~ She was lost in a sea of white light, drowning in the thick heat enfolding her, blinded by the obnoxious blaze surrounding her.  The gleaming universe touched everything, its depth fathomless, its essence invading her senses till she no longer knew where the light ended and she began. It warmed her skin and burned her hair with its warmth while her eyes were melted with its radiance. The scent of sunlight, rainstorms, and roses permeated her nostrils as her tongue tasted of the tangy elixir of life and death interposed and combined with the heady sweetness of love.

Pain. The light stretched out to fill the void located within the space of her heart, attempting to mend the rift countless battles had left between various factions of humanity with loving care and a sound mind. She realized, she was the glue that held the universe together, and yet there was nothing to keep *her* from falling apart as her heart was shattered time and again, the crystal shards stolen away by the thieving people she wished to help. It was tearing her apart, and this light, her very own soul had become torn as well, a vacuum of emotions consuming her inside and out with the departure of her other half.

Darkness filtered in, malevolent shadows rising, eating away the light till emptiness ruled and the splintered pieces of her broken heart disappeared, blown away by the cold winds of abandonment. But she wasn't abandoned, was she? The baby . . . she still had . . .

She had been so blind, so naive to believe the world could hold any happiness for her. Disillusionment now colored her vision while experience and bitterness replaced the innocence and sweetness that had once inhabited her chest, the fragile glass and delicate fire of her soul now completely broken, extinguished, gone.

. . . his baby . . .

The sound of a thousand voices, each one discernible and familiar, rose to meet her ears, screaming in chorus with one another. A name. Was it hers? Were they screaming her name?

The universe contracted and changed before her eyes, light and darkness skewed and dimmed to create a simulated desert night. An ocean of sand stretched out before her, the wavy sand dunes were white as hills of snow glittering under the moonlight, the stillness so complete she didn't want to breathe for fear of ruining the serenity of the moment. The voices were silenced.

A cry split the quiet atmosphere, and she felt her heart spring to life, somehow knowing the cry of her own child. Swinging around to the right, she caught sight of a rose bush, happily growing, rising from the desert sands, its delicate branches twisting and molding together to form a bowl shaped structure, pink roses liberally spread throughout the sculpted figure. It was a cradle -- a cradle holding a dissatisfied occupant.

Filled with a nervous eagerness, she crossed to the natural crib, bending to lift the blanket wrapped bundle of joy in her arms, wishing to alleviate her child's frustrated wails. The baby resting in her arms, she felt her heart flip with joy at finally feeling the warmth of her own offspring as she held the small body close to her chest, her lips and voice crooning a soft lullaby as her hand lifted to fold back the blanket hindering her view of her child's face.

A vision. Long blonde hair. Pale, blue eyes.  Dead.

She screamed.~

Gasping desperately for air, Relena clawed at the blankets like a lifeline, tears streaming down her face, her body trembling with desperation and fear as the last echoes of her blood-curdling scream faded into the darkness. She could still see that angelic, horrific face in her mind, the decapitated head of a woman whose features were at once startlingly familiar and disturbingly alien.

Strong hands and solid arms grabbed and shook her, and it was only then did she realize she had been struggling and yelling frantically against phantoms that only she could see while Trowa tried to anchor her back to reality. She came back to herself, shock and relief palpable as she stared into his concerned green eyes as if she couldn't believe he was real. With a trembling hand, she caressed his cheek, testing his solidity, then launched herself into his arms needing to feel the security and warmth of being close to another human being, wanting to experience the peace Trowa's presence seemed to give her as he shielded her from the ghosts running rampant inside her head.

Closing her eyes, she allowed him to rock her back and forth as she sobbed into his chest. The nightmares were getting worse, each one gorier than the last, each one with a secret she had yet to unlock. She was scared to close her eyes without someone nearby to pull her from the abyss, fearful she was slowly losing her mind to whatever message her subconscious was trying to give her, terrified of what the next nightmare might reveal.

"It's alright Relena. You're safe," Quatre's voice reached her as his hand began to rhythmically rub her back, the small circular motions hypnotic to her battered state of mind.

Her face still buried in Trowa's shirt, Relena shook her head slowly, her body succumbing to the last few tremors this latest nightmare had wrought. She would never be safe again . . . at least, not from her mind. They could protect her physical body, but they couldn't control her dreams. She had never felt so helpless.

"You wanna tell us about these bad dreams of yours?"  Duo's hand rested on her shoulder.  She didn't answer, but she could feel Trowa move his head slightly towards the right where Duo leaned upon the bed. A few moments later Duo and Quatre left quietly, Wufei close behind.

