Understanding By Lady Saffir

Rating: PG

"Hell, madam, is to love no more." Georges Bernanos

DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, the chances of me EVER owning GW, or any part of that franchise, is INCREDIBLY small. So let's just say that I own the storyline and leave it at that.

Relena sniffled, trying once again to stop the flood of tears. In the twenty minutes since Heero had left, she had cried, ranted about foolish men, and used up an entire box of tissues. It looked to be a promising night. Noin sighed, lapsing into silence. When Relena had frantically burst into her study, she had feared the worst. Unable to get a coherent sentence from her friend, her anxiety and fear had risen, until Relena had managed to croak out one word.

"...*sniff* Heero...*sniff*"

That had dropped all of the puzzle pieces into place. She thought that Heero had been acting weird earlier this week. Noin had simply brushed his behavior off as simple 'Heero-isms', but now that she thought about it...

Sighing again, Noin tried once more to draw the younger woman into conversation. So far she had found out that she and Heero had argued, or at least had some major disagreement.

"Relena, you think you can tell me what happened now?"

Sniffling, Relena nodded, then began the tale.

"He came over, and he was acting really weird. So finally I got him to talk about it right *sniff* before he left. I couldn't figure out what he *sniff* was talking about, until I remembered what *sniff* Milliardo had said."

Relena stopped as fresh tears sprang up, sending her groping for a tissue. She hated crying; it made her feel so helpless.

"And?" Noin prompted gently, rubbing one hand up and down Relena's back.

"And he...he said that..that he might wanna break up with me!"

Noin couldn't help it, she had to sigh again.

"Relena...you've known all along that Heero comes and goes as he pleases. Perhaps this is simply his way of letting you know that he wants to go wandering again..." Noin trailed off as Relena shook her head.

"No. This...this was dif...different."

"How so?"

Relena thought for a moment, swiping at her eyes in an effort to stop the tears from falling.

"It sounded...final."

"Oh," was the only thing Noin could say as Relena once more burst into tears.

Once more looking at the calendar, Relena tried to stifle a sigh. Three days had passed since Heero had asked her to give him 'time', and in those three days the knot in her stomach had grown larger.

It was to the point now that food held no interest for her. True, she went through the motions of trying to eat, but whenever a stray thought or memory triggered an image of Heero, Relena would have to stop eating, for fear of being sick.

Throwing down her pen in disgust, Relena vowed to herself to have the issue resolved tonight. A banquet was being held to honor some important official (funny, she could have sworn that her memory was better than this...) and Heero was required to attend as a Preventer.

Relena gave a sharp nod of her head. Whatever was going on would be settled, one way or another, tonight.

Checking the mirror for confirmation, Relena had to admit that she looked better than usual. A judicious application of make-up had concealed the dark area underneath her eyes, while the foundation gave the appearance of flawless skin. Her eye make-up was a mixture of browns and tans, designed to make her eyes appear brighter. Her dress, a small black number, had never been worn before, but Relena had to admit that she liked it. Clingy in the right areas, it flowed smoothly down her body to end in a puddle at her feet.

Let Heero think about what he was wanting to throw away. She'd show him exactly what she was capable of doing - and that was looking drop dead gorgeous.

Anxiously scanning the crowd for a sight of Heero, Relena tried to maintain a civil conversation with the young man beside her. A young man, this was his first important function that he was attending with the 'higher ups'. And unfortunately, he seemed determined to get Relena to notice him.

Which he was. Relena just wasn't sure if he was going to enjoy his new assignment as ambassador to the Eskimos in North America.

Freeing herself of the young man's clutches, Relena mingled with other diplomats, occasionally stopping to talk to acquaintances from work. Looking up from a conversation with a junior Preventer, Relena froze as she caught sight of Heero from the corner of her eye. Politely excusing herself, she hurried through the crowd, trying to maintain sight of the elusive man.

Standing off to the side, Heero appeared to be slightly surprised at her sudden appearance. Wrongly interpreting the look he sent her, Relena felt her heart leap. Normally that look was reserved for when she didn't believe in him - a slight quirk of the eyebrows that conveyed his disbelief at her lack of trust. Perhaps he hadn't meant it at all.

Then again, maybe he had. About to take his arm, Relena sensed the 'Don't touch me' vibes he was putting off. Hesitantly smiling up at him, she frantically searched for neutral ground.

"Are you enjoying the party?"

Heero looked at her, then gave a slight shrug.

"There've been better."

"True, true."

The couple stood in strained silence for a moment, before Relena gathered her courage up. She had never had a problem talking to Heero - why was this any different?

'Perhaps because you don't know where you stand, relationship wise?' A voice whispered in the back of her mind.

"Heero, I...I do not wish to appear dense, but please...what did you mean when we last talked?" Relena held her breath, hoping against what her heart was telling her. Last night she had dreamed that Heero was pulling away from her, leaving her floundering alone in the dark. She had awoke with a sense of finality - as if everything had been settled, and now she was only awaiting the news. She didn't care much for the sensation.

