Shattered and Broken

By Melville's Best Friend

She was once again crying herself to sleep. Her cold fingers wrapped around her tiny frame, as she tried to shelter herself from the demons which threatened to tear her apart from the inside. Though she should have been used to them, the tears still stung her cheeks. Each one that fell tore like daggers into her skin, pulling her soul into a never-ending pit of sorrow. Ultimately it would end up the same: she'd tucker herself out, and fall asleep dreaming about him-the only one that mattered in this world. She chocked on a sob. Sitting up, she reached for a worn-out, salted, from her tears, teddy that he'd given her before they got married. She traced the outlines of the bear's eyes, and saw her own saddened ones in the darkened orb of the bear. She herself wasn't used to this kind of depression. She hadn't felt this since she'd heard that he had died. She thought that was pain. Never in her wildest dreams did she picture him leaving her. Never

Don't leave me in all this pain

She remembered every painstaking movement he made. Every whisper. Everything that happened the night he left was forever etched into her memory. It was so cold. It was raining that night. She followed him out, unable to believe that he was actually doing what he stated he would.  He had claimed that he didn't love her. How could he not love her? She knew that every night he'd been with her, he told his soul that she was the one for him. Every fiber in his being believed it, or they never would have gotten together. She didn't buy the fact that he had suddenly stopped loving her. It was impossible. 

Don't leave me out in the rain

He had left her alone in the rain, in the dark. He justleft. He never once turned back. The only word he spoke was goodbye. There was such harshness in his voiceit reminded her of the soldier he had once been. She fell to the ground, tears, though unable to be seen through the rain, fell in cascades upon her cheeks. She didn't have the heart to run after him. She had guessed that she was weak from that. If she truly loved him, she should've followed. That's what her head told her. Her heart, however, spoke an entirely different language. It told her that this is what would make him happy. All she wanted was for him to be happy, and if she caused his grief

Come back and bring back the smile

She laid back down in her bed. It was so hard for her to go on. No one seemed to understand that. It got to points where she could've sworn that she couldn't feel her own heart beat. She'd told everyone her heart was broken, and it truly was. She began to uncontrollably sob, and she shook violently. The moonlight played with her figure. She looked almost holy as she wept.  She got out of bed, grasping at anything she could. Breaking the majority of her things was her way of alleviating stress. She had currently grabbed a picture of their wedding day. Without realizing what it was, she threw it against the door, shattering it into a million pieces. She quickly realized what she had done, and crept over to the picture.

Come and take these tears away

She crawled into a ball and cried harder. She was on the verge of collapsing. She couldn't live another day like this.  This was too much on her. She had stopped so many of her daily routines. Her friends had tried to comfort her, but they never could reach her. Her eyes dulled every time anyone came near. The tears threatened to fall again as she looked at the happy expression on his face. She held it close to her heart, and let her heart start to crack. It was shattering, and she couldn't stop it anymore. She rocked her self back and forth, as she began to remember him.

I need your arms to hold me now

She realized that her own arms were her only shelter now. She looked down at her hands. Her hands had saved countless people. She used to think she had some of the strongest hands. Oh, but his were so much stronger. They had always protected her. She could feel them on her back, guiding her from danger; leading her to safety. He had always been there to comfort her, but nownow she had only herself to wipe away the tears. She gasped as a little of her heart fell at that thought. She was now her own protection, but she was so vulnerable. She couldn't even save herself from herself. She missed his protection so much.

The nights are so unkind

Oh, but she missed touching him even more. Every part about him was a little piece of heaven. Without physical contact, she could touch his soul. She could reach any part of him just by staring at his dark blue eyes. She had gotten lost in them so many times. It never failed to surprise her how many times she figured out new things about him that, seconds before, she'd never knows, just by looking at him. The moon stared at her from her position, smiling warmly. It was mocking her pain. How cruel a game to play. The sky never failed to let her forget. It always reminded her of what had been, and what never would be again. She looked at the moon. He had once told her that the moon was jealous of her eyes. How easily she'd listened to him, and believed him. He made her feel that nothing in the universe was more important to him than her. Every breath he took, he took for her.

