwillingness to admit failure that you couldn’t even give him a good reason not to fight…not to die. You have no right offering hope to anyone!…

She had just turned to walk away when Catherine sensed the sudden movement behind her.

"Hey! Come on in…" Catherine announced, a cheerful smile reaching her face. "I’m sure he would rather have you here anyway."

Without a word, Relena made her way over to the side of the bed, her downcast eyes taking in Heero’s much too weakened state. Every emotion flooded to her eyes, and she fought to restrain the tears that threatened to fall, betraying her facade of strength.

Catherine could see how emotional the young girl was…how delicate and fragile love was, and for an instant, imagined how she would have reacted if it had been Trowa in that bed, instead of Heero.

"It’s hard sitting by while the people we love have to suffer." She said, suddenly, catching Relena off-guard. "But I guess that’s what really matters. It’s that we’re there for them, and suffer with them…it gives them strength you know, just being there. I guess that’s one thing I learned from the circus. You learn to rely on one another and take care of each other. Take care of the strangers you meet. Like this one here…"

"Huh? Like Heero?…" Relena asked, the confusion evident in her voice.

"I never thought I’d end up seeing him again. I remember when Trowa first brought him to the circus. I guess I should have figured out what Trowa was then, but…I guess maybe I didn’t want to believe it. I remember wondering how a kid his age could’ve gotten hurt so badly. I never really thought he’d actually wake up…but I never had the heart to tell Trowa that. After all, it was the first time Trowa had ever asked me for anything. I didn’t want to let him down. So, I sat there every day and through the night…kind of like now. And when he did finally wake up, the first thing he said was your name…"

She stopped momentarily, sensing Relena’s eyes on her, and met the girl’s intense gaze, with eyes full of hope.

"Sometimes you have to remind them that what they’re fighting for is worth coming back to." She finished with a smile, pausing briefly before rising to her feet. "I’m gonna go see what Trowa and the others are up to…You need anything?"

"No." Relena replied, quietly. "But thank you."

"No problem."

Relena watched as Catherine silently exited the room, leaving her alone, with little more than worry and regrets. She glimpsed the plain white walls surrounding her, a symbol of the present emptiness in her life…yet; strangely, she could not bring herself to leave.

She indulged in the silence of the moment to step up next to his unconscious form, the overwhelming need to touch him, outweighing all reason.

She reached out, gently taking his right hand in hers, squeezing it reassuringly-but no response echoed the motion.

He felt cold…

lifeless…

His face looked strangely peaceful to her now, no longer masked by the usual determination that fueled his missions. Too many battles had aged him prematurely, stripping his youth and innocence.

Now, he appeared as a child to her, wounded and abandoned by the war that had raised him; finally becoming a victim of the very battles that baptized him in their blood and tears.

She pushed a particularly stubborn lock of hair away from his forehead, half expecting him to stir at her touch…and felt her hopes deflate as she received nothing but the pensive and steady rhythm of his shallow breathing.

She stopped to examine his face, though she knew every inch of it by heart, and studied it in the hope for some sign of improvement. But there was none to be found.

He was far too pale, and his frame seemed pounds leaner than the last time she had seen him. His disheveled mahogany locks were unable to conceal the bandage above his right eye, and she immediately noticed the faint traces of blood tainting its stark purity. She quickly shut her eyes, trying to prevent the image from imprinting itself in her memory, but it was too late. The image of that moment returned every time she closed her eyes, reminding her of her ineffectiveness to protect perhaps the only person she could ever truly love.

…Heero…

His name touched her thoughts as she envisioned that moment, feeling her heart fracture into a thousand tiny pieces as she felt his blood wash over her hands all over again.

Quatre had done his best to stop her, trying to convince her that she shouldn’t see him like that. Desperate to convince her of the toll it would take on her, though she had continuously refused to believe him. The fear playing in her imagination had been far too cruel to ignore. She had needed to see him. Even now, she could tell herself that.

She had broken free of Quatre’s grasp, bolting toward the battlefield with the sickening certainty that she was too late…always too late.

Even now, she could remember the blood, the surrealistic splashes of crimson painting the scene as she ran to his side. Her cheeks felt wet in the reminiscence of the tears she had uncontrollably shed, demanding to know what had happened, as she surrendered to her anguish.

Anguish that still plagued her, even in the comfort of his room, away from that battlefield. Away from that blood…

"You’re always running away from me, Heero." She whispered, as the tears began to burn deep trails down the length of her cheeks. "…Always running where I can’t follow you…Please, Heero, don’t leave me again. I’ve come so far, only to lose you time and time again. I don’t want to lose you this time…Heero…"

She wiped at the tears, bitterly, furious that she could allow herself to lose hope. She cursed her weakness; cursed herself for not being stronger, for him.

"You must think I am so weak…" She whispered, her voice failing her as the overpowering sadness drove her to her knees, tears raining freely down her face. "Why can’t I be stronger? Why can’t I be like you and just stop feeling? Just stop hurting like this? I don’t want…this pain anymore. I’m not as strong as you are, Heero. I’m just not strong enough."

Her tears soaked into the heavy fabric sheets, as Relena felt her strength abandon her. She suddenly felt so tired…and used up. Her mind and body, no longer able to deny the necessity for sleep, forced her eyes shut, Heero’s name dying softly on her lips.

END

Well, that’s it for episode 6. I hope you liked it. Don’t worry…Heero will be okay. I wouldn’t dream of killing him. I just gotta make him suffer a little. And what about Dasenya you ask? Oh, don’t worry…it will all make sense soon enough. I hope to get going on the next episode sometime this weekend. Please let me know what you think of it so far, though.