She missed him.  She missed the feel of his hands on her body as he touched, caressed, and fondled with tenderness reflected in his every action.  She missed the weight of his body on hers, the electric sensations he produced as his skin brushed against hers softly.  She missed his arms, warm and strong, holding her securely, making her feel safe and at home, at peace.  She missed the sound of his voice, the insubstantial whispers breathed solemnly in her ear, the muffled moans of pleasure as they moved together as one, even the deep monotone of his customary, dispassionate voice.  She missed the dark, messy brown of his hair, cool silk sliding between her fingers in the throws of passion as in the calm afterglow.  She missed his eyes, piercing blue orbs that turned to molten flame as he patiently watched her, protected her, . . . pleased her, reflecting satisfaction as she writhed beneath him.  She missed his lips, searching, tugging, kissing, tasting of her until she was totally aware and awakened, giving her a reality of dreams as they discovered every hidden facet of her body.  Most of all, she missed his scent, that musky male scent that was undeniably his, somehow hinting at danger and holding onto the salty smell of the sea, the scent that hung onto her skin still.  She missed him so much.

Gripping the bedsheets to her face tightly, Relena struggled to banish the feelings assailing her, fighting the tears that came to her eyes when she realized her head rested where his had four weeks ago.  Four short, horribly endless weeks.  She suddenly felt nauseous.

Sitting up, she glanced at her bedside digital alarm clock.  Two o'clock, and here she was with a full schedule of meetings from six till nine plus all the paperwork she still had to catch up on. She would get no sleep this night even if she was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted.  So tired.  She was just so tired.

Relena lay back onto the plush pillows where Heero's scent rose to greet her, comforting her while simultaneously making her stomach churn with depression and worry.  She let out a held breath and flung one bare arm over her eyes, thinking of the horrors that awaited her tomorrow.

The world of politics was a-buzz with the news of a new anti-Peacecraft group who wished another war on humanity.  Relena hadn't been very worried about them at first.  From the information that was presented to her, they didn't look very organized nor very numerous; however, talking it over with Quatre had changed her mind drastically.

"Don't let the fact that they don't look organized blind you to the fact that they may want you to think they're unorganized."

His words, softly spoken but forceful, had echoed in her mind since he had spoken them to her, his serious expression burned into her memory.  Quatre was hardly ever grim, and she had learned through experience to listen to him, by far the most sincere and emotional of the Gundam pilots.  Through countless meetings, political intrigues, and threats, Quatre had been her confidante and ally, being her support if ever she needed someone to back her on an issue, lending her an ear if she needed it, and giving her advice when she truly had no idea how to proceed with a new problem.  They had become very good friends, and she trusted him implicitly.  She would trust him now, and treat this newest threat to peace with caution no matter how small the group was.

A smile pulled on her lips as she thought of her appointments.  Perhaps she should cancel them and have an off-day.  Afterall, Quatre and his family were on Earth for the month and Duo and Hilde, who had just moved nearby, were supposedly having a party to celebrate their engagement.  It would be good to see everyone again, especially since it had been such a long time since she had any carefree fun with friends, always too busy to attend little get-togethers and group dates.  She felt like she was becoming distant from them, existing on a different, very lonely, plane far below them.

The smile faded as that thought passed through her mind, causing the nausea assailing her to intensify.  Rolling onto her stomach, Relena rested her chin on her folded arms, biting her lower lip thoughtfully, her mind fixed on that tiny seed of profound thought.

It was true.  She was below them now.  They were moving on, all of them, even Wufei and Trowa.  They had lives independent of their pasts, and she was stuck, her future hanging precariously from the precipice, depending on the decision of one man.  Heero Yuy.

Restless now, Relena slithered out of bed, suddenly feeling faint in addition to the turbulence of her gut, and stepped lightly toward her private bathroom.  The room wasn't dark, the moon high and full illuminating the rather large room for her benefit, and yet, the shadows and blue/gray light meshed together, making her vision swim as wave after wave of dizziness shrouded her senses.

