CHAPTER 27- BRIDGE BUILDING-MY ATTEMPT AT SILLY HUMOUR

[CRIMSON'S HANGAR]

<Doktor J>: So...this is where you ran off to, Konstantin Mardyev. I see you have taken up the same cause as us.

<Mardyev>: Not likely. But for now, I suppose you five and I are allied.

<Professor G>: You put my pilot in hospital, you'd better be.

<Mardyev>: I put him in MY hospital, G. Just remember that.

<Master O>: Wufei is up and up now, although he still should be resting.

<Mardyev>: He's better than before, thanks to you. He's not the pathetic whiner I met in China.

<Instructor L looks at HeavyArms>: You did an impressive job on HeavyArms. What do you think, H?

<Instructor H>: Amazing....you say this Kai system enables it to work in space now? And those double chainguns..won't it run out of ammo faster?

<Mardyev pats HeavyArms Kai>: Not when it's running on photon bullets.

<Five>:???

<Mardyev>: My analysis of this Mercurius unit, which you five designed, shows that the Planet Defensors are made out of plasma-photonic residue. Our allies on the Aquarius managed to break it down using fire,but we don't have much time. Photon bullets will do the trick.

<Doktor J>: You've taken Mercurius apart. Do you intend to include it with HeavyArms?

<Mardyev>: No. I'm thinking of building a shielding system for our units,your Gundams included. Data on these new units from Nagaki have piqued my intrest.

(Master O flips through a dictionary)

<Doktor J>: Have you heard from you mentor, Howard?

<Mardyev>: No. But I know he's building some giant battle cruiser for some reason or another. I just hope he lives long enough to meet me again.

<Doktor J>: He'd be proud of you, Mardyev.

<Mardyev>:My name is Crimson.

<LeoScorpion>: Crimson! Stealth Trucks are on standby! Is the Gundam unit secure?

<Crimson>: Sally Po and her crew are looking for Gundams. H, your pilot has lost his memory, so I am going to give this Gundam to those people that are looking for him.

<LeoScorpion>: Load it up!

<Crimson>: You take care of that shipment, Mille! Meryl! It must get to Howard's compound ASAP.

<Millie/Meryl>: Yessir! (salute)

<Crimson>: Oh, and please stick this note from Phantom. He faxed it to me earlier when he heard I took HeavyArms.

<Millie reads note>: It's in Chinese....

<Crimson>: Move, already!

(SpaceScorpions load up HeavyArms and boost away)

<Doktor J>: You have a strange look on your face, Crimson...

<Crimson>: This is the first time in a long time I've ever given something to anyone...

(Noventa Walks in)

<Doktor J>: Oh, President Noventa!

<Noventa>: I'm not president anymore, J....how long has it been?

<Professors shake Noventa's hand>: We thought peace died with you....

<Noventa>: Which one of you killed me?

(Professors stand with mouths gaping)

<Doktor J>: It was mine. Heero yuy killed your friends....and I gave him the order to do it.

(Noventa remembers Sylvia's words from two chapters ago)

<Noventa>: He ws mistaken. Stupid child, but only mistaken. You trained him well, J.As did the rest of you. But look what your quest for revenge has dragged us all into!

<Five>: Yes....we escalted this conflict without even knowing it....instead of hurting OZ, we destroyed much of the Alliance's forces...

<Noventa>:I have nothing more to say to you. Go and fix broken wiring or soemthing....I have to pee....

<Roberta>: You have to forgive him, Doktor J.....the wounds run deep from New Edwards....

<Noventa opens door again>: Damn. A closet.

(Noventa goes into the real men's room)

<Doktor J>: *sigh* War makes us all hate each other....

[OUTER SPACE]

<Millie>: B-oo-ring....sending over this hunk A junk over to some guy we don't even know...

<Meryl>: Look on the bright side, we're not going to fight anybody.

(HeavyArms is tied down,Heero hides in truck)

<Heero>: I'd better be quiet. (takes out pistol)

<Meryl>: It's that boy without a shirt, Millie.

<Millie>: He thinks we can't see him? We invented stealth technology,ehhhhh.

(Millie presses button, box falls on Heero)

(Heero faints)

<Millie>: Naive, eh? *wink* We'll leave him at that castle we're supposed to drop this thing off at.

<Crimson, on comm laughing>: You what??? you beat Heero yuy?

<Millie nods>: We dropped that box of comic books on him,Crimson! But par your orders, we're not gonna kill im, we're just gonna drop him off at Sanq Castle!

(Heero is still KO'ed)

<Crimson>: Ah, those two......

<Doktor J>: Heero wanted to get his Gundam back. Now he gets Relena instead:)

(Machines whirr and click)

<LeoScorpion>: Crimson....what is that thing? It looks like.....some sort of plate!

<Crimson>: I call it the Super Shield. The Five Deserters here helped me design it. It'll help us repel anything OZ can throw at us, if we can complete it.

(Scientists wave)

[SCORPION BURROW BAR]

<NewsScorpion>: Look at this, Silver....

<Victor Quinze>: The OZ organization has oppresed the colonies long enough! It is time for us to make a stand!

(Spacenoids cheer)

<Silver presses button>: Stupid polichickens. I'd rather watch ESPN.

<Michael Buffer>: Let's get ready to rumbllllllleeeeeeee!! (Bell rings)

<Silver and Thugs>: This is more like it! Let the punches roll!!

<Ma>: Go gettim, Lewis!

<Thug>: Cmon Tua! Hit im in the chin! Yeeah!