Bring back those nights when I held you beside me

Back then, she'd listen to him while gently stroking his dark chocolate tresses. He would speak of everything that had happened to him that day. He'd tell her his dreams and aspirations. He'd tell her what he was most afraid of, and what he believed in. She'd take it all in like it was their last moment together. She remembered everything. She loved listening to him talk. He did so little of it outside of their bedroom, that when he did speak, she would open her heart and listen. She'd take every word like it was oxygen-like she needed it in order to stay alive.  His presence was all she needed to survive. Everything he held with him was a part of her. Remembering this, she broke down once more, as another piece of her heart fell. Her heart was shattering.

Un-break my heart

She cried into the picture of that beautiful day, ruining it with her tears. She stopped crying, and pressed her head against the cold wall. Sweat rolled down her forehead and mixed with her tears. She coughed, and quickly got up and ran to the restroom. She emptied the dinner in the bowl. This was yet another one of her nightly routines. She'd work herself up so much that she'd end up puking. After she'd finished, she dabbed her face with cold water. She remembered him standing behind her when she got ready. She could still see his reflection in the mirror, as she was allowed to shave him. She never once hurt him. Never. He destroyed all they had established in one night by revoking his vow to her.

Say you love me again

Her heart one again dropped a piece. She got in the shower, fully clothed, and turned on the cold water, unable to bear seeing him in the mirror. She cowered, sinking down in the shower. She moaned loud enough for him to hear, wherever he was. Her fists formed into those of pure agitation as she realized for the first time she would die without him. She coughed up blood, and it mixed with the water, and fell down the drain. This was all because her heart was breaking

Undo all this hurt you caused when you walked out the door

Once out of the shower, she walked out onto her balcony. The frigid air enwrapped her, as she found herself shaking. All she could think about was him-they had spent their first night together when he came to her balcony. She coughed, her body succumbing to the cold. She didn't care, however. How could she? There was nothing in this world for her if he was gone. She never even got the chance to ask him why he left. She never even said goodbye to him. She just let him walk away, with her life in his hands. Their future was never to be. They had talked so many times about children, and moving away from both their duties. They wanted so much for the world to contain only them. She remembered thinking when they were together, that she couldn't get enough of him, that she couldn't be close enough to him, and it would drive her mad. This, though this feeling was so much worse. She walked inside, unable to take the cold any longer.

And walked out of my life

She knew it wasn't long before she'd breathe her last. Her breath was becoming shallower as she sat down, once again with the teddy. She stroked its worn fuzz, thinking of the day he's given it to her. She leaned back in the chair, and let her heart fall once more, ready for the last piece to fall so she could be rid of the pain inside. She was still crying, although she made no movement, no sound. The tears fell freely down her pale white cheeks. He had once wiped away her tears. Every time he threatened to kill her, she was honored. No one could kill her but he. No one else held that right. She had lived through so many fights. So many people wanted to kill her, but she never let them. She would never die to anyone other than he. She realized that he was the one who was killing her. She whimpered, and pulled the teddy to her chest, feeling it awkwardly rise and fall with her abnormal breathing.

Un-cry these tears

She'd felt this way when he left on assignments, or missions, as he liked to call them. She was always worried that he would never come back. She guessed that's why she had savored every moment she had with him. She always believed, somewhere deep inside her heart, that he would always return. She had lost all hope the night he left, however. He seemed so determined to be rid of her that she couldn't bear going after him. He was her whole world, this man.  She loved his life more than her own, and she thought she had proved that to him every day. Without him, she didn't exist. Maybe he wanted her to die. Maybe, that's why he left. She couldn't shake these thoughts from her head. He wanted her dead? No. That couldn't be. Butit had to be. He truly didn't love her anymore.

I've cried so many nights

The phone rang. Her best friend always called her at this hour, because she had to be checked on. She couldn't find the strength to raise her hand. She couldn't move at all. She let the phone ring, knowing that the caller would soon stop by and check on her. But by the time he would get to her mansion, it would be too late. She shivered, and tried to call for help. No sound escaped her lips, and everything was fading. Tears still fell freely from her eyes, and she started coughing blood once more. She could feel one of the few remaining pieces of her heart fall.

