Till There Was You
Prologue: Virginal
by Lady Scarlet-Une
The first time I saw you, you were laying on a beach, seemingly lifeless from afar. After you had left, I stared off into the distance, my emotions in a turmoil and my senses in a whirl. I didn't know who you were, I didn't know what drove you. All I knew was that I wanted you.
From there, my obsession grew. You consumed my thoughts, my dreams, and my heart. Every night I slept to your face in my mind and woke to it. I thought I loved you and would one day maybe even have you. I'm still trying to decide if I should be thankful for that wish come true.
***
The first stage of my life was lived in a hazy storybook place called the Sanc Kingdom. I was born Relena Peacecraft, a name purportedly associated with royalty, political power, and prestige. I hate that name now, but I didn't know any better as a babe. I merely gurgled and cooed and wore diapers like all other babies except that I was better dressed, I guess. My family exhorted the idea of unilateral pacifism, a doctrine that would supposedly be applied at all costs at all times. This mighty ideal, allegedly, would garner world peace and safety. As high browed and turn-the-other-cheek Christian as this might have been, it ultimately proved ineffective in practice. My whole family, except my now-absent brother and myself, were wiped out by OZ. Goes to show what ill preparation and years of high society in-breeding can do to you. Thus I fell into the hands of my other set of parents, my real parents for all intents and purposes, Mr. and Mrs. Darlian. Thus began the second stage of my life.
This phase of my existence was filled, like before, with all the privileges that wealth and power can bring. For awhile, I was happy doing the whole Queen Bee thing and spoiled-only-child routine. Life lay before me as a series of endless social gatherings with an inexhaustible supply of simpering suck-ups to carry my sedan, all culminating in my eventual high-society wedding extravaganza and the ride into the matronly sunset. I felt lonely, I felt unloved at times by my busy father and mother, but what's familial affection compared to superficial social popularity? I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I'd had a firm family background. Would I have become a better person than what I am now? Would I have been better at carrying the Sanc Kingdom and eventually the world? Would I not have felt an overwhelming need to fill the void of affection in my life by shamelessly chasing the elusive Heero Yuy? I will never know the answers to any of those questions. All I know is that the end of my illusion with the Darlians led me full circle to the Peacecraft curse and that Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier, loved me enough to save me from it.
Throughout the war with OZ, I was driven by a firm sense of loyalty to honor the memory of my destroyed Peacecraft heritage and the ghost of my martyred surrogate father. At night, I would lie in bed and listen to him repeat his peaceful doctrines over and over in my head. In surround sound, nonetheless. It wasn't the arguments that persuaded me; an extended amount of time of that alone would have driven me insane or made me extremely resentful in the least. Instead, it was that coupled with the memories of my childhood and his soft voice whispering his love for me in my ear. I am not the first child to dutifully succumb to their parent's posthumous wishes. Instead, I was merely a prominent one, thrown into the spotlight before puberty could even get a firm grasp on me and give me some decent-sized breasts. And so I went out and preached and screeched pacifism at the top of my lungs.
Concurrently, I was torn with a need to love and be loved by Heero Yuy. He of the cold eyes and closed expression could drive me irrational with longing. Unlike me, however, Heero lived his life through war and believed it was the best way to achieve an ultimate peace. And I, caught up in love and duty, alternately fought him and urged him along. I was contradictory, unhappy, and too extreme at times. But I was living the life the ghosts wanted me to. Duty calls above all other things, after all.
After the war, I found myself in the position of slowly trying to peace my shattered soul back together. Part of it was lost when I had finally acknowledged the necessity of war to obtain ultimate peace and my father's voice had died a bittersweet death. Another part of it went with the ruined remains of the Sanc Kingdom and my ultimate exploitation by Romefellar. But most of it, and my heart, disappeared with Heero Yuy. Yet I kept smiling and mouthing the right words and flattering the appropriate dignitaries. Part of me still believed in all of the talk and the politics, but another part was embittered with what I had seen. I did not realize the extent of this until after Mariemeia and my moment with Heero in my arms. If peace could still be ruthlessly disrupted after the hard work of so many, what was the point of following these now obsolete traditions? Other methods would be needed. Thus, the final stage of my life began.