"What . . . What's wrong with me?" she whispered to herself, bringing one hand up to cover her eyes while the other searched for something solid for support.  It wasn't the first time she had felt sick and dizzy.  In fact, she could recount three episodes of this sort from the past week, and if memory served, it got worse each time it occurred.

Lowering herself to the floor, she breathed in deeply, her eyes closed while trying to steady herself.  There, she felt slightly better.  Opening her eyes, she found that she was still slightly dizzy and the nausea had calmed somewhat.  It was probably better to wait a bit before making a move to get to the bathroom.

Her thoughts, as always, returned to Heero.  What was he doing now?  Was he in danger?  Was he having as bad a time as she was?  Did he think of her as she thought of him?  Why was she driving herself crazy with all of these questions?

With great effort, Relena pulled herself to her feet and tried again for the bathroom.  The nausea came back with a vengence, and she had to run to avoid making a mess on her carpeted floor. She stayed like that, head bowed over the toilet bowl for hours, her stomach emptying itself of everything she had eaten the day before.

It was a long night, and she just knew that if her luck didn't change soon, it was going to be an even worse day.

Deciding not to cancel all her appointments, Relena mused, had been a very bad idea.

Surrounded by her bodyguards, she was pushed along through the crowd of the press, blinded by the flashing lights of cameras, dodging the microphones shoved in her face, deafened by the yelling voices of questioning newsmen and women.

Issuing a few 'no comments', Relena let out a relieved sigh when she reached her limo and Pagan opened the door for her.  She literally jumped into the vehicle, eager to be away from the rabid wolves just outside the tinted window.  It was days like this that made her wish for a relatively normal teenaged life.  It was days like this that made it that much harder to keep the tears at bay.

Leaning her head back and closing her eyes, she groaned as a wave of nausea washed over her. Motion sickness?  She had never experienced that before, but then again, she had been experiencing strange illnesses for the past couple days.  Nothing surprised her anymore.  Perhaps it was all the stress of being a young, female politician.

"Miss Relena?"

Opening her eyes, Relena met Pagan's gaze through the rearview mirror.

"Yes Pagan?"

"Mr. Winner has invited you to have dinner and spend the night at his mansion.  What shall I tell him?"

Relena's eyes wandered to the window where she watched the passing buildings, people, and trees with growing discomfort.  She didn't answer.

"He said that Miss Hilde, Mister Duo, and the others would also be there, and if I may say so Miss, I think it would cheer you to see them again."

Relena smiled and turned back to him, trying her damndest to keep the contents of her stomach at bay.  The decision had already been made last night.  She couldn't stand being alone anymore.

"I would be delighted to go."

"Shall I inform him of your impending arrival?"

The smile broadened, "No.  I want this visit to be a surprise."

"Damn Quatre, quite a place you have here!"

*SMACK*

"Whadja hit me for Hilde-babe?"  Duo whined, rubbing the back of his head as he glared at his fiancee.

"Can you at least act as if you have manners?  Besides, you shouldn't cuss in front of Devon," Hilde flippantly replied as she squatted down to greet Quatre's two year old son, Devon, who looked like a carbon copy of his father but had inherited his mother's eyes (thankfully not her eyebrows *shiver*).

While Hilde was occupied with the little boy, Duo and Quatre exchanged glances that said more than if they had talked outright.  Despite appearances this 'party' wasn't just a gathering of old friends but a gathering of the minds.  Of course, Dorothy, Hilde, and the other females involved with their respective Gundam pilots knew nothing of the grim situation looming over their happy little get-together, and the men wanted to keep it that way for the time being . . . however . . .

"So is Relena coming?" Hilde asked, rising from her stooped position with the toddler in her arms, his little head resting on her shoulder.

Quatre smiled a tight smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, "No, I'm afraid she was indisposed."

"Hilde!  Duo!  It's so good to see you both!"  Dorothy breezed in, and Duo suppressed a shudder. Old habits died hard.

