Shades of Grey

I visited Kristine's web-site the other day and was totally inspired by her message concerning the shades of grey. Then I remembered this great song by Billy Joel, and couldn't help but do this fic. It's just kind of a what-if - there's a little romance at the end (like you're all surprised). Anyway, hope you like it. This is for you, Kristine, my fellow sufferer in the torments of writer's block.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or the song "Shades of Grey" by Billy Joel (love him). Here's the story.

AC 197 - Shortly after Endless Waltz

Relena let the door slam behind her as she left the conference. No one was agreeing on anything, and in her attempt to help them sort out their differences all the representatives had turned on her. The stinging comments came from all directions; some criticizing her former stance on complete pacifism, others fuming because she had recently admitted that her ideals were not plausible. She had asked them to come up with a solution to maintain peace, but also have a plan to protect it if a threat came. More and more often, she felt as though she just wanted to disappear, but Relena knew that if she left, they might never reach a solution. Or would they? Right now she seemed to be more of a hindrance to a resolution than anything else. Standing outside waiting for her car to be brought around, the process of sorting through her thoughts continued. One thing was for certain. She was floundering. A clear solution no longer existed, and believing that one did was a mistake she had made in the past.

Some things were perfectly clear,
Seen with the vision of youth
No doubts and nothing to fear,
I claimed the corner on truth
These days it's harder to say
I know what I'm fighting for
My faith is falling away
I'm not that sure anymore

"The evils of war - the horror of battle." These were all expressions she had used. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that perhaps no one was right or wrong. Truth is subjective. It could be said that there is really no good or evil in this world, but merely a difference of perception. If other people clung to their ideals as strongly as she had, who's to say that they were wrong? With a sigh, Relena knew what she had to do. She sat down at her desk and wrote her resignation address.

Shades of grey wherever I go
The more I find out the less that I know
Black and white is how it should be
But shades of grey are the colors I see

Heero sat at his laptop, forever searching for the looming threats to peace. He didn't want this anymore; he didn't want to be called to fight or kill. The missions were over. After the downfall of Mariemaia he had said that it was finished, but his concern for Relena kept him from letting go of his life as a soldier completely. "No agreement reached in the Earth/Colony Summit on Armaments," he read. "It's never going to end, is it?" he sighed.

Once there were trenches and walls
And one point of every view
Fight 'til the other man falls
Kill him before he kills you
These days the edges are blurred,
I'm old and tired of war
I hear the other man's words
I'm not that sure anymore

Switching off the computer, Heero walked slowly across the sparsely furnished apartment and switched on the television. Scenes of the Summit flashed in front of him, ending with Relena walking out of the room. The footage stopped abruptly as the news anchor began to talk excitedly. "This just in. We have received conformation that Vice-Foreign Minister Relena Darlian is resigning from her post, effective this evening." Heero stared in wide-eyed disbelief at the screen. Snapping out of his trance, he grabbed his jacket and boarded the first available shuttle to earth.

As the spacecraft moved through the stars, Heero thought back to the days of the war. He had believed in Relena's dream, but he had been realistic enough to see that peace needed to be protected. There would never be a world without weapons. It was foolish to believe otherwise. He had fought against those who held their beliefs as strongly as he and Relean had. No side would ever be truly victorious no matter how many battles were fought, or avoided. Relena had knew that, and now it was crushing her in the eyes of the world.

Shades of grey are all that I find
When I come to the enemy line
Black and white was so easy for me
But shades of grey are the colors I see

The media formed a nearly impenetrable ring around her as she descended from the podium, having just finished her address. As the reporters badgered her for comments, she kept her head down until she reached the doors. "I'm not the Vice-Foreign Minister any longer," she said defiantly." Her exit will still blocked. "I will always continue to hope and pray for peace, but I can no longer aid the cause in this capacity." They glared at her, mouths agape. Taking advantage of their state of shock she slipped through doors.

Heero had watched Relena's speech on the large screen in Earth's shuttle port. 'So she really did it. Must have been difficult for her.' He picked up his small bag and stopped at the curb to hail a taxi. A flower vendor was on the corner, and a large bouquet of flowers caught Heero's eye. He paid for them and quickly ducked into the waiting cab. As he gave the driver Relena's address, a small smile crept across his face. Now the war was truly over. For both of them. No one could ever force them to fight again.

Now with the wisdom of years
I try to reason things out
And the only people I fear
are those who never have doubts
Save us all from arrogant men,
and all the causes they're for
I won't be righteous again
I'm not that sure anymore

Relena collapsed on her bed. Though she was extremely tired, she felt a strange sort of excitement, and unfamiliar feeling. What was it? Freedom? She was no longer a political warrior. She didn't have to support the weight of some unattainable ideal. A frown crossed her face for just a moment when she thought of what the morning papers and news broadcasts would say. "It really doesn't matter," she reminded herself, finding the teddy bear that Heero had given her so long ago. Secretly she wondered if he hated her now, if he thought she had given up. 'I've aborted my own mission for the benefit of the cause,' she thought. "He would understand," she said aloud, "At least, I hope so."

Shades of grey wherever I go
The more I find out the less that I know
Ain't no rainbows shining on me
Shades of grey are the colors I see

A knock on her bedroom door made her jump. The maid was usually asleep at this time of night, and Relena hoped nothing was wrong. "What is it, Rosa?" she called. No answer. With a groan, Relena pushed herself up from her bed and walked across the room. She opened the door and the teddy bear slipped from her arms. Heero stood there, expressionless and unreadable as always. Unable to speak, Relena took a step backwards, which Heero saw as an invitation to enter the room.

Regaining her composure took a few minutes, and Heero's icy glare certainly didn't help her along. When she finally managed to speak, all she could say was, "You know?" It was more of a question, which he answered by nodding silently. Relena swallowed hard. Did he really understand or had he come here to talk her out of it - or even kill her? She pushed the thought from her mind, but her confusion grew as Heero reached under the jacket he had draped over his arm and pulled out a bouquet of flowers, which he offered to her. She accepted them, marveling at the snow-white lilies and roses. "Th... Thank you..." she stammered. Again he only nodded in reply, yet he didn't try to leave, but only stared at her intently, as if waiting for her to explain.

"I wasn't able to help anymore, Heero," she said lowly. "If anything, I was hurting the process. I've seen that there is no clear path, no definitive right or wrong. Yet everyone expects me to. All I see are shades of grey from the places in-between." Having said what she wanted to say, Relena turned her attention back to the flowers, smiling slightly, then looked back up at Heero. He stepped closer to her.

"Our part is finished," he said, and this time it was she who nodded in agreement.

"We've done what we can for peace, for the earth and the colonies," she said assuredly. "Of course it saddens me to know that the only way I could help was to leave." To her great surprise, Heero reached out to embrace her. Holding Relena close, he rested his chin on the top of her head, feeling the soft waves of her hair against his cheek.

"I know the feeling," Heero whispered. "That was the only way I could help you."

"I don't need that kind of help anymore," was Relena's reply. She looked up in earnest, finally seeing what she had always longed to see in those cold blue eyes if his.

And so began their life together on the day that they left the realm of the black and white behind, content to live on in the shades of grey.

Ok, it might have been a little OOC, but you did get the message, right? Don't hate me too much, I'm not advocating giving up. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed. Take care, everyone! - Stella