What the Scorpions are missing is actually very important to their future. In a distant colony, the scheming Victor Quinze is forming an army to try reverse the control of OZ for his own gain. What he needs is a powerful figure to anchor his rebellion. Disappointed that Tiger Woods refused to endorse him, Quinze looks for another figurehead...

[DEPRESSED ANTI-HEROES UNION BAR]

<Zechs downs another beer>: Larrry.....hand me some mo' juice..

<Larry>: You really should take it easy, pal....

<Zechs>: I failed to protect those I cared about....

<Larry>: We get people like you everyday, dude......don't worry, your type usually get recognition in the end.

<Zechs>; Jus' gimme one more beeeeer......(faints)

<Gato and Char>: Look at im...*hic* he's as stoned as a gravel beach! Hey pal! *hic* Are you alright?

<Zechs>: Uh.......So my Wing Zero isn't enough....? (is helped up by Gato and Char)

<Char>: Hey bubby...*hic* where you goooin? Jus' one mo; dance...

<Zechs>: I'm going to see my sister.....maybe she can help me sort all this mess out.....

<Gato>: Fine with me! Free drinks on me and Daikun here!

(Three cheers for Gato!)

<Zechs>: Little worrier....I hope you don't mind me visiting....

(walks out of bar)

[LATER]

<Quinze screams>: I SAID,WHERE IS MILLIARDO PEACECRAFT?

<Drunk Gato crosseyes>: Put it here, dude.......my name is Milliardo Peacecraft......will you marry me??.....

<Quinze drops Gato>: Damnit....he's left.

<Char>; Actually he's right....hhehahahahaaaaa *bang* Ow...

<White Fangers>: He's gone, Quinze.No trace.

<Quinze>; Oh well, I'll have a tall cool one, barkeeper.

<Larry>: Sorry, you have to be a depressed anti-hero. You look more like a villian. Sorry, house rules.

<Quinze looks at member roster>: Crimson Cancer, Anovel Gato, Punisher, Char Aznable, Jubei Yamada....Zechs Marquise! Where is he?

<Larry>: I heard he wanted to go home or something.... (cleans glass)

(Quinze holds out a dollar): Well, I heard he wanted to see a relative...my memory ain't so good...

(QUinze holds out another dollar): No, it's coming....

(Quinze throws his wallet at Larry): Nope, I do not know.

<Quinze>: What have I been doing all this time then?

<Larry>: Paying for their drinks.....(points to super drunk Gato and Char)

<Quinze slams fist>; Arrrrr! No cab fare!

[SANQ KINGDOM,PEACEMILLON BUILDING SITE]

(Stealth Truck hanging from a tree)

<Millie, rubbing head>: I wish you'd let me drive.

<Meryl>: We're here, aren't we? And that boy is safe?

<Heero, trapped in a fridge>: Brrrr....this is cold....

<Mille gives thumbs up>: Let's get this stuff to Howard.

<Noin points gun at them>: Hands up! Who are you?

<Millie>; We were sent to give you these.....

[HOWARD'S JOINT]

<Howard>: This Gundam unit is most welcome, girls.

<Heero in blanket>: Brrrrrrrr...........

<Relena>; HEEERO! (hugs Heero) Dayum, you're cold.

<Heero>: That's what most of my dates say.

<Millie>: You're welcome, Mister Howard:) Oh, and Miss Sally?

<Sally Po>: yes?

<Millie>: Our Boss Phantom Scorpio said to give this to you.

"To Life, From Death".

<Meryl>: Our field commander Crimson Cancer will send you another helpful gadget sometime soon. He's almost finished making it.

<Dorothy>: OOOOO, another war machine?

<Meryl looks at Millie>: Could they be related?

<Dorothy tugs at Millie>: Tell me already! I'm dying to know!

<Meryl>: Then you'll just have to keep on dying:)

(Except for Dorothy, everyone laughs)

<Heero>: Dying...it hurts like hell!! (Relena laughs) Get off my lap, please.

<Relena>; Oh...

<Millie and Meryl salute>: We're off now!

(Dorothy grabs Millie's uniform and begs to be taken along)

<Dorothy>; The suspense is killing me!

<Millie>; Gettoff me! (shakes leg)

<Meryl bites Dorothy>: Off!

<Dorothy>: Ow! I feel like Evander Holyfield...only sexier..

(Millie and Meryl run off to the truck) : No WONDER we didn't join them.....if these are the good guys, I'd hate to be the bad guy!

[AQUARIUS HANGAR]

<Hilde>: I can't wait to meet this Phantom Scorpio....if he's as good as you say he is, then I'm sure he and Duo will get along.

<Sylvia>: He's the real deal. He saved a lot of people, including my Grandma from OZ.

<Duo in bandages>: I'd like to see this "Original Shinegami" myself....

<Purus>; Here it comes! Aquarius!

(Aquarius makes one of those slow, fateful docks)

<Hilde>; The suspense is killing me...

(Equipment, including the Elvis sofa is carried out of the ship)

<Nagaki and the Ex-Bunds walk out>: Good to be back! (stretches) Let's go to the Scorpion Burrow....

(They walk off to the bar)

<Hilde looks left and right>: Where is he?

<Rose walks out>: Duo! Shinegami II! How are ya! Oh dear, looks like you got beaten bad!

<Duo>; Yeah...that lunatic you call Crimson Cancer did this to me....

<Rose shakes finger at Duo>: You should have given up. When that guy is on a sugar high, you better watch out....

(Ex-Bunds call Rose in) : ROund Five already!

<Rose runs to join them>: Remember, Duo! War is bad for your health!

<Hilde stares at empty docking space>: Where are you, Phantom?

(Phantom comes out)

<Hilde>: Thomas....Walker??

next chapter