Hilde smiled and hugged the other woman, marveling at the change in the platinum blonde. Where there used to be a war-loving, blood thirsty warrior, now stood a placid house wife and mother.  She supposed this change was credited in no small way to Quatre, and while she had noticed the difference before, it was still quite hard to accept that this woman and the woman who had very nearly killed Quatre only a few years ago were the same person.

They were just stepping away to go into the living room when a knock on the door halted all conversation.  Quatre turned about and took the few steps to the door, opening it to find Catherine, Sally, and Wufei, the two women smiling brightly while the Chinese man glowered morosely.

Quatre exclaimed happily, seeing them together then calmed and asked, "Where's Trowa?"

"He's coming.  He said he had something to do first . . . like wrap a G-I-F-T for a certain blond, gray eyed little boy we all know and love," Catherine answered as she took Devon from Hilde and whirled the laughing child about.

Dorothy smiled, her eyes twinkling with happiness as she watched her son laugh and chatter with his aunt, "We were just moving into the living room . . ."

"Even better!  Let's move into the dining room so we can eat!  I'm starved!"

"Hilde!  Let go of the HAIR!!!"

"Shut up Duo!  You're always hungry."

Everyone (with the exception of the slightly grinning Wufei) laughed and followed Quatre and Dorothy into their living room, enjoying Hilde and Duo's antics all the way.

"I've called and informed your brother of your whereabouts, and he has promised to cancel the rest of your appointments until noon tomorrow."

Relena nodded and smiled as she stepped out of the limo, feeling free already, "Thank you Pagan."  She moved to close the door when Pagan's concerned voice reached her again, making her pause,

"Are you sure you don't wish me to drive you to Mister Winner's gate?"

"No, but thank you again Pagan.  I need to walk about a bit and breathe a little.  I'll be fine," she gave him a sweet smile, taking in his wizened face . . . . . It was high time she try to convince him to retire and spend more time with his family.  If there was anything she learned through the war and the subsequent events leading up to Heero's final departure, it was that family and loved-ones were more important than any occupation.

She closed the door and watched the limo disappear around a corner, then began the mile walk to Quatre's home.  The sidewalk and road were empty, all signs of life shut away inside the rich mansions and large houses barracaded by large iron gates and electric fences.  The sun was setting, creating the illusion that the sky was ablaze with an angry fire . . No, not angry -- passion. A fire of passion lit the sky.  The color spread upon the earth, leaving no blade of grass untouched by its brilliance, the reds, yellows, and oranges reflecting the colors of her soul at that moment.

She was free till noon tomorrow, and she had no idea how to express the jubilation that reality brought into her weary heart.  With a slight skip in her step, she pressed on, humming tunelessly as her thoughts drifted to the colors of the sunset once more.

The passionate depths of the sky lended an almost sensual feel to an innocent scene.  It was almost as if the sun was making love to the sky before leaving it to the darkness.  What a fitting picture for her set of circumstances.  A sour expression marred Relena's face at the comparison.

She was NOT going to be sullen.  She was NOT going to sulk and brood and be perverse about this.  She WAS going to have fun with her friends.  She WAS going to enjoy her freedom for this one night.  She was NOT going to think about HIM and what they did.  She was NOT going to ruin a chance at enjoying herself.

Her mind made up, Relena began to hum again, turning her attention to the houses she passed. Lights shown through the atmosphere as the light of day dimmed into the darkness of night.  Such happy pinpoints of light, evidence of life being lived.  She wondered what each lit room held:  a family dinner being served, two lovers sitting together sipping champagne and making plans for the future, a playroom filled with laughter as the children played house, an elderly couple enjoying a quiet card game, old friends chatting and giggling at old memories, or a solitary figure crying out his/her regrets?

Shaking her head sadly, she picked up her pace a bit, seeing her destination coming into view.  A smile came slowly to her face as she thought of everyone.  She didn't know Trowa or Wufei all that well since she didn't see them very much and really didn't understand their personalities.  Of course, that was her fault.  She was too busy, always another damn meeting, another social function to be attended to, and she never tried to get to know them.  Tonight would be the perfect time to remedy that mistake.

