Disclaimer: For the four *billionth* time, they all are not mine.

Author's Notes: Don't ask me where this story came from because I have no idea. It's probably the after effect of breathing in all the bug spray my brother and I perfumed my room with, trying to kill a cockroach. That stuff is lethal. Anyways, I hope things in this story aren't too wacky and that characters aren't too out of sync. We killed the bug, by the way. One down, literally trillions to go.

Dedication: To my family in Georgia. I love ya'll.

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Two Can Play
by Kristen Elizabeth

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"Heero...I've been doing a lot of thinking. When I was on L4 last week for the signing of that trade agreement, I took a walk in a park Quatre recommended. I saw this couple, about our age, having a picnic. I must have watched them for half an hour. They looked so very much in love. And something occured to me." Relena Peacecraft looked up into Heero Yuy's deep blue eyes. "I think I'm ready to spend the night with you."

Heero blinked. And then blinked again. "Really?"

The former Queen of the World blushed. "Really. I love you. And I want to be with you...like that." She looked down at her suede shoes. "I can't ever imagine being with another man."

There was a long pause as Heero desperately fought for something to say that wouldn't sound too relieved or excited, but would also have no chance of being misinterpreted as a 'no'. "So...tonight then?" As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them.

A shadow flickered across Relena's face. "Well, I wasn't really thinking that we'd...jump right into it. I mean, I've never....and you've never...." Her eyes widened. "Have you?"

Heero shook his head. "No. I haven't."

Relena seemed relieved. "Then we should take things slow." She smiled with innocent seduction. "But not too slow."

"Not too slow", Heero repeated. Her fingers were playing with the top button of his shirt. "How slow is not too slow?"

Still smiling, she rose up on her toes and kissed him lightly. "I have no idea", she replied. "I suppose we'll just have to feel our way though it."

"Feel our way through it", he echoed. Her hands were guiding his to her hips.

Relena's lips were on his jaw. "Take every step one at a time."

"One at a time." Without her help, his hands slid down the linen covering her backside.

"And trust ourselves not to get in over our heads."

"Over our..." The door to Relena's office flew open suddenly. Heero backed up a step, removing his hands from the Vice Foriegn Minister.

Relena touched her bottom lip before turning to face the uninvited guest. "Millardo. What are you doing here? I thought Miss Noin had you on vacation."

Millardo Peacecraft's eyes narrowed a bit as he examined the couple. He looked them both over for any signs of mischief. Undone buttons, mussed hair. When he found nothing, he relaxed a bit and replied to his sister's question. "Noin and I returned early to help you prepare for the conference."

"The conference?" The memory came to her after a minute. "Oh yes!! The conference. I had almost forgotten."

Her brother frowned. "It's not like you to forget something this important, Relena."

"Well, I've been distracted lately." Relena's eyes darted to Heero, a motion that did not go unnoticed.

Millardo's gaze darkened. "I can't imagine why."

Relena cleared her throat. "Thank you for reminding me. Now, if you'll excuse us, Commander Yuy was just briefing me about the state of security."

"And knowing Commander Yuy, I'm sure the briefing will be thorough." Millardo backed up through the doors.

Her shoulders relaxed once the older man was gone. "Do you think he suspects anything?"

Heero nodded. "Let him suspect. You're not a child anymore, Relena."

She raised an eyebrow. "I know. A child would definitely not be thinking the thoughts about you that I'm thinking right now."

His arms encircled her body, pulling her in for a kiss. "Anything you feel like sharing?"

Relena laughed. "You're a much nicer guy when you know you're going to get laid."

"Speaking of that..." Heero's fingers cupped her breast. "How will we know when we're not getting in over our heads?"

She thought for a long minute, hard to do with Heero gently kneading her breast. "After the conference, there will be a ball. The night of the ball.....everything will be perfect."

"Perfect." Heero's tongue traced the inside of her mouth. "I'm looking forward to..."

"Incoming!!!" Duo Maxwell burst into the office, without warning. Heero and Relena broke apart again; Heero's face melted into a scowl. "Oh, don't look so happy to see me", Duo continued. "Hey...did I interrupt something?"

"No", Relena sighed. "No, of course not. It's not like the door was closed or anything."

"Oh wait..." Heero's voice was deadly. "It was."

"Sheesh....wrong side of the bed this morning?" Duo's smile was wicked. "Or was it *not* waking up in bed that was the problem?"

Heero pointed to the door. "Out. Now."

"What did I do??"

"Out."

Sulking and muttering curses, Duo left the office, slamming the door behind him to make his anger known. Alone again, Heero reached for her. Their kiss was deep and passionate, but rather than fulfilling, it left them both with an ache that would need to be filled soon. Without knowing it, Heero began backing her up towards the couch. His fingers worked her silk blouse out from her skirt.

"Heero...", she mumured as she felt the couch against the back of her knees. "What happened to slow and steady?"

