Seduction 9

After her last wonderful dance with Heero, Millardo had found Relena. Millardo asked her to accompany him upstairs. She had been a little confused by his request, but so happy with her night at the ball that she complied without protesting.

When they had climbed to the top of the stairs and entered the music room, Relena had been surprised to see Wufei. She had been about to ask him why he was not down enjoying the ball when she noticed how grim he looked. He did not look at her directly at first, in fact anywhere but her. His eyes focused on the window, on the door, then the fireplace. Finally, he looked in her eyes and she felt her legs go weak in dread. She clutched Millardo's arm. He quickly came to her support. She had felt the blood rush to her ears almost deafening her, but she heard Wufei say with such perfect clarity:

"Mother is dead."

The words played over and over in her head. Each time she heard them, the more painful they became. She shut off the words.

"...no..." she whispered and somehow found herself sitting in a chair with a glass of liquid held in her hand. Millardo was crouching beside her. She looked up at Wufei who was looking at her with compassion in his eyes. Relena experimented with the words again in her mind.

"Mother is dead"

A surge of painful emotion flowed over her, too complex to explain. She wanted to yell at Wufei and tell him to take the words back. She had turned for confirmation to Millardo only to find he had gone and Wufei was now at her side, his arm around her shoulders. His eyes were red and wet from tears he had shed, although he was trying to be strong in her presence now.

"How?" Relena managed to ask, though her mouth felt all wrong for speaking. Her brain seemed to be working much slower than her mouth and she spoke the words before she had thought them.

"This evening when the Doctor was with her. He was bleeding her and her heart failed." Wufei said.

Relena blinked and felt some tears spill down her cheeks. She rubbed them absently, looking at her fingers. Again she experimented with the words in her mind.

"Mother is dead."

The surge of grief was more intense this time and more tears spilled down her face.

"She died very quickly." Wufei said, "I do not believe she felt pain"

Relena's hand flew to her mouth "Oh, I had not though of that, I had not thought of her discomfort." Relena whispered "Are you sure?"

Wufei nodded "I was not in the room but Father said she appeared to fall asleep."

Relena got to her feet quickly, spilling the contents of the glass that she had forgotten she was holding.

"Father!" Relena was horrified that again she had not thought of him "I must go to him."

Wufei took the glass from her hand and put it down. He took her by the shoulders and sat her down again.

"Soon" Wufei said "Father will want to see you and I shall take you as soon as things are arranged."

Relena allowed herself to be sat down again. She was so selfish. She felt so numb. Again she forced herself to think:

"Mother is dead"

She would never take in a breath again, never speak, and never share in Relena's joy at finding a man to love.

...Heero...

Relena looked at Wufei.

"Do you think I might be able to see Lord Yuy before we go?" she asked. Wufei frowned, he had not attended the ball and so did not know of Relena's four dances. "Perhaps he could be told" she continued, looking down at the stain on her dress.

"He could be told." Wufei said.

"I need to change." Relena said, wiping at the stain more forcefully. "I cannot go to father wearing this."

"I believe it is being attended to." Wufei said. He took the glass and poured some more brandy into it and gave it back to Relena. "Drink. To settle your nerves. You have had a great shock."

Relena nodded, taking the glass again, but did not drink. She was thinking of when she last saw her mother a couple of days earlier. Relena had spoken about the workhouse and Kushrinada. Never once had she asked of her mother's health. Never once had she told her mother of her regard for her.

..."Mother is dead"...

Now she could not. She would never be able to tell her how much she loved her.

The door opened and Hilde came quickly in. Wufei nodded as she told him how sorry she was, then he moved to talk to Millardo who stood by the door.

"Relena." Hilde knelt in front of her friend and careless of convention gathered her up in her arms "I am so sorry."

Relena felt herself sob at her friend's sympathy. She started to cry and could not stop the tears flowing down her cheeks as Hilde rocked her gently. Hilde's show of kindness and compassion was Relena's downfall. She started crying as if she would never stop. Hilde murmured comforts to her and stroked her hair. Red eyed Relena looked up at her friend.

"Mother is dead." She said.

"I know, my dear, I know." Hilde smiled gently "I am so very, very sorry."

The door opened again and Relena turned hoping that it was Heero, but it was Lucrezia who entered. Her beautiful green dress had been replaced by a simple one of dull black taffeta.

"Relena, my dear." Lucrezia came over and, as Hilde moved back, gave her a hug too. "I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your dear mother." She pulled back and regarded Relena closely, squeezing her hand. "Do you feel up to going to the Rectory?" Relena nodded "I have a mourning dress you can change into. It is old I am afraid, but it will do until we can get you some proper mourning clothes tomorrow."

