Private Emotion by Kysra

*We see Relena in a long white sundress walking on the beach from afar. She's holding a large brimmed white hat in a relaxed grip as her hair and skirt fly in the strong winds, the waves nipping at her ankles. The music begins.*

~Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray~

Relena's mind was a flurry of thoughts, mostly melancholy, as she walked along their beach . . . the beach she had first seen him, the beach where he had first run away from her. It had been three years since that fateful meeting, and she still couldn't think of this place without picturing him and her heart rate increasing ten fold.

Her gaze tipped up to the full moon which illuminated the normally golden sands with a blue-gray tinge, the waters which usually shown blue in the sun now a depressing inky black color which did little to alleviate her current depression. He was gone again.

Sighing petulantly she reprimanded herself for wishfully thinking he would stay this time. Just because he had come to save her didn't necessarily mean that he saw her differently than the rest of the world. However, she had hoped and prayed, as she had held him to her that day . . . that awful yet wonderful day a few months past, that it would be different this time. She had wished with all her heart that he would stay with her. Obviously, hoping had been futile since he had left with nary a goodbye a few days after, breaking her already shattered heart once more.

Tears, unbidden, came to her eyes, and she slowed her pace to stare at the black ocean, the cold waters numbing her bare feet as the surf crashed in only to be pulled out once more. Such a deep, dark body of water . . . deep and dark, broken like her inner self.

So deep in her thoughts was she, that Relena lost her grip on her hat which was torn out of her hand by an unexpectedly strong gust of wind. She gasped and turned to see the object of her thoughts pluck it out of the turbulent air a few yards away. Heero was here.

~And it shines on you, baby can't you see
You're the only one who can shine for me~

He stood there, staring at her dispassionately, the hat grasped between his fingers. Relena didn't understand why he was here but that didn't stop her from whispering his name like a prayer, her face alight with an emotion he had seen on her face time and time again when she looked upon him.

Heero didn't understand why he was there either, but something had drawn him to her from the very moment of their first meeting. The compassion and worry in her eyes had awakened to him a world that had previously been nonexistant, a world where a pure soul walked the path to peace.

When he had left this last time, he had been certain he would never return again, believing that he had finally secured her safety. As time wore on, however, he had realized that nothing short of watching her from the shadows 24/7 would ever completely assure him that she was okay, and almost regretfully, he had had to look within to find the reason her well-being mattered so much to him.

He had been startled -- and a little relieved -- to come upon the epiphany that she was his light, the one who had lit a flame within his own being, the one who had given a little of his soul back to him after all the desensitizing, training, and battles had wiped out the emotion within him. She was his everything.

And so he had come back to find her, to show her . . . to love her.

~It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And the silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me~

Relena shook slightly at the cold pervading her limbs as she stared at he who had consumed her thoughts, and she jumped when he began towards her, his face intense, his step sure. Her mind turned to jello as it occurred to her that he was probably here to finally fulfill that promise so long ago made but fear was not her first impulse (it never was where he was concerned), no, only a deep sense of regret and hundreds of what-might-have-been's filled her heart as she stood stock still in the face of his slow approach.

*All in all* she thought while studying him *it isn't an unpleasant way to die.* His handsome face clouded her vision, those beautiful Prussian blue eyes of his burning her skin with their gaze, the unruly hair falling into his face stubbornly made her fingers itch with the desire to run themselves through the spiky strands, and the lips, perpetually glued together in a straight, grim line, created a sudden desire in her to be the cause of a rare smile. He was a dark angel . . . her angel of death, and she was all too happy to die by his hand.

However, Heero had not come to claim Relena's life but to become part of it, so it was a great surprise to her when he wordlessly grasped her wrist in a vise-like grip which bordered on pain. Relena gasped his name again, in total confusion now as he pulled her along beside him.

They walked like that, side by side, silent, Relena's wrist in his grasp, both engulfed in their own musings. Relena, bewildered, looked at the man beside her out of the corner of her eye, admiring the broad shoulders and muscled arms clothed by a simple white button-down dress shirt. Her thoughts were of the normal variety, question after question presenting themselves in regards to her new situation. If not to kill her, why was he here? Why was he walking with her? Why, why, why . . .

Heero, in a conscious effort to allay the inevitable barrage of questions she was liable to throw his way in any moment, did what his heart begged him to do. Slowly, so as not to alarm her, he loosened his hold on the delicate wrist only to slide his fingers caressingly down into her palm, threading his fingers through hers. The touch at once innocent and sensual, Heero felt rather than saw Relena's blush as her head bowed slightly, her long hair caressing the skin of his arm as it floated in the wind.

~When your soul is tired and your heart is weak
Do you think of love as a one way street~

*Flashback Relena*

Relena surrendered herself to the tears that had begun to flow with the discovery of Heero's departure. She sat alone upon her large bed, trying to find some sense in the hectic web of memories that was her life. She didn't want to be alone anymore, and yet all she wanted was Heero whom obviously wanted nothing to do with her.

