Private Emotion by Kysra
*We see Relena in a long white sundress walking on the beach from
afar. She's holding a large brimmed white hat in a relaxed grip
as her hair and skirt fly in the strong winds, the waves nipping
at her ankles. The music begins.*
~Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray~
Relena's mind was a flurry of thoughts, mostly melancholy, as
she walked along their beach . . . the beach she had first seen
him, the beach where he had first run away from her. It had been
three years since that fateful meeting, and she still couldn't
think of this place without picturing him and her heart rate increasing
ten fold.
Her gaze tipped up to the full moon which illuminated the normally
golden sands with a blue-gray tinge, the waters which usually
shown blue in the sun now a depressing inky black color which
did little to alleviate her current depression. He was gone again.
Sighing petulantly she reprimanded herself for wishfully thinking
he would stay this time. Just because he had come to save her
didn't necessarily mean that he saw her differently than the rest
of the world. However, she had hoped and prayed, as she had held
him to her that day . . . that awful yet wonderful day a few months
past, that it would be different this time. She had wished with
all her heart that he would stay with her. Obviously, hoping had
been futile since he had left with nary a goodbye a few days after,
breaking her already shattered heart once more.
Tears, unbidden, came to her eyes, and she slowed her pace to
stare at the black ocean, the cold waters numbing her bare feet
as the surf crashed in only to be pulled out once more. Such a
deep, dark body of water . . . deep and dark, broken like her
inner self.
So deep in her thoughts was she, that Relena lost her grip on
her hat which was torn out of her hand by an unexpectedly strong
gust of wind. She gasped and turned to see the object of her thoughts
pluck it out of the turbulent air a few yards away. Heero was
here.
~And it shines on you, baby can't you see
You're the only one who can shine for me~
He stood there, staring at her dispassionately, the hat grasped
between his fingers. Relena didn't understand why he was here
but that didn't stop her from whispering his name like a prayer,
her face alight with an emotion he had seen on her face time and
time again when she looked upon him.
Heero didn't understand why he was there either, but something
had drawn him to her from the very moment of their first meeting.
The compassion and worry in her eyes had awakened to him a world
that had previously been nonexistant, a world where a pure soul
walked the path to peace.
When he had left this last time, he had been certain he would
never return again, believing that he had finally secured her
safety. As time wore on, however, he had realized that nothing
short of watching her from the shadows 24/7 would ever completely
assure him that she was okay, and almost regretfully, he had had
to look within to find the reason her well-being mattered so much
to him.
He had been startled -- and a little relieved -- to come upon
the epiphany that she was his light, the one who had lit a flame
within his own being, the one who had given a little of his soul
back to him after all the desensitizing, training, and battles
had wiped out the emotion within him. She was his everything.
And so he had come back to find her, to show her . . . to love
her.
~It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And the silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me~
Relena shook slightly at the cold pervading her limbs as she stared
at he who had consumed her thoughts, and she jumped when he began
towards her, his face intense, his step sure. Her mind turned
to jello as it occurred to her that he was probably here to finally
fulfill that promise so long ago made but fear was not her first
impulse (it never was where he was concerned), no, only a deep
sense of regret and hundreds of what-might-have-been's filled
her heart as she stood stock still in the face of his slow approach.
*All in all* she thought while studying him *it isn't an unpleasant
way to die.* His handsome face clouded her vision, those beautiful
Prussian blue eyes of his burning her skin with their gaze, the
unruly hair falling into his face stubbornly made her fingers
itch with the desire to run themselves through the spiky strands,
and the lips, perpetually glued together in a straight, grim line,
created a sudden desire in her to be the cause of a rare smile.
He was a dark angel . . . her angel of death, and she was all
too happy to die by his hand.
However, Heero had not come to claim Relena's life but to become
part of it, so it was a great surprise to her when he wordlessly
grasped her wrist in a vise-like grip which bordered on pain.
Relena gasped his name again, in total confusion now as he pulled
her along beside him.
They walked like that, side by side, silent, Relena's wrist in
his grasp, both engulfed in their own musings. Relena, bewildered,
looked at the man beside her out of the corner of her eye, admiring
the broad shoulders and muscled arms clothed by a simple white
button-down dress shirt. Her thoughts were of the normal variety,
question after question presenting themselves in regards to her
new situation. If not to kill her, why was he here? Why was he
walking with her? Why, why, why . . .
Heero, in a conscious effort to allay the inevitable barrage of
questions she was liable to throw his way in any moment, did what
his heart begged him to do. Slowly, so as not to alarm her, he
loosened his hold on the delicate wrist only to slide his fingers
caressingly down into her palm, threading his fingers through
hers. The touch at once innocent and sensual, Heero felt rather
than saw Relena's blush as her head bowed slightly, her long hair
caressing the skin of his arm as it floated in the wind.
~When your soul is tired and your heart is weak
Do you think of love as a one way street~
*Flashback Relena*
Relena surrendered herself to the tears that had begun to flow
with the discovery of Heero's departure. She sat alone upon her
large bed, trying to find some sense in the hectic web of memories
that was her life. She didn't want to be alone anymore, and yet
all she wanted was Heero whom obviously wanted nothing to do with
her.