"Will you be alright?" Trowa's velvety voice vibrated pleasantly under her ear as she turned her head to rest against him, teartracks glittering on her cheeks.

"I hope so," she answered honestly before lifting her head and pushing away from him, "Thank you. I've been a burden to everyone lately, and now you guys are being forced to stay with me." She tried to smile, but her lips trembled at the false show of sentiment.

"We aren't being forced," he reassured her softly, his fingers wiping the wetness from her face before grasping her hand and pulling her off the bed and to the door, "Dinner's ready."

"Dinner? You mean . . . we made it?" She hadn't expected to reach . . . wherever their destination was, quite so fast.

"Quatre cooked. We arrived three hours ago. Everything is unpacked."

Relena allowed herself to be lead down the stairs and into the kitchen, not really paying attention to her immediate surroundings.  Duo and Quatre smiled at her while Wufei glanced her way with a frown before taking a seat at the table. She suddenly felt self-conscious and wished she would have taken the time to at least wash her face before coming down to face the men she would be living with . . . Oh God, she was living with three men . . . and her pregnant! What would the neighbors think?

"Hey Relena? Why are you staring at me like that?" Duo waved a hand in front of Relena's face in the hopes her zombie-like stare would cease, especially since it seemed directed at him.

She blinked and lowered her eyes uncertainly, a blush staining her cheeks, "Sorry. I must have zoned out for a bit." Relena could feel Quatre and Duo smile at her, their worry dissipating and easing the unconscious tension in the medium sized room as they all sat down to dinner.

They ate in relative silence, and Relena used the time to study her surroundings, her new home for an uncertain amount of time. The kitchen was very . . . 'homey' was probably the best word. The room was a fair size, organized and very efficient looking, decorated with earthy hues for the floor and walls while the counter tops were colored a deep green. The smell of fresh herbs lingered in the air, and there was a cozy warmth that melted away her unease and soothed her weary heart. The only appliances included, besides the table at which they dined, was the stove/oven and refrigerator. Very old fashioned and lacking more modern facilities, but she didn't mind. She found she rather liked eating in the kitchen rather than an expansive dining room with only three occupants at a long banquet table. This was a much more personal atmosphere, and by the end of dinner, she was actually smiling, the nightmare pushed to the back of her mind.

After dinner and being shooed out of the kitchen, Quatre showed Relena around the house. Entering the main door, the first room was the living room furnished with various book shelves, an entertainment center, coffee table, and beige sofa set. A single set of stairs were just a few feet forward and to the right of the afore mentioned main door. The kitchen was an open space connected to the living room, while the laundry room was situated just beneath the stairs. Relena was also shown a downstairs bathroom that had been squeezed into what had once been a closet to the rear of the living room.

The blond Arabian then showed her up to the bedrooms upstairs. The first room, also referred to as 'the first line of defense' was Wufei's which Relena was surprised to find already furnished and decorated with the pilot's personal things. Directly across the short hall was Duo's room which was similarly outfitted with his own unique style. Trowa's room, a Spartan affair to be sure, adjoined hers which was the very last room and had (surprise) already been decorated for her in a style which showed extraordinary good taste on the part of the decorator. Quatre explained that not only was her room the most secure, but it was also the closest to the upstairs bathroom for her late night convenience.

The tour completed, Quatre smiled and pulled her into his arms for a friendly hug, "I'm leaving tomorrow." He pulled back to look her in the eye, "Is there anything that you need that the four of us haven't thought of?"

He looked so earnest, so eager to please that she had trouble keeping her face in a neutral expression, "No. Everything seems to be in order, but I would like to know why my brother had to sedate me."

The smile he aimed at her was apologetic and regretful, "I'm sorry about that. We thought it would be wise to keep the location of this house a total secret from you for as long as possible. As it is, even with your knowledge as limited as it is, the risk of a leak is still very high from both this end and Preventer headquarters."

"What about the baby? Didn't anyone think of my child's safety?"

Quatre rested his arm about her shoulders, turning her to go back downstairs, "Sally made sure the sedative would have no harmful affects on the child. We just wanted to minimize the risk of the enemy acquiring your location."

"I see," Relena looked over at him as they stepped down onto the first step. Her eyes dropped uncertainly before she leaned toward him and inquired softly, "Why is Trowa's room adjoining mine?"

Blue eyes filled with suppressed mirth and secrets, Quatre pulled her along with him as he stepped lightly toward the ground floor, "He asked for it. He's fulfilling a promise to Heero. I don't know exactly what happened, but before Heero left, he visited Trowa and made him promise to take care of you if anything happened to him."

