Disclaimer: This is my first songfic, so try to be kind. I do not own Gundam Wing or the masterpiece of music that is this song. However, I do feel that the only way to express how much I truly love it, is to utilize it in this introspective (and otherwise, just plain moody) piece.

Numb by Luvspook

(Original song and lyrics by Disturbed)

A machine.

Unfeeling and alone.

The way it has always been.

And maybe the way it was meant to be.

Bleeding now I’m

Crying out I’m

Falling down and I’m

Feeling nothing like

Laughing now I’m

Stopping now I’m

Reaching out and I’m

Feeling nothing

The war took what little humanity I had left, and buried it so deeply, that I doubt I will ever find it again. Perfection in battle at the sacrifice of my soul. And now that the fighting has stopped, and all purpose for a soldier is gone, how do I recover what they have taken from me? How do I begin to live after so long, knowing that I have only lived in order to destroy? Where do I start?…

Yeah, you’ve created a rift within me

There’ve been several complications

And I’m left with feeling nothing

I might say

You were wrong to take it from me

You’ve left me feeling nothing

The pain is still present, of knowing what I once was. Before Operation: Meteor; before innocent blood painted my heart, turning it cold and black. My soul can still hear the screams and writhes in the agony of what I have become.

Dr. J made me a monster…even worse, a machine. A machine that would never again smile or laugh. Would never again bear the burden of weakness that was human emotion. Never suffer loss and pain. So why do I suffer now? Why is my soul bleeding slowly for the tears I cannot shed?

Crawling now I’m

Beaten down I’m

Tortured now and I’m

Feeling nothing like

Hunting now I’m

Stalking now I’m

Reaching out and I’m

Killing nothing

Now the war is over, and I don’t want to kill anymore, but the instinct is always there. To relinquish the control that no conscience has given me, I would make myself vulnerable and weak. I would become a child again, with no one and nothing. I would return to being that lost child that I cast out so long ago. So why would I want that? Why would I cling to the image of that scared orphan who used to cry out in the night?

I can feel you ripping and tearing

Feeding and growing

Inside of me

I want this more than you know

I need this

Give it back to me

I only want to feel.

Gladly spill my own blood to convince myself that I am human.

Gladly fight and die to save others from this pain.

Save myself from the pain of ever again asking that one, simple question…

Why?

END

Okay, so you made it this far, and you’re still here, so I guess it wasn’t the worst thing you’ve ever read, right? Pleeeeeeeeeeease write a review. I want to know what you think…GOOD OR BAD!!