Standing, she padded softly to her window and watched as the rain
came down in torrents outside. Pressing her forehead against the
cool glass and closing her eyes, she fancied that she could imagine
what it would feel like to have Heero holding her, his strong
arms giving her the security she needed to go on. She felt so
tired and so very lost without him to give her some little sign
of support, and she knew that these little daydreams, these little
trips away from reality were the only way she would ever feel
such sensations.
He didn't love her. He never had. And she had been living with
that fact burning continuously in her heart for the past three
years.
*End Flashback*
~Well it runs both ways, open up your eyes
Can't you see me here, how can you deny~
*Flashback: Heero*
Heero watched the rain pound the soaked earth, the flashes of
lightning reflected in his deceptively dead eyes. He turned away
from the window with a sigh only to be confronted with his own
reflection. Staring at the mirror, he frowned slightly as his
own image became superimposed with the vision of the girl he had
left behind once more . . . . . Relena.
Her name was a mantra chanted throughout his being, but he had
to leave before his emotions became too strong to ignore any longer.
She was his one weakness, the one person he truly cared for beyond
life itself, and it most definitely wasn't because she was the
embodiment of peace.
He had been in love with her for quite sometime now, and wouldn't
you just know that he was the last to even realize it; but Duo
and the others had known long ago, and now he was left to try
and come to terms with this emotion he wished to keep a secret
just a little while longer.
Logically, he knew he was hurting her with his aloofness, his
apparent disregard for her obvious feelings toward him, but he
had been alone for so long that suddenly having friends was alien
and somewhat alarming to him. Add to this the unexpected descent
into love, and you have a very unnerved Heero Yuy.
Then there was the issue of fear. He was afraid of losing her.
More than that, he was afraid of losing her to his past. He didn't
want to bring about her downfall, but danger seemed to follow
him around like a plague. He was afraid that one day . . . if
he gave into temptation and finally allowed her in . . . she would
become a target even moreso than she was now.
And so he remained apart from her, denying himself the simple
pleasure of watching her, protecting her . . . *One day* he promised
himself *one day.*
*End Flashback*
~It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And the silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me~
The rumbling of a coming storm disturbed their silence momentarily,
and Relena found herself staring at their entwined hands, wondering
what was going through his mind at that moment. The tears that
she had been ready to shed what seemed an eternity ago were now
a distant memory in the face of this new development, and she
shivered as a shockwave of electricity raced up her arm to the
rest of her body when his thumb casually stroked the back of her
hand.
"We should probably leave. Sounds like rain," Relena
murmured, tipping her head up to look at him, stunned to find
him staring down at her, his normally grim features showing signs
of softening. Her heart began to pound furiously, then nearly
stopped in its frantic beating when Heero stopped their walk and
leaned down to brush his lips over hers sweetly. A promise.
"We should. I'll escort you home," Heero said in his
usual monotone voice, which confused the already befuddled Relena
even more. They turned about, her hand still in his, and started
out in the opposite direction.
"Y-- you really don't have to. I mean --"
"Don't argue with me Relena."
Normally Relena would have been ecstatic to have him with her
for just a few moments longer, but he was acting so strange, kissing
her one minute then behaving as if nothing had happened out of
the ordinary. Her brain was running around in circles, and she
hated that he had succeeded in catching her off balance. At the
same time, however, her heart was a tangle of nervous certainty
that tonight would see a drastic change in her life, and Heero
was at the center of that change.
With a sigh, Relena squeezed his hand gently, trying to communicate
that she trusted him whatever his plans for the night were . .
. . She was putting herself in his hands. In response, Heero released
her hand in favor of wrapping his arm around her small shoulders,
clasping her to his side while she slid an arm around his waist
and laid her head upon his shoulder. Relena fervently hoped that
this was not one of her daydreams, and tears of happiness filled
her eyes as she listened to the beating of his heart.
She never noticed the smile that touched Heero's lips.
~Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray~
How many nights had she cried herself to sleep alone in the darkness
believing in her deepest heart of hearts that she would never
feel a response from him? How many times had she cried out his
name in the throws of some nightmare which only he could pull
her from? How much heartache had she endured while trying to accept
that her love would go unrequited for eternity?
Now she saw the light of her dreams piercing through the blackness
of her nightmares. Now she saw what she had always denied. Now
she felt what he had always been trying to give her . . . now
she felt inner peace. Now she felt his love.
~It takes a lot to laugh as your tears go by
But you can find me here till your tears run dry~
The rain had just begun to come down when they reached the door
to her home, and Relena, her face brighter than a 100 watt lightbulb,
asked her dark, silent companion if he would like to come inside.
To her surprise -- and secret pleasure -- he accepted.
Heero looked around, noting the unexpected simplicity yet tasteful
style of the interior, when he realized how quiet the place was,
the only sound audible being the hard rain pounding the roof and
the occasional thunderclap rattling the walls.
"Where are Zechs and Noin?" he inquired softly when
Relena returned from the kitchen, bringing with her two cups of
coffee. She handed his to him silently, and he breathed a quiet
'thank you' as he sat next to her on a nearby couch.