Relena nodded, not sure how to respond to that. On the one hand, learning that someone is watching over you because of some promise that was made and not because he genuinely cared wasn't the least bit flattering, but Trowa had been considerate and patient with her; not to mention, the man had the most impeccable timing when it came to her more inconvenient pregnancy symptoms. On the other hand, the mention of Heero securing a suitable protector for her was enough to make her heart skip a beat and her blood rush to her face, the sound of his voice whispering through her memory, "Aishiteru, Relena."  She couldn't help the answering whisper of his name from leaving her lips, "Heero . . ."

~ Meanwhile, somewhere far, far away (across the world actually) . . . ~

"Relena . . ." Heero murmured coming instantly awake from a dead sleep. This dream had been the most graphic of them all, allowing him to relive -- in painful detail -- every soft, tentative touch, each brush of smooth skin against his own, the all-encompassing fire that seemed to devour them as they moved together, the moment she merged with him . . . became his and he became hers, and her voice crying his name as they both succumbed to ecstasy.

He eased a hand over his eyes and through his hair before sitting up. Despite how utterly indescribable making love to her had been, the dream left him feeling a sense of incompletion, and the meaning was perfectly clear: He was empty without her to fill him with her goodness, her peace. His hand reached into his pocket where her picture lay --

"Damn boy, you got it bad, don't ya?" His fingers froze as they just skimmed the edge of the old photo, and Mai's head popped up beside him as she smiled brightly. Really, it had to be a crime somewhere to be that cheerful 24/7.

Grunting, Heero jumped from his top bunk to the floor silently in an impossible show of skill, but Mai was not to be put off. She was nothing if not persistent.

"So who's this Relena person? Is it the pretty lady in that photo you're always looking at?"  The younger girl smirked slightly, but her eyes held a melancholy expression that Heero read as pity. He just stared at her with his usual blank expression, not willing to give his innermost emotions to the outside world. Only one person could have that part of him.

"It is, isn't it? Cool! Is she yer girlfriend or something? Or maybe you're in love with her, and she's with someone else? What's the scoop Jaggie!?" Mai bounced upon her bunk excitedly, not minding she was millimeters away from hitting her head upon the steel frame of his bed. He almost wished she would.

Sighing resignedly, Heero decided it wouldn't kill him to give her a little nugget of information in this instance. He had been very thorough in keeping any and all forms of propaganda against Relena and the Peacecraft family away from Mai, so he was reasonably certain that Relena was in no danger from his energetic bunkmate.  "She's my --" What WAS she? Was she his girlfriend, lover, or just a friend? Did making love to someone then leaving constitute a relationship?

Mai's smile got wider if that were possible, "She's yer what? Hehe, you're so cute when you blush!" She giggled lightly, her face bright with enthusiasm with the promise of gossip.

Damn, he hadn't even been aware he was blushing, "It's nothing. How did you see her picture?" He never took it out of his pocket till he was sure he was either alone or Mai was asleep.  It was just too dangerous to openly admit he knew one of the Peacecraft line in a place crawling with anti-Peacecraft supporters.

"Oh calm down pardnah! I wasn't goin' through yer stuff or nothin'! It was just layin' on yer desk so I sneaked a peak. For what it's worth, she looks really nice, and you guys would make an absolutely adorable couple!"

Heero felt his mouth quirk upward at the corners a bit, "She is, and thank you." He inwardly laughed at the shocked expression on Mai's face as she suddenly halted in her bouncing to gape at him for a moment before jumping up and hugging him.

"I got you to smile! GO ME!" She laughed loudly in his ear, and he felt an answering warmth to her exuberant spirit. If he wasn't careful, he would probably start thinking of her as a little sister or something equally ridiculous.

His heart turned cold when the glint of gold caught his eye, a very familiar looking pendant resting against the base of Mai's neck, "What is this?" He fingered the slightly tarnished gold locket, opening the tiny latch to see the picture inside.

"I found it the other day. Why? You know who that woman is?" Mai's hazel eyes openly expressed her confusion and worry as she reached for the nape of her neck to undo the clasp, handing him the locket for further study.

Studying the tiny picture, Heero felt his blood turn to ice.  Staring back at him was a set of very familiar blue eyes, Relena's eyes.

~ One week later at the . . . er Relena/Gundam boys residence hehe ^_^ ~

Relena sat on the back deck, a place she had discovered the third day of hiding, and kicked her legs against the hard wood supporting the house, her bare feet dangling a few inches from the grassy earth while she leaned back on her palms.

It was so peaceful, this place nestled in the middle of the woods, the smell of fresh pine and the fresh, cool breeze soothing the demons that seemed to devour her soul in the night. She was entranced by the pink sky as the sun fell through the cloudless dome of heaven, the trees masking its bright presence as it sunk into the forest, taking the light of day away in favor of the settling dark of night. Another day gone, another night of bad dreams.