Standing, she padded softly to her window and watched as the rain came down in torrents outside. Pressing her forehead against the cool glass and closing her eyes, she fancied that she could imagine what it would feel like to have Heero holding her, his strong arms giving her the security she needed to go on. She felt so tired and so very lost without him to give her some little sign of support, and she knew that these little daydreams, these little trips away from reality were the only way she would ever feel such sensations.

He didn't love her. He never had. And she had been living with that fact burning continuously in her heart for the past three years.

*End Flashback*

~Well it runs both ways, open up your eyes
Can't you see me here, how can you deny~

*Flashback: Heero*

Heero watched the rain pound the soaked earth, the flashes of lightning reflected in his deceptively dead eyes. He turned away from the window with a sigh only to be confronted with his own reflection. Staring at the mirror, he frowned slightly as his own image became superimposed with the vision of the girl he had left behind once more . . . . . Relena.

Her name was a mantra chanted throughout his being, but he had to leave before his emotions became too strong to ignore any longer. She was his one weakness, the one person he truly cared for beyond life itself, and it most definitely wasn't because she was the embodiment of peace.
He had been in love with her for quite sometime now, and wouldn't you just know that he was the last to even realize it; but Duo and the others had known long ago, and now he was left to try and come to terms with this emotion he wished to keep a secret just a little while longer.

Logically, he knew he was hurting her with his aloofness, his apparent disregard for her obvious feelings toward him, but he had been alone for so long that suddenly having friends was alien and somewhat alarming to him. Add to this the unexpected descent into love, and you have a very unnerved Heero Yuy.

Then there was the issue of fear. He was afraid of losing her. More than that, he was afraid of losing her to his past. He didn't want to bring about her downfall, but danger seemed to follow him around like a plague. He was afraid that one day . . . if he gave into temptation and finally allowed her in . . . she would become a target even moreso than she was now.

And so he remained apart from her, denying himself the simple pleasure of watching her, protecting her . . . *One day* he promised himself *one day.*

*End Flashback*

~It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And the silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me~

The rumbling of a coming storm disturbed their silence momentarily, and Relena found herself staring at their entwined hands, wondering what was going through his mind at that moment. The tears that she had been ready to shed what seemed an eternity ago were now a distant memory in the face of this new development, and she shivered as a shockwave of electricity raced up her arm to the rest of her body when his thumb casually stroked the back of her hand.

"We should probably leave. Sounds like rain," Relena murmured, tipping her head up to look at him, stunned to find him staring down at her, his normally grim features showing signs of softening. Her heart began to pound furiously, then nearly stopped in its frantic beating when Heero stopped their walk and leaned down to brush his lips over hers sweetly. A promise.

"We should. I'll escort you home," Heero said in his usual monotone voice, which confused the already befuddled Relena even more. They turned about, her hand still in his, and started out in the opposite direction.

"Y-- you really don't have to. I mean --"

"Don't argue with me Relena."

Normally Relena would have been ecstatic to have him with her for just a few moments longer, but he was acting so strange, kissing her one minute then behaving as if nothing had happened out of the ordinary. Her brain was running around in circles, and she hated that he had succeeded in catching her off balance. At the same time, however, her heart was a tangle of nervous certainty that tonight would see a drastic change in her life, and Heero was at the center of that change.

With a sigh, Relena squeezed his hand gently, trying to communicate that she trusted him whatever his plans for the night were . . . . She was putting herself in his hands. In response, Heero released her hand in favor of wrapping his arm around her small shoulders, clasping her to his side while she slid an arm around his waist and laid her head upon his shoulder. Relena fervently hoped that this was not one of her daydreams, and tears of happiness filled her eyes as she listened to the beating of his heart.

She never noticed the smile that touched Heero's lips.

~Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray~

How many nights had she cried herself to sleep alone in the darkness believing in her deepest heart of hearts that she would never feel a response from him? How many times had she cried out his name in the throws of some nightmare which only he could pull her from? How much heartache had she endured while trying to accept that her love would go unrequited for eternity?

Now she saw the light of her dreams piercing through the blackness of her nightmares. Now she saw what she had always denied. Now she felt what he had always been trying to give her . . . now she felt inner peace. Now she felt his love.

~It takes a lot to laugh as your tears go by
But you can find me here till your tears run dry~

The rain had just begun to come down when they reached the door to her home, and Relena, her face brighter than a 100 watt lightbulb, asked her dark, silent companion if he would like to come inside. To her surprise -- and secret pleasure -- he accepted.

Heero looked around, noting the unexpected simplicity yet tasteful style of the interior, when he realized how quiet the place was, the only sound audible being the hard rain pounding the roof and the occasional thunderclap rattling the walls.

"Where are Zechs and Noin?" he inquired softly when Relena returned from the kitchen, bringing with her two cups of coffee. She handed his to him silently, and he breathed a quiet 'thank you' as he sat next to her on a nearby couch.