Relena stood up, tears still leaking quietly from her eyes.

"Is Lord Yuy here?" she asked, "I thought he would have come."

Hilde shared a look with Lucrezia and Relena suddenly felt nauseous.

"What?" Relena demanded, "Tell me!"

Hilde took her hand. "Yuy is gone." She said.

"Gone." Relena repeated weakly "I do not understand. The ball is not over, why should he go?"

Lucrezia bit her lip "I do not know." She said.

"Please, Lucrezia, do not lie to me." Relena felt all her emotions turn from sadness to fright. "Tell me!"

Hilde nodded "Yes, it is only right you should know. Yuy and Maxwell had a bet with Miss Catalonia." Hilde paused, her eyes full of sympathy "The bet was that Yuy could make you enamoured with him before Kushrinada." Hilde watched as Relena's eyes widened, then went emotionally flat. "Yuy won the bet when he danced the fourth dance with you. He left immediately after wining."

Relena felt extraordinarily calm.

"Mother is dead" her mind whispered the mantra and this time there was nothing.

No shock, no sadness, no anger.

Nothing.

"Thank you." Relena said to Hilde and allowed herself to be lead away.

* * * *

Three days later Mrs Darlian had been laid to rest in the little churchyard amongst all the disordered graves that were already there. The service had been a simple one, led by Wufei. Reverend Darlian had the look of one shell shocked, not quite believing that his wife of so many years was no longer there by his side. He listened intently to the eulogy, smiling at references to Mrs Darlian's loving strictness and strength of character.

He had started to weep gently only when the coffin had been lowered into the earth and he had thrown a handful of dirt into the hole. When Relena gently let the earth trickle from her black gloved hand she felt nothing. She had thought that she would, so many others seemed to find emotional release by this one final act. But she could not. Since learning that Yuy's pursuit of her had been nothing more than a wager, nothing seemed to touch her heart.

Relena had not looked for Yuy at the funeral. She had not expected to see him there. Duo Maxwell attended though, and his eyes when they met hers at the wake conveyed regret, sadness and apologies. Relena accepted his condolences, but did not speak to him. She spoke to no one. She had no words to say.

Once the wake was over, everyone retired to his or her room. The atmosphere was just too depressing for company. Relena sat on her bed and stared into space. Beside her on a little table sat a tray of cold tea and sandwiches. She had not eaten since the ball; she had no appetite. Her fingers played with the black crape silk of her mourning dress. Everyone in the house now wore black. Black sashes hung across fireplaces and across windows. Every thing was black. She looked at the window. Even the sky this afternoon was black.

Relena suddenly felt an overwhelming need to be away from here, away from the room, the house, the people. Without letting anyone know she was going, she set off for a walk.

* * * *

Heero was at the funeral, or rather he was near the funeral. Millardo had sent him a note after the ball expressing disgust at his actions. He had warned too that Heero was not welcome at Sanq Hall. Heero could only agree. His actions had been disgusting. He should have simply warned Millardo of Kushrinada's treatment of his sister and left it at that. He should never have got involved with Relena. If he had not his mind would still be at peace, rather than in turmoil with thinking of what might have been.

He had watched Relena at the graveside from a safe distance. Black did not suit her. It made her look too pale, too drawn. She did not cry once. She stood straight and let the proceedings wash over her. Heero ached to be able to go and hold her. To comfort her.

He knew all to well the shocked numbness of loosing a loved one. The loss of Relena's mother painfully reminded him of his loss of Helena. He had not been able to mourn, not even when he had seen her body in its casket and realised that she was in fact dead and that it was not a mistake. Heero recognised the same coldness in Relena, the same shutting off of the outside world.

But he could not help her.

The best he could do for her, for both of them, was to stay away from her.

* * * *

Relena had left Sanq Hall without telling anyone that she was going for a walk. Millardo and Lucrezia would insist that she have someone accompany her and right now she really wanted to be alone.

Quatre's cheerful personality only seemed to exaggerate the numbness that she felt. He was earnestly trying to be reassuring and say how much he understood the grief she was feeling, but the problem was that she felt no grief.

Relena was completely numb, void of all emotion, since hearing of Heero's deception. She felt that she would never feel another emotion. It was as if she was sealed away from everything and everyone. She was an observer, watching but not participating. It was as if her mother had never been, that the woman who had died has been nothing to her, had been a complete stranger.

The weather was cold and the clouds looked stormy, but the cold air against her face was refreshing, a relief after the stuffiness of the house. She walked briskly away from the Hall, across the fields, not really caring which direction she went. Relena just knew that she needed to get away.

