Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. At this point, I'm not entirely sure who does. I could look it up I suppose, but it's almost three in the morning and I can't be arsed to do it at this point. Just know that I take no credit for the characters in this story.

Author's Notes: The song belongs to Melodie Crittenden. Not that this is a song fic, just a story that was inspired by the song, formed in my brain and wouldn't go away until it had worked its will.

Dedication: To Liz-chan and Ogre-san for getting me hooked on Gundam Wing. I suppose it's payback for Rurouni Kenshin....

********

Broken Road
by Kristen Elizabeth

********

Earth
After Colony 201

She sat in front of her dressing table's mirror, a silver comb in her hand. But she had no will to run it through her wet, tangled hair. And even if she had possessed the will, she lacked the energy it would take. So the comb sat, cold and heavy in her hand, poised but unmoving as she stared at her reflection in the glass.

Blue eyes looked back at her, glazed and vacant. Her skin was deathly pale; one could almost see the blue veins running just under the translucent surface. Not that anyone but her was looking, she told herself. The shower she had just taken had turned her normally dark blonde hair brown; it hung down to her back in an unrecognizable heap. Rivulets of water flowed from the ends only to be quickly absorbed by the thick, terrycloth towel around her middle.

Beneath the towel, she knew, was a decent body, perhaps a bit small. Too many years of too much worry and work had left her bordering on skinny; if she put a hand to her side, she knew she would be able to clearly feel her ribs. Her breasts were nothing to photograph although pert and rosy. The corner of her lips turned up wryly. Unappreciated. They were unappreciated...her entire body was unappreciated.

The look that could have almost passed for a smile fell quickly. What did she have to smile about? Smiles were reserved for times of prosperity and peace. Her world was neither prosperous nor peaceful. Everyone knew that, but as a monarch and politician, she felt it more than anyone else could.

But for once, the flighty peace that she tried so hard to grasp onto was secondary in her thoughts. Today was not the day for it.

He deserved her attention today, entirely and unwavering. And he would get it.

*********

An hour later, Relena Peacecraft, former Queen of the World, current Vice Minister of Foriegn Affairs, stepped out of her room and into the main hallway of her family's manor. She wanted to slam the door shut, to hear the satsifying crack of wood against wood, splintering and breaking. Instead, she gently closed it behind her. She sighed in self-disgust; she couldn't even bring herself to commit an act of violence that insignificant.

"Relena."

Her head turned although she recognized the voice immediately. The petite figure of Quatre Raberba Winner approached her, presumably from his own room down the hall. She had invited the former Gundam pilots and their respective partners to stay in the manor during this time. All but two... Only Quatre and Trowa Barton had accepted, however.

The blond haired man stopped a few feet away from her. "Were you planning to leave this early?", he asked quietly.

She shook her head. "No. I just woke up and couldn't fall back asleep."

Quatre nodded. "The same thing happened to me. I figured I might as well get a start on the day." He looked down
at the floor. "Some things are just better to get over with as quickly as possible."

"And some aren't", Relena heard herself reply. Blinking, she snapped herself out of the melancholy moment. "Is
Trowa still asleep?"

The faint pink of a blush colored Quatre's cheeks. "Like a baby. I envy him."

Relena swallowed. "Well, it's been a hard couple of days. For everyone."

"I have a feeling that it's going to get harder before it gets easier."

"What do you mean?" He hesitated at her words. "Quatre...whatever it is, I can handle it."

Still hesitating, he reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "I recieved this the day after..." He swallowed. "The day after we found out. Trowa got one too." Relena's hand shook as she reached for the paper. "I don't want you to overreact, Relena. It might mean nothing."

"But you don't really think that, do you? Or you would have told me right away." She looked at the paper, took a deep breath and unfolded it. After a long moment, she looked back up. Hot tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. "Who sent this?", she whispered.

Quatre gently took the paper from her trembling hands. "Obviously the same people who...you know. But if Trowa and I each got one, then it stands to reason the others did too. And you know that at least one of us will find out exactly who's behind it. And probably make them wish they hadn't." He slipped it back into his pocket.