Duo and Quatre were another story.  While she didn't work closely with Duo, he always made the effort to visit her when he was in town, whether she was busy or not.  To a degree, this annoyed her somewhat, however, the visits also reminded her not to overdo things, to try and balance work and simple pleasure, to not lose sight of what's important in life.

Quatre was the same, only she saw much more of him due to their respective social status.  It wasn't uncommon for the two of them to arrive at political meetings, conferences, and parties together, nor was it unusual for them to have lunch dates and dinners afterward.  She valued Quatre's friendship more than she could ever say.  He was a kindred spirit, and understood what she was going through better than anyone.

As for Hilde, Catherine, Dorothy, and Sally . . . well, they were her female support group.  Hilde had gone out of her way to befriend Relena after the whole Peacemillion episode, and the two often chatted late into the night since Relena usually didn't get home from her political 'friends' till midnight.  If Quatre was her political confidante, then Hilde was her confidante for all things non-political.

Catherine, while Relena didn't see her much, was a very close friend also.  It was Catherine who had witnessed a few crying spells when Relena wanted to give up hope of ever seeing Heero again, Catherine who patted Relena's hand when some snooty reporter ran off at the mouth about Relena's decisions and policies, and Catherine who brought a bit of sisterly loyalty into Relena's life.  True, Noin was there, but Relena didn't like taking Noin's attention from her brother and vice versa.  Catherine was a godsend not only to Trowa but to her as well.

Relena's smile grew a little wider.  Dorothy.  After the war was over, Dorothy had gone through a period of depression that had astounded everyone.  The girl who had so exulted war now cried of its horrors, but was now so scared of living that it was a chore trying to get her to eat.  Relena had done everything she could to help her pseudo-friend, at once concerned for the other girl's sanity and suspicious that it was just an act, and when everyone had given up hope, Quatre, newly recovered from his wounds, had swooped down like a guardian angel and pulled Dorothy out of the embers under which she was buried.  One thing led to another, they were married, had little Devon, and were now living in marital bliss. 

And Sally Po . . . Sally was what Relena affectionately called 'Mother Hen.'  It was Sally's job to see Relena protected from all bodily harm, but she also protected Relena's mind.  Relena could look to Sally for emotional support.  They had such a good rapport with each other that Relena cleared her schedule each month so they could have some quality time to talk about men, politics, and stress.  She trusted Sally with her most personal thoughts, and it seemed Sally trusted her with the same.  In a way, Sally was very much a third mother to Relena.

All of these different relationships, Relena mused, and I still yearn for more . . . Am I really that selfish?

As she got closer and closer to the Winner mansion, the smell of smoke permeated her nostrils, and she suddenly felt sick.  Halting momentarily, Relena gripped the stiff metal bars of the Winner gate, her eyes closed and breath coming in gasps.  She felt dizzy.   God, not now . . . not NOW . . .

Screwing up her determination, Relena forced herself to go a few steps forward.  She was not going to let something as trivial as dizziness and nausea ruin her night of independence, her night to spend with her friends, her second family, sibling bonds forged in the heat of war to be cooled and hardened by the winds of peace.

The world tilted and swayed, her vision becoming watery and blurred, forcing her to stop and seek support again.  Her hand rose and reached for the iron gate again, but somehow missed just as a wave of faintness rushed her, throwing her totally off-balance.  She felt herself falling, and miraculously had the presence of mind to brace herself for impact, but just before her body hit the ground, two strong arms stopped her descent and lifted her against a warm, solid body.  She had never felt so relieved.

Turning her head toward her savior, she tried to focus on his face but found that her eyes were not being cooperative.  Another tidal wave of dizziness swept over her, and she felt the darkness beckon.

"Hee . . . ro . . . ?" she murmered questioningly, hopefully.  She didn't get to hear the answer for the call of unconsciousness was stronger than her will at that moment, and Relena Darlian Peacecraft did something she had never done before even in the face of death . . . She gave into the illness and fainted.