Why had Heero acted as he had? Relena could not understand it. She had thought that she had come to know him. His caring for the workhouse children had impressed her. She had luxuriated in the odd touch she had received from him. At the ball she had been certain that he too had felt those sensations that she had experienced. But he had gone and she felt nothing anymore. It was as if he had killed her.

The wind was stronger now and tore at the black ribbons that secured her bonnet to her head, making them flap up and strike her face forcefully. She made no move to restrain the ribbons; every slap that gave her pain was better than the numbness she had been feeling up until now. Her cloak was also billowing in the wind, but Relena made no effort to hold it around herself. She let it flap like big black crows wings.

A particularly strong gust of wind caught her bonnet and tore it from her head. Relena instinctively raised a hand to catch it, but missed. She turned to watch it cartwheel across the field. She watched its flight, but made no effort to pursue it. In fact, watching her bonnet tumble away made a smile appear on Relena's pale face. The bonnet's black ribbons flapping at either side of the hat made it look like some sort of awkward fat black bird, eager to get airborne, but just not having wings strong enough to lift it.

Rain was beginning to fall, and it felt oddly cold to her now bare head. Her bound back hair started to unravel in the wind from its bun. At first it streamed away from her face in the wind, but then as it got wetter it fell down over her shoulders. It felt good after days of feeling nothing. The sensation of wind and rain made Relena feel oddly alive.

Eager to experience more, she pulled at the ties of her cloak and that too blew back with the wind, slipping from her shoulders, floating for a heartbeat or two before it fell to the ground in a sodden heap. It was too wet and heavy to travel far. Relena paid no attention to it, but stretched her arms out, her palms up, her head thrown back and luxuriated in the sensations that the weather inflicted on her. She spun in a circle giggling as her dress soaked up the wet, then lowered her arms and sighed.

For a moment with the extremes of the weather she had forgotten all about her situation, but she could not escape the facts.

Her mother was dead.

Heero was gone.

Relena started walking again, aimlessly.

The wind was dying down now that the rain had started. The rain had started to fall in earnest, Relena's dress was now soaked, she could feel her petticoats absorbing the moisture too. For a moment she considered turning and retracing her steps to the house, but decided against it. She needed the solitude.

Relena thought about her mother again. Maybe Relena was wicked ñ her inability to mourn would seem to indicate that she had no love for her dead mother. But Relena did, she knew she did. Even though she had not spent much time with her since their return to England. And Mrs Darlian knew Relena loved her, didn't she? Relena felt ill. She had never told her mother how much she loved her, but surely Mrs Darlian would have known. Mrs Darlian had been an astute person, a caring woman.

But Relena had never told her.

Relena started to feel angry as she strode through the rain. Why did her mother have to die this way, why could she not have held on to life for longer. Relena never got to say goodbye, she never got to hold her mother one last time, and she never got the opportunity to say I love you. She never had the chance to tell her about Heero Yuy.

Relena stopped walking and feeling sick. She put her hand to her head.

Heero Yuy.

It always came back to him and when she thought of him, her feelings would numb and she would feel as if she had been the one to die. It was as if he had killed her. His action of leaving the ball early had all but assassinated her.

Relena thought of his cold blue eyes and found herself shivering. She started walking again briskly thinking that she had just started to feel the cold so intensely because she had stopped walking. The wind had all but died away now that the rain was falling heavily. She had no idea how long she had been walking, but touching her now soaked hair she thought it must have been some time.

In the field before her, though the driving rain, she saw a tree under which she could gain some shelter. It was a large gnarled oak tree, its branches moving creakily in the wind. As she pressed up against its trunk Relena found some respite from the wind and rain that had been making her bones feel like ice. She closed her eyes again, listening to the wind rustle the leaves and the rhythmic creaking of the tree itself. She turned to look at the great old tree, marvelling at the way nature produced such a wonderful thing.

She traced her aching fingers over the bark, her fingertips sensing all the nooks and crannies. She started to hum a little song that her mother used to sing her for a lullaby when she was little, and in beat with the tune she started to move around the tree, trailing her hand across the bark as if it was water. Her fingers felt a dip in the bark as she opened her eyes to see what it was. Some one had carved a love heart here, long ago. The scare had long healed and the love heart had distorted slightly as the tree had continued to grow. The initials contained within the love heart were so familiar.

"Your Mama and I courted under that tree. It is the secret place where we used to meet."