"How could they...." Her head swayed from side to side, unbelievingly. "What possible satisfaction could they get from sending...that to you?"

"Don't ask, Relena." His hand found hers and squeezed lightly. "You wouldn't be able to bear knowing the answer."

He was right. With a deep sigh, she closed her eyes. "I keep telling myself that this is all a dream."

"And if you just pinch yourself, you'll wake up?" Quatre smiled ruefully. "Trowa said the same thing."

"He can't really be dead", Relena's eyes opened. "Can he?"

"Duo lived his life in the fast lane, Relena. Can you imagine him dying any other way?"

She was quiet for a minute. "No. I can't." She stopped herself before she could go on. Quatre didn't need to feel the weight of her guilt. She was sure he had enough of his own to bear. It was visible in his eyes.

"I know that Wufei is coming, somewhat reluctantly according to Sally." Her mood lifted momentarily at the thought of the couple. It didn't last. "But Quatre, do you think that...."

He stopped her before she could finish her question. He didn't need to hear the rest of it; he had known what she was going to ask before she even opened her mouth. "I don't know. I want to think he'll be there. But I just don't know. It's not like we've kept in touch."

"I wanted him to go with Duo...to L5. I didn't want Duo to go alone..." She looked up at the molded ceiling, blinking back new tears. "But I didn't know where he was. I *don't* know where he is. Duo said he would be fine by himself... I agreed, Quatre. I agreed! And now...he's...he's...." Her head dropped into her hands.

Quatre watched her fight a losing battle with her grief and guilt. He stepped forward and wrapped her up in his arms. She leaned into his chest, but didn't return the embrace. She wasn't crying; her shoulders and her breath remained steady and even. Still, Quatre held on. After several minutes of silent soothing, he pulled back.

"Thank you", she whispered. "I needed that."

He accepted her thanks with a nod of his blond head. A single, sad thought came to him. *It wasn't me you needed that from.*

Relena seemed oblivious to the troubled expression on his face as she pulled a handkerchief from her suit pocket. The white square of linen and lace stood out prominently against the black silk of the formal skirt and jacket she wore. Delicately, she dabbed at her eyes. "Are you hungry?", she asked him. "I'm sure breakfast is almost ready."

He swallowed before nodding. "Let me just go get Trowa. We'll be downstairs in a little while." She indicated her agreement and continued on her way down the hall.

Quatre watched her until she turned the corner and disappeared from his sight. A strange weight had settled onto his heart, pressing it painfully. He recognized the ache; his heart hurt for his friend. She was so very alone.

He let himself into the room he was sharing with Trowa carefully in case his lover was still asleep. Fortunately, Trowa was awake. He sat on the edge of the bed, his chin propped up in his hands. The long bangs of his dark hair fell over his forehead. As Quatre shut the door behind him, he looked up. His eyes, Quatre noted, were bloodshot.

"Where did you go?", Trowa asked with no trace of annoyance in his voice.

Quatre sat next to him. "Just walking. I couldn't sleep." He paused. "I saw Relena in the hallway."

There was a brief flicker of sympathy across Trowa's stoic face. "Still blaming herself?"

"She's hell-bent on it. I think she thinks the uprising on L5 is entirely her fault. She thinks..." Quatre hesitated once more. "She thinks that if Heero had been with Duo, he wouldn't have died."

"Maybe he wouldn't have."

"Trowa."

The taller man held up one hand. "Duo never should have gone by himself. He should have made one of us come with him."

Quatre sighed. "Even if one of us could have gotten ahold of an old mobile suit in time, who's to say we wouldn't have been shot down, too? No one, not Duo and especially not Relena, could have known just how unstable L5 was." He rested his chin on Trowa's bare shoulder. "Is."

"Did you show her the...?" He felt Quatre nod. "I'm not sure she should have had to see that."

Quatre sat up straight. "She's not a child, Trowa. None of us are anymore. And it's possible, that out of all of us, Relena's seen the most death. She takes all the guilt for it onto herself, at least. I couldn't keep it from her."

