Rating: G DISCLAIMER:me no own...

"I hate and love: why I do so you may well ask. I do not know, but I feel it happen and am in agony."

"Man's love is of man's life a thing apart, 'Tis woman's whole existence."

"To live is like to love - all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct is for it."

Dedication: As always, Boo-chan, you play the muse...

Relena sighed, puzzling through their last encounter. The day had started off all right, her various meetings running smoothly. In fact, she had felt incredibly good coming out of her last meeting. Everyone had co-operated with each other, the weather had changed for the better, the sun peeking from behind the clouds to warm the crisp fall air, and it was almost the weekend. Now the only thing left to do was to wait for Heero to get back from work.

Taking the steps two at a time up to her room, Relena stripped as she went, ready to change into casual clothes by the time she reached her bedroom. Pulling her hair back in a loose pony-tail, she wandered aimlessly about the large room, gently brushing her fingers against various objects. The picture of Heero and her, the stuffed bear that squeaked, 'I think I love you,' when you squeezed its stomach, and other knick-knacks that were somehow important to her.

Flopping down on the bed, Relena pulled the bear that Heero had given her close, inhaling the faint 'Heero scent' that clung to it. Affectionately named Baldy, due to the patch of worn fur at the top of his head, Baldy was Relena's most trusted confidant. Countless secrets, hopes, dreams, and tears had been shared, and the small bear was probably the closest thing to a comfort toy that Relena had ever owned.

Glancing at the clock, Relena frowned. It was all ready seven thirty; Heero was usually here by now. 'Perhaps he was delayed at work, or maybe he and Duo went to grab something to eat,' Relena thought, dismissing any dark thoughts that tried to break through. Firmly ridding herself of these notions, she picked up her favorite book, intent on finishing it once more.

Relena was so engrossed in the storyline that she didn't even register the bedroom door opening until Heero closed it with a loud 'click'. About to give a cheerful greeting, she had to pause at the expression on his face.

Or lack of. Heero was once more wearing his 'Perfect Soldier' mask, allowing no emotion to show through. Which was a fairly good indication that he wasn't in the best of moods.

"Is something the matter, Heero?" Relena asked, hoping to draw him into conversation. If she could get him talking the problem would eventually surface...IF she could get him to talk.

With a mute shake of his head, Heero continued across the room, settling on the edge of the bed.

Sitting up, Relena eyed the tense muscles standing out on his neck. Trying to loosen him up, she began to gently massage his back in the hopes of getting him to talk. She was used to his silences, but still...it wasn't good for the soul, or the mind, to bottle up every emotion. Every once in a while all of them, including the bad ones, had to be let out to air. Otherwise they kept building in intensity until they erupted.

Relena had seen the result of Heero doing just that. It hadn't been a pretty sight.

"Would you like a backrub?"

Heero gave a short jerk of his head, rising to pace about the room. Watching him for several minutes, Relena tilted her head to the side in contemplation. Whatever it was, Heero was wound tight as one of Quatra's violin strings. On the heels of that thought came the disquieting reminder that every now and then those same strings snapped from the tautness that they were held at, ruining what had once been a beautiful melody.

Once more banishing the dark thoughts, Relena watched as Heero settled at her computer. Wincing at the idea of having to replace yet another keyboard, she sighed, then decided to let him work out his frustration through the computer. Maybe then he would be in the mood to discuss whatever was bothering him.

Relena turned back to her book, but now it had lost its appeal. In the end, the Princess found her Prince, the evil was banished, and everyone lived happily ever after. Relena had a feeling that wasn't going to be the case in this instance.

Sighing, she placed the book back on the nightstand, crossing over to where Heero was seated. Kneeling at his side, she placed one hand on his back, the other one his knee, leaning forward until she blocked his vision.

"Hello? Anybody in there?" She questioned softly, trying to draw a smile, a smirk, something, from the quiet man.

She received a frown. Not his full-blown Death Glare, but still...it hurt.