"They left me to enjoy their second honeymoon," Relena giggled, relaxing in his presence as she let her eyes be drawn to the pouring rain outside visible through the large window across the room. She didn't want to send him out in that.

"Must be pretty lonely."

"Mmmm . . . It is sometimes . . . especially at night, but they deserve this. Their lives are so busy, they rarely get a private moment, and I sometimes feel selfish . . . taking up so much of my brother's time."

Heero stared at her, studying her profile intently as she spoke. He was spellbound by the easy play of emotion that crossed her face with each word, but one emotion overroad them all and spoke to him clearer than any other: loneliness. Her solitude corresponded with his own, beckoning him to relieve it, to fill that hole which was so obviously yearning for fulfillment, to finally be with her . . . just for the sake of being with her.

"I don't think he would see it as selfishness. Noin was with him most of his life, while you just discovered his existance a few years ago. I'm sure she understands you need to be near him." His hand, of its own will, levitated to her face, stroking her pale cheek, feeling the electricity fly between his skin and hers . . . His eyes never left her face, his gaze intense, expectant . . .

"He -- Heero?" Relena's startled face turned to look upon him, and his fingers became entangled in the cool silken strands of her hair as he leaned forward, his other hand setting down his cup on a convenient coffee table next to the couch on which they resided only to come up and take her cup from her, setting it down also. He held her face between his hands and stared at her for a moment, taking in the flushed cheeks, bright eyes, and parted lips. He suddenly wanted to claim those lips.

"Relena . . . ," he whispered, his head angling towards hers. When their lips met, Heero could swear he heard bells ringing, rockets buzzing, and fireworks exploding while a warm wave of . . . something undefinable washed through his body. It was a drugging sensation, and he was an addict eager for another hit. He deepened the kiss, parting her lips with tender coercion, while she moaned softly, her hands coming up to twine about his neck.

Relena could hardly believe what was happening. In all of her dreams, fantasies, and imaginings she could never have pictured herself having an experience like this with Heero. His mouth was hot and hungry on hers, his arms holding her to him tightly, her body molding to his, and she suddenly needed to take a step back. This was not the Heero she knew.

Breaking the kiss regretfully, Relena leaned back a bit against Heero's arms which had found their way about her waist. "Heero . . . what --?"

"Can't you tell?" Heero nuzzled her neck, feeling a bit of masculine pride when he felt her shudder and gasp with pleasure, her small hands threading through his hair. At her silence he brought his mouth to her ear and whispered, "Aishiteru."

~It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me~

Sobbing his name, Relena collapsed in his arms and buried her face in his chest, the raw strength surrounding her was a comfort as well as a wake-up call. Heero was a man. Of course, she had known that, seen it, accepted the process of growing up in her mind, but knowing it and FEELING it (if you get my drift) are two totally different things. She was totally aware of his masculinity in that moment and panic began to rise within her (along with most of her blood to her face).

Heero held her against him, enjoying the warmth and security he received from her presence. His thoughts, unbeknownst to her, were going along the same lines. When had she gone from girl to goddess?? Had he been so blind that he didn't see the maturity so obviously apparent in the voluptuous curves of her body? Damn, how could he have totally missed something as important as this? He certainly was enjoying the discovery though, her breasts pressed against his chest, his hands stroking down to the curves of her hip and back up the contours of her back before going too far, and her legs, exposed to his view as her skirt rode up her thighs, were long and shapely.

Trying to get her mind on the right track, she turned her face slightly so that her cheek rested on his shoulder and her line of vision fell even with the window, observing the rain and listening to the gently thrum of his heart silently.

"Heero, stay with me?" Her voice, which she had meant to carry its usual volume, came out as a hoarse whisper.

"Always," he promised, his voice low and sensual, and she knew that he meant it. Of course, that didn't stop the giggle that burst from her throat at his misunderstanding.

"Not that I don't like the idea of you always being around, but I meant tonight. It's raining so hard outside, and I feel so much better when someone's in the house with me . . . well . . . ," she trailed off, the realization hitting her that he could take the invitation in a less than innocent way. Even more blood rushed to her cheeks.

"I'll stay," Heero answered simply, and that's all there was to it. Relena realized then that everything was now out in the open, their emotions were no longer a private burden to bear but a weight they could now share and prosper under. His arms tightened around her, and he lay back against the cushions, her body nestled against his in a protective cradle of security.

In only a few moments she was asleep, the words, "I love you" whispered in that moment between wakefulness and unconsciousness. Heero smiled looking down on her sweet face, pillowed in the curve of his shoulder, feeling at peace for the first time in his life. All was right with the world finally.

"I'll stay," he whispered to her resting form, "Always." His vow reaffirmed, Heero Yuy, after much tribulation and heart ache, settled down to rest with his love. He had found his light, she had found her dream, their hearts were finally united as one.