Trowa nodded his agreement. With a small sigh, he stood. "What time is the funeral again?"

"Ten", Quatre replied, looking down at his hands. "Ten..."

If Trowa heard him, he didn't acknowledge it as he made his way to the bathroom, leaving Quatre alone on the bed.

*********

Breakfast had dragged on and on. Relena wanted to scream as she waited for the servant to clear away her plate. Her still-full plate, Quatre noticed. Was it just her grief or was his friend not eating? Finally though, the meal ended, not a moment too soon for Relena. She made a motion to leave, but from the head of the table, her brother cleared his throat.

"Relena?" Milliardo Peacecraft set his fork down and looked at his younger sister. "Where are you going?"

She bit the inside of her cheek. "I need some...fresh air."

"We're all riding to the cemetery together, you know", he replied. "Perhaps it would be best if no one wandered off."

His wife came to Relena's rescue. From the other end of the table, Lucrezia Noin spoke up. "Would you like me to go with you, Relena?"

Sighing, Relena gave in. There was no way Milliardo would let her outside without protection, not in the middle of a colony uprising. The two women stood and excused themselves from the table, exiting the manor through a large set of French doors.

Once in the garden, Relena let out a pent up sigh. She sank down onto a stone bench, staring at the reflection pond. Noin said nothing. Just let her be.

********

The drive to the cemetery was silent. Wedged in the limousine between Quatre and Trowa, Relena felt a strange sort of security. But still, she couldn't let her mind relax. Was this what pacifism brought? A trip to a friend's funeral?

The limo stopped at its destination, depositing its passengers in front of the iron gates that led into the cemetery. People were already there. Reporters, TV crews. Relena bit back the desire to snap at them, especially when they saw her and came running.

*How do you feel about Mr. Maxwell's death, Miss Relena?*

*Do you think the death of a former Gundam pilot will increase the possibility of another full-fledged war?*

*Vice Minister...do you blame yourself for Duo Maxwell's death?*

Milliardo put his arm around his sister and guided her into the cemetery. The iron gates swung closed, leaving the reporters behind. "Don't worry, Relena. They won't be coming in during the service."

For once, she was grateful for the overprotectivness of her older brother. She let him lead her down the grassy hill to the spot chosen for Duo's burial. "It's lovely here", she said out loud. The first words she had spoken since breakfast.

Milliardo nodded. "It's not a burial pod in space, but I think Duo would have liked it."

Behind the siblings, a slight scowl appeared on Trowa's lips. "How would you have known what Duo would have liked?", he muttered. Quatre's hand settled on his wrist, quieting him.

At the gravesite, Relena could see the familiar figure of Chang Wufei. He looked exactly as he had when she had last seen him three years earlier. His black hair was pulled into his customary tight ponytail; his arms folded across the front of his Preventers uniform. At his side was Sally Po. A very pregnant Sally Po. If she could have, Relena would have smiled.

She wanted to talk to them, but just then the hearse appeared at the iron gates. Catching Sally's eye and nodding in greeting, Relena moved to the seats that had been reserved for them. She took a chair between Noin and Quatre.

As soon as she sat down, she felt him.

The tiny hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Twisting her body, she scanned the half-filled rows of chairs behind them. It would be nearly impossible for him to hide from her in such a sparse crowd. If he was there, she would find him. Her gaze fell on many familiar faces including, to her slight surprise, Lady Une. But after minutes of careful searching, she failed to spot *his* familiar face. *Heero*, her mind cried out to him as though he could hear her. *Why are you trying to hide from me? Why are you making me go through this all alone?*

Quatre glanced over at her. "Relena? What's wrong?"

She twisted back around. "Nothing. I just thought I..." She stopped. "Nothing."

"I feel him too", Quatre said quietly. "If he wants to be seen, he'll show himself. If not....well, there's no point in even looking."

Trowa approached their chairs. "I just spoke to the minister. He's asked us to help carry the casket, Quatre."