Un-break my heartmy heart

The darkness was claiming her. As slowly as she felt it came, she wasn't afraid. He had never been afraid of death. As a matter of fact, he used to welcome it. He always said that before she came into his life, there was no reason for him to live. She never did understand that. Until now. Now she knew exactly what he meant. He needed someone to live for. Who did she have? She would have had a child, but she wouldn't have been in the same predicament now if there was a child in her arms. The baby would've been what she needed to keep on going. There never would be a baby now. Her one chance for that was diminished when he said goodbye. She would have named it after him. Her hero.

Take back that sad word goodbye

She realized that she had stopped coughing up blood. Her tears were quickly washing the stains on her cheeks away. Her carpet, she noticed, here and there were splotched with her coughing fits. She glanced over at a radio sitting on a table next to her chair. It took all her strength to turn on the cd that was inside it. Their song was on. The last of her nightly rituals, she would fall asleep to this song. The tears never ceased as the song played. They had first danced to this song. They played it at their wedding. He played it on their wedding night. She remembered how beautiful that night was. That's when she realized she never could get close enough to him. He had told her later the same thing. They would have given anything to be one being. It used to make her heart throb when she thought of hearing with his ears, seeing with his eyes. Now it made another piece of it fall into the shadow of darkness that would soon overcome her.

Bring back the joy to my life

She was always so happy with him. He could've told her that her dog had died, and she would have laughed and hugged him. She had, too. Nothing could touch her; nothing could phase her, when he was near. She had no soul now that he had left her. She had never laughed so hard in her life when he fell, tripped, or did something uncharacteristic. She had laughed so hard once that she actually thought her sides were going to explode. Their first Christmas together was joyous, too. He had gotten her a puppy, which she named Captain. She called him Captain Yuy when he wasn't around. It was the only way she could latch on to him without physical contact. She remembered how much she used to miss him. She used to sit on the balcony and not come in until he called. He would tell her to go to bed, that everything would be okay, and that he would be home soon. After he left, she stayed on the balcony for two days. He never came back. The tears fell harder down her cheeks, and her heart broke apart once more.

Don't leave me here with these tears

She could feel herself slowly fading. Her breaths became more and more shallow, and it soon hurt to breathe. She started coughing again.

Come and kiss the pain away

She started thinking about her last kiss. That was over four weeks ago. He had not kissed her goodbye. She groaned as she lifted the teddy to her mouth, and gently kissed it's fuzzy head. It was wet from her tears, and she tasted them on his fur. She was kissing him goodbye. This bear was Heero, and she was telling him goodbye.

I can't forget the day you left; time is so unkind

She started to shake again, her clothes still wet from the shower. She sat there, crying, coughing, and shaking, still listening to the song. Never stopping. She imagined listening with his ears

And life is so cruel without you here beside me

She could feel the last piece of her heart dangle. With one more choked sob, she felt her heart fall. With the shattering of the last piece of her soul, she had succumb to the darkness. With her last breath, she managed to whisper, "I love you, Heero". The song was still playing when her friend entered the room. He wasn't shocked to see her there. He didn't try to wake her. He sat beside her, stroking her hand, and wept for her soul. The song continued to play as Quatre listened to the last thing she had heard.

E la fede che, hai accesoin noi, sento che ci salvera

(Lead us to a place; guide us with your grace, to a place where we'll be safe.)

Un-break my heart. Say you love me again. Undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life. Un-cry these tears. I've cried so many nights. Un-break my heart.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, or the songs Un-break My Heart, and The Prayer, sung by Celine Dion, and Andrea Bocelli. The Prayer is a beautiful song.  I've seen people cry when they hear it. You people out there should listen to it.  I was thinking about maybe doing this fic in Heero's point of view. Lemme know if you guys like it.  I was in a depressing mood when I wrote it, and, surprisingly, it didn't take that long. Love you guys! Bye!!!!