"Relena," Heero sighed, giving her a look that she knew meant he hated having to spell things out for her. "When I said 'give me time', I meant that we shouldn't see each other for a while. It would be better this way; you shouldn't depend on me - I've let you down in the past, remember? Perhaps you need to figure things out for yourself as well."

"But I still want to talk to you," he hurried on, seeing her on the verge of protesting. "I enjoy your company; but perhaps we need to see if what we really want is each other."

Relena nodded numbly at his words. Only friends? She didn't know if she could handle that again. True, they had started out as friends, then gradually moved to the couple stage; but still...

"I...see."

Heero gave her a searching look, finally shaking his head. He had expected anger, the hurt look that sometimes crossed her face, denial - but not this. Not this quiet acceptance of his announcement. It made him wonder if it had truly sunk in.

For some reason, Heero felt the need to make small talk with Relena. Perhaps if he could get her talking, she would finally open up, and react somehow.

"How's the newest treaty coming along?"

Relena's head snapped back to look at Heero's face. Since his speech, she had been staring blindly off into the distance, unaware of her surroundings. It just didn't seem possible that Heero truly meant what he said.

"Hmm? Oh, the treaty...yes, well, it's coming along fine. Although the older delegates still treat me like an ignorant little girl, most of them are helping me. May I ask what brought this sudden change of feelings about?" Relena asked, not stopping for a breath.

It was Heero's turn to look surprised. That calm mask was still in place, making Heero suspicious of her motives.

"I thought it would be best for you," he offered up.

"Hmm...I see."

Argh! Would the woman stop saying that! It was beginning to make Heero wonder just how much she did 'see'.

"Has Duo done anymore outrageous things in the office?"

"No, not really. Not since Wufei loaded his desk full scissors...he's been pretty quiet since then."

And so they spent almost an entire hour, calmly and politely discussing events in their lives, acting for all the world as if they were two people that he just met.

****************************************

Dear god, were they trying to make her cry?! So far every single person that knew she and Heero had been seeing each other had inquired after him. And each time Relena had been unsure as to how to answer. If she outright told everyone, then she would have to deal with the sympathy looks and speeches - especially the one that went, "Don't worry about him! You're young, you have your entire life ahead of you. If he doesn't know what he's throwing away, then he's just not worth it. Besides, this might be for the best.'

Relena had always hated that speech. She had a feeling she would be really hating it in the near future.

Sighing in relief, Relena slipped into the house, the polite mask slipping from her face. The party had lasted into the early hours of the morning, and to Relena, each seemed a personal hell. But, now with only her brother and Noin to see her, perhaps she could finally vent her frustrations at life.

Plopping down on the couch, Relena drew her knees up to her chin, having changed from that horrid dress into her nightclothes the instant she was able to. Staring mindlessly into the night, her thoughts continued to pattern of, 'why Heero? what did I do? is this just a phase? please god, please just be a phase! I need you, Heero...'

Watching from the doorway, Zechs watched as his baby sister blinked back tears. While he wanted to pound the younger man for hurting Relena, Zechs wasn't entirely sure this new 'friendship' wouldn't be a bad thing. Relena had spent three years now with only the Gundam Pilots for close friends. She needed someone that could just offer a shoulder to cry on - not offer the option of blowing up something to release tension.

Sitting down beside the quiet woman, brother and sister sat in silence for a few moments.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Zechs offered, rubbing one hand across Relena's back. His hand stilled when he caught sight of Relena's upturned face. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears, but curiously, no discernable expression could be found there. It was as if Relena had simply shut down her personality, letting her body run as it would.

"It just hurts, you know? I mean, I've known him for so long, you think that I'd mean something more than just a friend - wouldn't you?"

Zechs thought for a moment, unsure how to respond. He desperately wanted to point out that she was friends with several other guys, but he had a feeling she didn't want to hear that.

"Would it help if I broke both of his legs?" He offered in jest, trying to get her to smile. It worked, partially.

"No. He'd just sent them himself and go. You'd have to break more than that." Relena sighed, trying to appreciate the effort Milliardo was putting forth.

"So I have permission to break more than his legs? I'll set to work right away."

Relena had to laugh at that. Swatting at her brother, she offered him a smile that was a bit closer to her real one. Standing, she crossed to the doorway, pausing to look back.

"I'll be fine. I promise. I just...need time, alright?"

Zechs nodded, then tried one last effort to cheer his sister up.

"Don't forget what they say about love. If you let it go and it returns, it was meant to be. If it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be. Think about that, ok?"

Relena graced him with a sad smile.

"I'll try."

Zechs breathed a sigh of relief. She was taking this quite well. At least, he thought she was, until her parting comment reached his ears from the stairway.

"It still doesn't stop my heart from hurting."

There! Finished. I just need some feedback about that last line. Here are your choices - please let me know what you think. If you don't like these, then e-mail me. That last line keeps giving me fits. "It still doesn't stop my heart from hurting." "It won't stop my heart from breaking though." "Too bad words can't fix a heartache." "insert your quote here." I think I like the second one more...I'm not sure. Thanks for reading!