The blond man nodded and stood. "Let's get Wufei." Before he left, he gave Relena's shoulder a comforting squeeze. "Don't think about him, Relena."

She closed her eyes when they were gone. He might as well have asked her to stop breathing.

********

He watched her. It was all he could do. She sat in the front row next to her sister-in-law, an empty chair on her other side. For a split second, he regretted coming at all. Funerals were a time for emotion. And emotions were not his specialty. But something had compelled him to come and something compelled him to stay. He had the sinking suspicion the something was the girl in the front row.

The casket was being carried down to the open grave. Three men he knew well carried it, aided by three men he didn't recognize. Perhaps Duo's friends from his colony. Or members of Hilde's family...did she have any? He wasn't sure. Hilde. She walked behind the casket with uncharacteristic sorrow. It looked as though her knees might give out at any moment.

A tiny part of him that he almost refused to acknowledge wanted to be down there, helping to carry his old friend to his final resting place. A tiny part of him also thought that maybe it should be him being carried to his final resting place.

********

The ceremony was as nice as anything of the sort could be. The minister read the required passages from the Christian Bible. Quatre delivered the eulogy at Hilde's request. He spoke of lost peace, lost friends...yet, in true Quatre style, the speech was like a beam of hope. Relena wanted to believe in his words, to buy into that hope. But she was 21 years old and had spent the past six years of her life struggling for peace, attaining it for one sweet moment only to watch it be ripped away again. Was there any hope left in her?

After Quatre returned to his place next to her, the minister spoke a little bit longer, praising Duo Maxwell. Such a strong man. Dedicated. Loyal. Faithful.

The man hiding in the shadows gave a soft snort. All those things had been true of Duo, of course. But there was something missing...from the entire ceremony, as a matter of fact. It was so stiff and formal. Duo would have hated that. Someone needed to jump up to the podium and speak of the real Duo Maxwell. The braided jokester, the American baka. The skilled fighter, the pilot of Deathscythe. His best friend, unquestionably.

No one did. Were they too steeped in grief to let the good memories come out? Or did they honestly believe they were doing their fallen friend justice with this painfully melancholy funeral? Whatever it was, he hated it.

But somehow he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it.

********

When it was all over, Relena watched as the people around her all stood to leave. She wanted to yell at them to sit down, stay awhile....remember Duo Maxwell together, in a better way than this. They couldn't just leave him to be laid into the ground alone. She remained seated and silent.

Hilde went to the casket that held her husband's body. She ran a hand over the mahoghany surface reverantly. After a long moment, she turned and began to make her way up the hill. Her gaze caught Relena's briefly. A million words were exchanged in the look though neither woman said a word. A whisper of a smile played on Hilde's lips and Relena returned it. Duo's widow broke the look and continued on her way, leaving Relena to stare at the casket once more.

She felt a hand on her shoulder. Quatre. "Are you coming?", he asked.

"I want to stay for awhile." She looked up into her friend's sea-colored eyes. "Please...tell Milliardo to let me. I need to talk to him."

Quatre smiled sadly. "Which 'him'?"

Relena blinked rapidly. "Please?"

"All right." Quatre gave in. "Be careful, Relena. And I'm not just talking about security here."

She nodded. "Thank you."

When she was sure he was gone, she slowly stood. Everyone was at the top of the hill, offering words of condolance to Hilde, exchanging pleasantries, perhaps even catching up with old friends. She knew she should be up there, but this was far more important than any duty her position carried. Taking a deep breath, she approached the casket.

She was quiet for a minute. "Duo", she finally said. "Oh...Duo. You American baka." The first real smile in a very long time spread across her face. She could almost see him if she closed her eyes. Long braid tossed over one shoulder of his black clerical shirt, black cap in place on his head, winking one violet eye at her. The smile lost some of its momentum. "Why did you have to leave us? Why did I let you leave us?"

"You know what he would say to that." The voice that spoke to her was completely unmistakable. Her mind knew it should be suprised to hear him, shocked that he would approach her after all this time. But her heart had known all along that one day he would. Of course, she had never thought it would be here. Not like this...