Her small smile faded as she felt a sudden chill in the air, her body shivering with the half-remembered horrors that left her cold and sweating in the darkness.

The rustle of cloth and a foreign weight upon her shoulders startled her out of her musings as she let out a soft cry of surprise.

"It's getting late. Come in." Relena closed her eyes, not needing to look behind her to know that it was Wufei who had come to fetch her. In the seven days she had spent living with him, Duo, and Trowa, she had learned to identify each by their own specific methods of caring for her. Duo often clearly announced when he was near, treating her with humor and a gentle sort of playfulness. Trowa was quiet, hardly ever speaking to her, but always very precise in making sure she had everything she could possibly need. He was even professional when holding her hair back when she was kneeling and wretching at the toilet bowl. Wufei was a paradox. She was very much aware of his dislike for her, and yet, despite his callous way of speaking to her, he was also very . . . what was the word? discriminating when it came to the question of her welfare. He seemed to know exactly where she was and what she was doing at all times, knew when she used the phone, who she spoke to, and exactly what was said. The Chinese man had even gone so far as to inspect every single thing she ate, counting calories and keeping a record of her vitamin intake, until she had taken over the kitchen that is. It was a trifle at times, but she would much rather have him as a genuine friend than as some dedicated nursemaid.

"Wufei? Can I talk to you for a moment?" She felt his gaze burn into her back, the jacket he had lain across her shoulders, doing nothing to shield her from his silence, and for a moment, she was afraid he would just leave.

The silence stretched out, and she had to fight the urge to turn to look at him when she felt rather than heard the wood bending under his weight as he stepped to the edge of the deck beside her. He didn't sit down. She didn't care.

"I know you don't like me much," she heard him snort, "and I know you would probably rather be somewhere else than in some forest protecting me." She paused, waiting for him to say something, and when he didn't, she tipped her face up to look at him to find his black-eyed gaze fixed on her, "I just . . . I want to apologize for being so much trouble."

They just stared at each other, his eyes seeing right through her, a trait he shared with the other pilots. Relena eyed him apprehensively as he lowered himself to a squatting position, looking her in the eye, "Speak up Woman. What's really bothering you?"

Nose to nose, Relena's face drooped into a scowl, "Nothing is bothering me."

"Liar. You've been keeping us awake with all of your screaming."

Wufei smirked as her eyes widened. She hadn't realized she had been screaming outloud when she screamed in her dreams! How embarrassing!  Her temperature rose as she blushed in humiliation, "I've . . I've been having nightmares."

"Is that all? How weak." The condescending note in his voice grated upon her sensitive nerves as an answering independent fire lit in eyes that hadn't reflected the light of resistance and strength in a long time. It was what he had been waiting for.

"Y . . . you . . . chauvinistic . . .," she struggled with her words as several emotions, anger, frustration, resentment, and long seated fury built over the last few months at Heero's abandonment, her own foolishness at ignoring the danger surrounding her, and having to leave her family and friends, came to the fore.

Inwardly, Wufei was encouraging her anger, wanting her to let out the tension he had seen mirrored in every action, every movement, and every word. She was beginning to turn into Heero or something like him, and Sally had made it perfectly clear that since she was not going to be around to make sure Relena's mental health remained intact, he would. Besides, he hated it when people did not stay true to their emotions. Relena needed to release all the pent up depression she had begun to harvest since Heero left, and he had decided shortly after their arrival that he would be the one to help her do it.

Staring at the blonde with a rather menacing smirk, Wufei narrowed his eyes, peripheral vision picking up Trowa's form approaching them.  Good, he would have back-up if Relena became too lost in her anger to be mindful of the baby's safety.

Relena's expression darkened as something within her snapped, and she suddenly pounced upon Wufei, pushing him down upon his back and straddling his stomach, her hands grasping his shirt to shake him roughly. The echoes of her voice spewing out a string of expletives that would make Duo blush bounced off the walls of the house and into the still air as dusk settled around them.

It didn't take long for her voice to become hoarse with the strain of sustaining a steady yell, her arms to grow sore and weak from shaking him., and her spirit to become drained with the emotional overload and purging. Wufei stared up into her wide blue eyes, trying to ignore the pain blossoming in his head from being thumped repeatedly on the wooden surface of the deck as her hands released the material of his shirt and tears gathered in her eyes.

With a gentleness that surprised even himself, Wufei gathered Relena to him as she became no more that a sobbing heap of flesh, his hand smoothing her hair, his voice whispering soft comforts.

In the falling darkness, Trowa smiled and turned back into the house. Wufei had succeeded in his mission. He only hoped he and Duo did as well.