Abruptly rising, Heero turned to face her, not meeting her questioning eyes.

"I think I should go now," he muttered.

They stood in uneasy silence for several minutes, each unwilling to make the first move. Finally, Relena couldn't take it any longer.

Crossing to his side, she placed gentle hand on his arm, her right arm finding a resting place above his heart. The silence was killing her. One way or another, she had to find out what was wrong.

"Heero, whatever it is...let me know if I can help," she ventured softly, strangly hesitant to lay her head against him. It almost felt like he was putting off 'Don't touch me' vibes.

Looking up, Relena found Heero staring at her, a strange expression crossing his features. Opening his mouth to speak, he chose his words carefully.

"Perhaps Zechs was right."

"What?"

Heero sighed, shaking his head.

"Nevermind. Perhaps I...nevermind."

Moving in front of him, she blocked his progress to the door.

"You aren't leaving until you tell me," Relena said, trying to draw a smile.

Totally lost when Heero moved several steps away, Relena thought back. 'Perhaps Zechs was right'? What does...oh no...'

"Do you mean when he said that it wouldn't work between us? That you would drag me down with you?" She pressed, taking a half-step towards Heero.

Looking everywhere but at Relena, Heero ran his fingers through his unruly hair, before replying,

"Yeah."

Well, now it all made sense...in a way...

"Ah, Heero, he was angry when he said that. He didn't mean it."

Heero suddenly moved, grasping her by the forearms.

"But what if he's right? What if I'm stopping you from finding someone? What if you're meant to be with someone that knows what he's doing in the political world, someone that understands what being noble means? I...I don't..."

Relena looked up with sudden understanding in her eyes.

"Are you saying that you...want to stop seeing me?" She asked softly, determined, against all odds, not to cry. It was a weakness, one that she couldn't show him. She was NOT some sniveling little rich girl, she would NOT beg him to reconsider...she would NOT cry.

Heero let out a breath.

"So you feel the same way?"

Relena looked up into his blue eyes, trying to get her point across.

"No! I'm just trying to figure out what's bothering you. I want you..." Relena sighed in defeat. "I want you to be happy," she finished quietly, never breaking eye contact.

They stood in silence once more, each trying to find the words that would help ease the other.

Heero finally broke the silence.

"Look...I'm not sure...I mean, I don't know...I just...I feel like I'm holding you back!" He spat out, earnestly hoping to make Relena understand what he was doing. He wanted to give her an easy out, so that she wouldn't feel obligated to stay with him. She deserved better.

Relena, in the mean time, was fighting the urge to either laugh or cry. It was touching that he wanted what was best for her...but he was what she wanted. He made her feel like her life wasn't useless, like someone out there actually cared what really went on inside her head. Her friends, her family...no one understood her as well as he did. He knew when she was unhappy, no matter what she said. He knew when a hug was needed, when a dose of silliness, or a touching gesture, would help her get through the day.

"I...see," Relena said, although her tone clearly indicated that she didn't.

Heero sighed once more before continuing.

"I'm not even sure that's what I really mean. Please...just give me time?" He asked, waiting for her agreement. It came, in the form of a silent nod.

Deciding to leave, Heero paused at Relena's side, slipping one arm about her waist.

"It will be all right," he whispered, giving her a half-hug, before lightly running one finger up her incredibly ticklish side. Pausing by the door, he turned to give her a slight smile and a soft good-bye.

Relena silently counted to fifty, giving Heero time to descend the stairs. She refused to give in to her tears while he could still hear. She would not be weak...

The tears, ever uncaring of what her mind thought, rushed forward, threatening to obscure her vision. Glaring at the door before her, Relena tried in vain to stop the flood of tears before giving in.

With a sob, Relena opened the door, flying down the hallway to Noin's study. Perhaps Noin could pick up the pieces of her broken heart and put them back. Heavens knew that Relena would never be able to do that.

*sniff, sniff* Please let me know what you think...this story means a lot to me...