"What would he say to that?", she replied. The words caught in her throat.

He stopped at her side, but neither one looked at the other. "He'd tell you to give yourself a break. Guilt bites and doesn't do a damn thing. Blame yourself until the day you die, he'll still be just as dead."

Relena's eyes dropped to the grass below their feet. "And what about you? Is any of that anything you would say?"

She thought she felt him shrug in indifference. "Doesn't matter what I would say. I'm not the one in the casket."

"I see." Her head lifted, eyes settled on a spot in the distance, past Duo's casket. "Tell me something Heero...are you even upset? Does it even bother you that we're here? That he's dead?"

His head turned; sky colored eyes bored into her cheek. She refused to turn her head to acknowledge the stare. "What do you think?", he asked as infuriatingly apathetic as always.

It was her turn to shrug. "Doesn't matter what I think. I'm not the one in the casket." Stepping forward, Relena bent at the waist and dropped a soft kiss onto the glossy wood. "Goodbye, Duo", she whispered. She straightened up and turned around. Still, her eyes failed to meet his. "Goodbye, Heero."

He didn't blink for a full a minute after she left his side. She was completely in his head, from her perfume to her words. The woman he had just talked to wasn't the woman he remembered from four years ago. The time had changed her. Not just physically, but emotionally. Maybe in her heart she was still the same Relena. But there was a harder quality to her now. It was as though the death of Duo had killed a little part of her.

More than anything in the world, he wanted to bring it back to life.

He looked at the casket. "What would you do, old friend?" A breeze ruffled the dark bangs of hair on his forehead. "That's what I thought." Touching his hand to the spot where Relena's lips had been, he bowed slightly. "Sayonara, Duo. Sosite...arigatou gozaimasita."

Heero Yuy was a man on a mission.

********

Upon returning to the manor, Relena headed straight to her room, locking the door behind her. She could hear Quatre in the hall calmly calling her name, but she ignored him. She would apologize to him later. Right then, she didn't want to talk to anyone. After a few minutes, Quatre stopped. She listened to his footsteps as he walked away.

There were so many objects in the room that she wanted to throw. Anger, guilt, resentment....they were all boiling up inside of her, ready to explode. A lifetime of repressed emotion. All she did, however, was kick her shoes off and throw herself onto her bed. Hugging her pillow under her head, she lay still for a long time. On her nightstand, directly in the path of her blank stare, sat a small, slightly worn teddy bear. A gift from what seemed like a lifetime ago. His gift to her.

She closed her eyes as a single tear escaped her eye and ran down her nose, dropping onto the pillow a second later. There were so many more where that came from. If only she could make them all come out at once, maybe some of the turmoil inside would settle down. She needed to cry for Duo. She couldn't.

Sleep descended upon her without warning. It was no surprise, however; she had barely closed her eyes since recieving the horrible news that the mobile suit Duo had used to fly to L5 had been shot down by the revolutionaries. The last image that flashed through her brain before the sweet oblivion of sleep took over was of Duo climbing into the mobile suit on that day.

*It's not my Deathscythe, but it still feels damn good to be back in one of these.*

His laughter would haunt her dreams.

*********

She was asleep when he slipped into her room from her wide balcony. He had no problem getting in; the French doors were unlocked. Was she so selfless that she couldn't even lock the doors that seperated her from the dangers of the outside world? It angered him that she could care so little about her life. Didn't she know that she was the key to lasting peace? If anything ever happened to her...

He shook his head violently. Nothing was going to happen to her. Not so long as he was alive.

Heero approached her bed. She lay on her stomach, head tilted to the left, clutching onto her pillow with one hand. Her breath was even and deep; her face would have been tranquil if not for the tearstain running down one cheek and the twitch in her eyebrow every few seconds. She was dreaming. They couldn't be pleasant dreams.