"They left me to enjoy their second honeymoon," Relena
giggled, relaxing in his presence as she let her eyes be drawn
to the pouring rain outside visible through the large window across
the room. She didn't want to send him out in that.
"Must be pretty lonely."
"Mmmm . . . It is sometimes . . . especially at night, but
they deserve this. Their lives are so busy, they rarely get a
private moment, and I sometimes feel selfish . . . taking up so
much of my brother's time."
Heero stared at her, studying her profile intently as she spoke.
He was spellbound by the easy play of emotion that crossed her
face with each word, but one emotion overroad them all and spoke
to him clearer than any other: loneliness. Her solitude corresponded
with his own, beckoning him to relieve it, to fill that hole which
was so obviously yearning for fulfillment, to finally be with
her . . . just for the sake of being with her.
"I don't think he would see it as selfishness. Noin was with
him most of his life, while you just discovered his existance
a few years ago. I'm sure she understands you need to be near
him." His hand, of its own will, levitated to her face, stroking
her pale cheek, feeling the electricity fly between his skin and
hers . . . His eyes never left her face, his gaze intense, expectant
. . .
"He -- Heero?" Relena's startled face turned to look
upon him, and his fingers became entangled in the cool silken
strands of her hair as he leaned forward, his other hand setting
down his cup on a convenient coffee table next to the couch on
which they resided only to come up and take her cup from her,
setting it down also. He held her face between his hands and stared
at her for a moment, taking in the flushed cheeks, bright eyes,
and parted lips. He suddenly wanted to claim those lips.
"Relena . . . ," he whispered, his head angling towards
hers. When their lips met, Heero could swear he heard bells ringing,
rockets buzzing, and fireworks exploding while a warm wave of
. . . something undefinable washed through his body. It was a
drugging sensation, and he was an addict eager for another hit.
He deepened the kiss, parting her lips with tender coercion, while
she moaned softly, her hands coming up to twine about his neck.
Relena could hardly believe what was happening. In all of her
dreams, fantasies, and imaginings she could never have pictured
herself having an experience like this with Heero. His mouth was
hot and hungry on hers, his arms holding her to him tightly, her
body molding to his, and she suddenly needed to take a step back.
This was not the Heero she knew.
Breaking the kiss regretfully, Relena leaned back a bit against
Heero's arms which had found their way about her waist. "Heero
. . . what --?"
"Can't you tell?" Heero nuzzled her neck, feeling a
bit of masculine pride when he felt her shudder and gasp with
pleasure, her small hands threading through his hair. At her silence
he brought his mouth to her ear and whispered, "Aishiteru."
~It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me~
Sobbing his name, Relena collapsed in his arms and buried her
face in his chest, the raw strength surrounding her was a comfort
as well as a wake-up call. Heero was a man. Of course, she had
known that, seen it, accepted the process of growing up in her
mind, but knowing it and FEELING it (if you get my drift) are
two totally different things. She was totally aware of his masculinity
in that moment and panic began to rise within her (along with
most of her blood to her face).
Heero held her against him, enjoying the warmth and security he
received from her presence. His thoughts, unbeknownst to her,
were going along the same lines. When had she gone from girl to
goddess?? Had he been so blind that he didn't see the maturity
so obviously apparent in the voluptuous curves of her body? Damn,
how could he have totally missed something as important as this?
He certainly was enjoying the discovery though, her breasts pressed
against his chest, his hands stroking down to the curves of her
hip and back up the contours of her back before going too far,
and her legs, exposed to his view as her skirt rode up her thighs,
were long and shapely.
Trying to get her mind on the right track, she turned her face
slightly so that her cheek rested on his shoulder and her line
of vision fell even with the window, observing the rain and listening
to the gently thrum of his heart silently.
"Heero, stay with me?" Her voice, which she had meant
to carry its usual volume, came out as a hoarse whisper.
"Always," he promised, his voice low and sensual, and
she knew that he meant it. Of course, that didn't stop the giggle
that burst from her throat at his misunderstanding.
"Not that I don't like the idea of you always being around,
but I meant tonight. It's raining so hard outside, and I feel
so much better when someone's in the house with me . . . well
. . . ," she trailed off, the realization hitting her that
he could take the invitation in a less than innocent way. Even
more blood rushed to her cheeks.
"I'll stay," Heero answered simply, and that's all there
was to it. Relena realized then that everything was now out in
the open, their emotions were no longer a private burden to bear
but a weight they could now share and prosper under. His arms
tightened around her, and he lay back against the cushions, her
body nestled against his in a protective cradle of security.
In only a few moments she was asleep, the words, "I love
you" whispered in that moment between wakefulness and unconsciousness.
Heero smiled looking down on her sweet face, pillowed in the curve
of his shoulder, feeling at peace for the first time in his life.
All was right with the world finally.
"I'll stay," he whispered to her resting form, "Always."
His vow reaffirmed, Heero Yuy, after much tribulation and heart
ache, settled down to rest with his love. He had found his light,
she had found her dream, their hearts were finally united as one.