"It doesn't win the race." He ran his hands up her smooth back, reaching for the clasp holding her brassiere together.

Relena leaned her head back when his tongue began to trace patterns on her throat. "Is that what this is?" She pulled herself together enough to push him away. "A race?"

Heero blinked and licked the corner of his mouth. "Um..." He searched for the right answer. "No?"

"Are you answering or asking?"

There was a pause. "It's taken me four years to come to terms with what I feel for you, Relena."

"And what do you feel for me?" She touched her lips. "Is it lust or love?"

Heero's brow crinkled. "They're not the same?"

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"So....she kicked you right out of the office, eh?"

"You make it sound much worse than it was. We had a slight difference of opinion that resulted with me leaving to give her time to cool down." Heero looked down at his beer bottle. "Yes, she kicked me out."

Duo bit his lip to keep from laughing out loud. "What did you do to make her so mad?"

"Nothing", Heero insisted. "She told me was ready to..." He stopped. "Why am I telling you this?"

"Because you know I'm the master when it comes to women."

Trowa Barton snorted into his rum and Coke. "Tread carefully, Heero. You are talking to the man who tried to pick up girls at a Take Back the Night rally."

"Cute." Duo flipped the taller man off. "Listen...you know I'm the only one fit to give you this sort of advice. I mean, who else is there? Trowa and Quatre don't even like girls. And Wufei thinks they're inferior. You're stuck with me, Yuy. Deal with it."

Heero picked up his beer. "Why do I not feel confidant?"

"Let me put it this way." Duo took a swallow of his own beer. "I've had sex. You have not."

"Hmph", Heero replied.

"That was a cheap shot", Quatre Raberba Winner reprimanded their braided friend.

"Have you had sex?", Duo retorted. Quatre looked at Trowa and blushed furiously. "Don't answer that." Duo turned back to Heero. "If you want to get laid, first you have to worm your way back into her good graces. That won't be too hard; the girl's crazy about you."

"So...I should..." Heero forced the unfamiliar word out of his mouth. "...apologize?"

"Something like that, yeah."

Heero thought for several long minutes as he nursed his drink. "I can do that."

"I don't know....are you sure? I mean, an apology takes a lot out of a guy. All that groveling and begging....I don't think you can do it." Duo's eyes lit up as a thought flashed across his brain. "Say....why don't we put a little money on it?"

"You mean, like a bet?", Heero asked. Duo nodded. "No. I won't put money on my relationship with Relena." Duo slumped back into his chair. "However", Heero continued. "I will say that if I have not...been with Relena by Christmas, I will..." He hesitated.

"You will wear a pair of her panties to the office and casually tell Lady Une what you have on under your uniform", Duo supplied.

Trowa lifted an eyebrow. "You have way too much imagination for your own good, Duo."

"Fine", Heero agreed, shocking them all. "But, if Relena and I *have* had sex by Christmas, you will cut your hair."

Duo's jaw fell open. "Oh fuck no. No, no, no. You can mess with anything else, Heero. You can make me stand in the middle of the office, wearing nothing but Hilde's panties and a smile, but don't mess with the hair!"

Heero smiled. A smile on Heero Yuy was a frightening thing. "The hair will be cut or the bet's off." His friend sucked in a massive breath and nodded reluctantly. "It's settled then. Now, it's time to do some groveling." Leaving his beer, Heero left the bar.

Quatre shook his head. "Miss Relena will not like this if she finds out."

"She won't find out." Duo grinned evily from behind his beer. "She won't be having sex either. Not before Christmas anyways..."

Trowa took a long sip of his drink. "I don't know. We've all seen Heero when he's determined. I think you had better start thinking about what kind of new hairstyle you'd like."

"You don't think I can do something as simple as this?" Upon seeing Trowa shrug, Duo gulped the last of his beer. "Care to make a wager on that?"

"A bet within a bet. Kinky."

"Fifty dollars says I can keep the little lovebirds from getting horizontal", Duo declared.

Trowa set his glass down. "A hundred dollars says you can't."

"Two hundred dollars says Miss Relena finds out and decides to join a convent", Quatre sighed, picking up his iced tea.

"Then it's settled. Two hundred dollars." Duo jumped off his barstool and tossed down a few dollars to cover the drinks. "Excuse me. I have a relationship to thwart."

Quatre watched him leave the bar. "Do you think he can actually do it?"

"I'm not sure", Trowa replied. "Want to make a bet?"

A fresh blush spread on the blond man's cheeks. "All right. If you win, I'll sleep with you."

Trowa was interested. "Really? Not slumber sleep, but....*really* sleep with me?" Quatre nodded. "What if I lose?"

Quatre smiled innocently. "I'll sleep with you as a consolation prize."

"A win-win situation." Trowa brought Quatre's fingers up to his lips. "I like it." He kissed one finger. "Let the games begin."

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