Her hair had grown since he last seen her. It spread across the black of her formal dress suit like long tongues of spun gold, reaching down to the small of her back. Black was slimming, but it wasn't the color that made her body look so fragile. He suspected she wasn't taking as good care of herself as she should be. It made him angry.

Everything about her was perfection personified. Maybe that was why he had left. She frightened him. That made him angry, too.

Relena's dark eyelashes fluttered. He held his breath. He wasn't sure if he wanted to wake her. For the first time in his life, he had no plan. Nothing about this situation was familiar to him; he had no idea how to proceed.

And that made him more angry than anything.

"Heero...", she murmured. He felt the blood drain from his face. Was the bad dream she was having about him? "Heero...why are you here?"

His tongue was frozen. Fighting to regain his composure, he sat on the edge of the bed. "To talk to you."

Relena's eyes slowly opened revealing the crystal blue that he had missed and never realized before that moment. "How did you...?"

"Balcony."

She closed her eyes again; he thought he could see her smile. "I have a door, you know."

"I have no intention of dying at the hands of your brother."

This time he was sure she smiled. "If you didn't come in..." She became aware of the darkness all around them. "...the middle of the night that wouldn't be a problem. Normal people visit during the day, Heero." He was quiet. "Of course, the last thing I would ever call you is 'normal'."

Heero stood up. "I'll go then."

He heard her sigh behind him. "That's right." Sheets rustled. "Leave. It's what you do best, after all. Who'll have to die before I'll see you again? Trowa? Quatre?" Her voice was brittle. "Or maybe you'll be the one in the casket the next time I see you."

"Maybe." The indifference returned. "Goodbye, Relena."

Something soft smacked into the back of his head. There was tremendous force behind the blow, however. He spun around and looked down onto the floor. An all too familiar teddy bear lay at his feet, its furry arms reaching up to him. His gaze rose to the bed. Relena sat on her hands and knees, chest heaving with emotion and spent energy. Her eyes flashed.

"You hit me", was all he could think to say as he reached his hand around to rub his head.

"You're damn right I hit you", she hissed. "Do you think you get to just walk right out of here like that?"

He blinked. "Are you telling me you want me to stay?"

Relena stared at him for a second. "What? No! Yes...I don't know!" She took a deep breath. "I'm saying you don't get to sneak into my room in the middle of the night, wake me up, say three words and then leave again!"

"You woke yourself up", he said in his defense. "I just..."

"Oh Heero...shut up!" She climbed off the bed to stand in front of him. "You said you came here to talk to me? Well, there are a few things I have been *dying* to say to you, too."

He had never seen her in such a state. He relaxed his face into its usual state of cool detachment. "All right." A
gleam ran across his eye. "Shoot."

Relena's body was taut. Every muscle contracted, every nerve raw. She couldn't hold it in any longer. With a cry, she stumbled forward, her fists raised. Unable to think, she simply hit. Everywhere, anywhere...it didn't matter. She pounded Heero with as much force as possible. "It should have been you!! You should have been with him!! He shouldn't have died....and you! You *want* to die!! Why?!!!!" Great sobs shook her body as she failed against him. "Why is he dead and you're right here?? Why!!??"

Heero didn't move as her fists contacted with his body. The blows were nothing; he would carry no bruises in the morning. It was only the girl's anguish that affected him. He let her hit him until she was completely spent. Sobbing, she began to slide to the floor. He caught her and held her up in a tight embrace. It was the only thing he could think to do.

"I wish it had been me", he said huskily. "I really do."

He felt her shake her head back and forth against his chest. "I couldn't find you...you left and I couldn't find you. You left. You always leave!!" She pulled back and looked up at him with watery blue eyes. "Why do you always leave me?"

Drowning in those eyes. He was drowning... The next thing he knew, his mouth was pressed to hers. Warm and wet, his tongue danced across her lips, coaxing them apart. Her mouth was like ambrosia; kissing her made a dam inside burst. He held her face between his hands, loving her lips, wanting so much more.