"Mother..." Relena whispered, pressing her fingers into the initials. Suddenly she felt so close to her mother, the numbness, guilt and anger disappeared and she felt calm. Relena knew that her mother was close and reassuring Relena that of course she knew how much Relena loved her. Relena felt tears rise unbidden to her eyes and roll down her cheeks.

"Mother, good bye." She whispered and sank down to her knees and sobbed, letting out all the grief that had been trapped inside her. As she cried the rain gradually stopped and the wind began to rise again. Huddled in a little sodden heap, Relena did not notice as the rhythmic creaking of the branches eased her into a troubled sleep.

* * * *

Heero was riding his horse hard. He was very angry with himself. He had gone three quarters of the way to Sanq Hall meaning to apologise to Relena and try to explain his actions before he had come to his senses and stopped.

What was the point?

It might ease his conscience but it would not help his and Relena's situation at all. If anything, it would do more harm to it. She might, out of guilt and pity, try and stay with him and that would be worse than loosing her. For her to remain out of pity would destroy him.

No, it was better as it was. Relena should hate him for what he had done to her. He deserved her hate.

The conditions were muddy underfoot and his horse slipped a couple of times. Heero slowed the horse to a walk, his concern for his horse momentarily out weighing his self-loathing. He patted the horse's neck, and as he did so he noticed a cape lying on the ground.

Heero dismounted and, still holding his horse's reins, crouched down beside it. He gingerly lifted it by a corner, noting its quality. It was very wet so had obviously been out for some time, but not so long as to fade. He stood up and looked around, wondering how it came to be there. Lifting it gingerly he noted that it was short enough to indicate a lady's cloak.

Heero frowned, feeling a little uneasy. Many women had black cloaks. He examined it more closely, looking at the lining. Inside there was a little black satin label; a sensible precaution on an item of clothing that looked so similar to others. Embroidered in white silk on the label were the initials "R P".

Heero's heart felt as if it was going to stop.

"...Relena.." he whispered, then called loudly "Relena!"

He looked around considering which way she could have gone. He did not want to consider her mental state that would drive her outside in such weather and cause her to abandon her cloak.

Or had she abandoned it? Maybe she had been waylaid and harmed.

Heero mounted his horse, holding the cloak close and ignoring the wet chill of it against his leg. He considered where she might be. If she had wanted to harm herself she might have travelled to the swollen river, but that was far away to the other side of Sanq Hall.

Besides, Heero could not contemplate that Relena would cause herself harm, even when pushed towards it by his cruelty.

He urged his horse into a trot, careful of the conditions underfoot, but also looking for signs of Relena. He had not gone far before noticing a group of children gathered together under an old oak tree. They were prodding something with sticks: something black.

Heero urged his horse over causing the ragged children to scatter back and regard him with wide fearful eyes before running off. He dismounted in a fluid motion and knelt beside the heap. It was a woman, her head cradled in her arms, legs drawn up to her chest. She shivered uncontrollably. Heero took off a glove and gently smoothed the dark wet hair back from her face.

"....Relena..."

He was startled by how hot her skin was. Her eyes, though closed, were puffy. Her face was still wet with tears that she had cried. Heero checked her limbs for injury, running his hands along her arms and legs before, satisfied, pulling her off the ground into his embrace.

"Relena" he murmured into her wet hair.

Her eyes opened, but were glazed with fever. She seemed to know him and smiled her wonderfully innocent smile.

"...Heero..." she whispered "...mother is here.."

Heero felt himself go cold with fear and held on to her tighter.

"No!" he said. He stood, picking her up in his arms, moving towards the horse "Everything will be fine, Relena." He murmured "I am going to take you somewhere warm."

Relena's head was buried in his chest, she tilted it back to look at him. Her eyes were red rimmed and half closed. "...mother..." she whispered softly again.

"Your mother cannot have you." Heero growled.

He soothed his horse that had become skittish, alarmed at the bundle Heero was holding. Heero hesitated then let Relena's feet drop to the ground and supported her under her arms. She swayed, unsteady, but kept up right.

Heero considered her state and doubted that she would stand unaided long enough for him to mount and reach down to pull her up. H e took her by the waist and lifted her, draping her over the back of the horse in front of the saddle. Heero mounted and pulled her over so that she was once more cradled in his arms.

Where to take her?, he thought.

Sanq Hall was the most suitable, but Maresfield was closer. She needed to be made dry and warm quickly.

"..m..m.mama..." Relena reached out to something only she could see. Then she went limp, her head lolled backwards, her arm dropping like a dead weight to her side. Heero quickly raised his arm to support her head.

That decided him. He urged his horse into a trot holding her unconscious form close to his chest to protect her from the jolting and to lend her the warmth from his body.

He headed towards Maresfield.