The moment he kissed her, Relena ceased to have a single thought in her head. She could only feel the welcome roughness of his slightly chapped lips, the heat of his tongue as it touched hers, the sensation of his hands on either side of her head. A strange moan came from the back of her throat. It wasn't enough, the kiss. She needed more.

Upon hearing that moan, Heero snapped back to attention. What was he doing? He was completely out of control. The needy noise she was making would be his undoing...if he let it be. With a voiceless growl, he broke the kiss, holding her at arms length. "We're not doing this."

Her eyes flew open. The pain of rejection was visible in them instantaneously. "Heero...?"

"You deserve better than this." His jaw set. "You deserve better than me."

Relena swallowed the lump in her throat. "Don't I get to decide that?" He didn't reply. Her small hands grasped his forearms, bringing them down to his sides. She stepped forward. "I want you, Heero. I *need* you." One innocent hand brushed against the fly of his jeans. "I think you feel the same."

Heero looked up at the ceiling. "Don't do that, Relena."

"Why not?" Her hand became more bold. "What are you afraid will happen? That you might lose control...and like it?"

His hands caught her arms, fingers dug into her skin. Ducking his head, he pressed a painful kiss to her mouth. She cried out as his tooth tore her lip. "Is this what you want, Relena?" He began to walk towards the bed, forcing her body along with him. He grabbed ahold of her suit jacket, tearing it from her shoulders. The black silk blouse beneath it was so fragile.

"Heero..." Her voice trembled. "Heero...no..."

They reached the edge of the bed and had nowhere else to go...but down. Pushing her onto her back, Heero set a knee on either side of her body. "Is this how you always imagined your first time? Thoughtless, careless?" His hand grasped her breast, roughly kneading it. "Huh? Is this what you want?"

"Heero!!", she cried. Her hand lifted; her fingers touched his cheek. "Don't...don't..."

The Perfect Soldier blinked. He looked down at her face. Blood flowed from the corner of her mouth. He had hurt her. He was hurting her. Regret washed over him in a great tidal wave. "Relena...", he whispered. The full realization of what he had been about to do hit him. His head dropped to her shoulder. "Gomen nasai....gomen nasai..." Tears he thought he didn't possess wet her blouse.

Relena looked at the canopy over her bed, fighting back her own tears. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, holding onto him for dear life. "It's okay, Heero. It's okay."

They remained like that for a long time. Finally, Heero found the strength to lift himself off of her. "I hurt you", he said.

She wiped the moisture under his eyes away with her thumb. "You hurt me more when you left."

"I did it for you. So you could get on with your life."

"And you can see how well I've done without you. I don't eat, I can't sleep. I send my friends off to die..."

"It wasn't your fault. I should have told you back at the cemetery." He shook his head; the very ends of his bangs brushed her nose. "You did what you thought had to be done. You've always done what you thought you had to...for peace. Duo knew that....I'm sure that's why he agreed to go." He smiled sadly. "Plus he just really liked to fight."

Relena laughed for the first time in years. The sound was music to Heero's ears. "Yes, he did", she agreed. The laughter died. "I told him not to fight though. He was only supposed to be there as a precaution. That's why he didn't fight back....when they shot at him."

"I know." Heero rolled over and sat up. "Shinigami...", he whispered. "I talked to him a month before the uprising."

She sat up too, her body just behind his. "What did you talk about?"

He shrugged. "Everything. Nothing. He was worried about you."

"Me?"

"He said everytime he saw you, you looked sadder than the last time. He told me..." Heero paused. "He told me to talk to you." She heard a sniff. "I didn't listen to him, obviously."

Relena delicately placed her hands on his back. "Heero..."

Heero flinched slightly at the touch, but quickly relaxed. "I didn't find out he was dead until three days after it happened. And even then I couldn't bring myself to face you. I didn't think it would be right..." He stopped. "It really should have been me, Relena."

She shook her head. He caught the scent of her shampoo as her hair flew back and forth. "I didn't mean that, Heero. You know I didn't mean that...right?"

He didn't answer her question. "You were right when you said I want to die. I would welcome death if it came right now."

"No!" Relena grabbed onto his shoulders, twisting him around until she could see his face again. "Don't say that! Don't even think it!"

"I don't have to. Someone's doing it for me." Heero dug around in his pants pocket. He produced a piece of paper a second later. "This is how I found out that Duo was dead."

Relena didn't have to look at it. "That means nothing. Someone's idea of a sick joke."

"You didn't even look at it."

"Quatre and Trowa each got one. I'm betting that Wufei did too, although I'm sure he'll never tell anyone." Relena touched his chin. "Heero..."

He unfolded the paper and read it out loud. "'One down; four to go.'" He re-folded it. "They're waging war on the Gundam pilots, Relena. And maybe we deserve it. The only thing we can do now is fight back. It's kill or be killed here."

"So...you're running off to die again? Leaving me alone..." She smiled wryly. "If you wanted to hurt me, you couldn't pick a better way."

"Relena...it's a death threat. I can't just sit back and..."

She held up one hand abruptly. "There's always going to be something, Heero. We created peace and we're dangerously close to losing it again. I'm watching it slip through my fingers. And I don't know if I'll have the strength to try for it again once it's gone." She met his gaze. "If you accept this challenge, you'll be starting the war. And Duo's death will be completely in vain."

"His death is in vain already", Heero whispered.

"No." Relena smile. "It brought us here, didn't it? In some crazy, sick way we're here because he's dead. Do you know how much that would have made Duo laugh?"

Heero Yuy returned her smile. "I'm sure wherever he is he's laughing his fool head off thinking he had something to do with this. That braided baka..."

Relena wiped a tear from her eye. "I have missed you so much, Heero."

The simple statement hit him like a bullet. "Why?"

"If you have to ask, you don't know me at all."

He looked at his hands. "Sometimes I think I don't. Other times, I think I know you too well. You...get to me, Relena."

Her eyes closed; warmth spread through her body. It wasn't the words she had longed for, but it was more than enough. Her arms wrapped around him; she rested her cheek against his back. "I love you too, Heero."

His hands covered hers. They held onto each other for what seemed like an eternity, yet it wasn't long enough. "I should go. You need to sleep." He began to stand.

"Will you stay the night?", she asked. He looked down at her, incredously. "Not as a lover." Her eyebrow lifted. "Not yet, anyways. But just to be here. You have no idea how safe I feel when you're with me."

"If your brother found me in your bed in the morning, the question of us being lovers in the future would be a non-issue."

Relena smiled. "I'm 21 years old. I'm a world leader. If I want you in my bed, it's my choice and my business."

Heero debated with himself for less than a second. "All right." He watched as she pulled back the covers, slipping under them, still fully dressed. She lifted the sheet and looked at him expectantly. Quickly, he pulled off his shoes, lining them up neatly beside her bed. Silently, almost stealthily, he slid into bed beside her.

She immediately curled up to his side. Unsure of what to do with his arms, he put one around her. It was evidently the right thing to do; she snuggled closer to his body. Her breath was warm against the fabric of his shirt. Heero closed his eyes.

"Heero", she said a second later.

"Hmm?"

"You're not going to take their challenge, are you?"

His eyes opened. "I don't know."

"Heero..." She began to sit up.

He put a finger to her lips, quieting her. "There's always going to be something, didn't you say that? I won't be able to do nothing forever. But you know what I admired most about that American baka?"

"His hair?"

Heero snorted. It could almost have passed for a laugh. "No. It was the way he treated life. Like every day needed to be lived to the absolute fullest because there might not be another. I think maybe I should try that for awhile. What do you think?"

Relena kissed him softly. "I think...I think that's what he would have wanted." She settled back against his body. "Welcome home, Heero."

*********

"I set out on a narrow way, many years ago.
Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road.
But I got lost a time or two,
Wiped my brow; kept pushing through.
I couldn't see how every sign,
Pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are.
Others who broke my heart; they were just northern stars.
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms.
This much I know is true;
God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.

Now I'm just rolling home,
Into my lover's arms.
This much I know is true.
God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you."