//words in parentheses// song lyrics

I Surrender
by sanity wrecker

Every night, I watch her. Every night, I feel her heart beating with mine. I picture her sweet smile in my mind, as if she's smiling at me. Not that I deserve to be smiled at. I have nothing to have smiled at.

//There's so much life I've left to live
And this fire is burning still
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the will
To stand for every dream
And forsake this solid ground//

What would anyone think of me as I say this? I'm telling you, the rest of the fellow Gundam pilots. You know who I'm talking about. I don't even know why I'm telling you guys. But that's beside the point. I'm opening up. Consider it practice for her.

//And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I'm in love with you//

What wouldn't I give to have her in my arms? Someone tell me. I never knew what she was making me feel at first. I still don't entirely know even now. But I know this. She's my only chance to live. I want to live. I don't want to devote my life to nothing but war and pain. I've lived out enough of life doing that. But when I met her, everything changed. For a while, it seemed to be the same. But then I started thinking of her. Everyday, I thought of her more and more. And everyday now, I think of her even more. She always wanted me, I could always see that. But I never interpreted it until now. And now, I will. I am going do the one thing that I never had to do in my mission.

//Cause you know I'd surrender everything
to feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender//

I can't sleep anymore. Each night is spent, dreaming and thinking of her. I've reflected on all the missions I did before and after I met her. Before, I just did it at the sound of Doctor J's voice. Then afterâ¤I didn't know, but I at least knew it was no longer for Doctor J. For a while, I thought it was for peace. I thought it was for the colonies and for earth and peace. But it wasn't. It never was about peace, earth, the colonies, none of that. It was all for the one behind peace. The one who maintained the peace though she didn't have to. The one who gave up her life to peace. The way I gave up my life for the mission. But the reason why she gave up her life is the reason why I've got another chance to live life for once. But life is meaningless without someoneâ¤someone to make it worth living at allâ¤

//I know I can't survive
another night away from you
You're the reason I go on
And now, I need to live the truth
Right now, there's no better time
From this fear, I will break free
And I'll live again with love
And no they can't take that from me
And they will seeâ¤

Cause you know I'd surrender everything
to feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender//

I don't believe I'm here. I'm standing outside her house, looking up at her balcony. Wondering if what I'm doing is right. But then, I tell myself, this is the one thing I've been waiting for so long. This is the reason why I'm not the same man I was long ago. Living life out for a mission. No longer. It's just going to be the living life out part.

I call her name. I feel so dizzy as I do it. Her nameâ¤it's not just a name to me. It's my cry of hope. My call of peace. My scream of unreleased passion just ready to burst at the seams. Myâ¤I don't know. Maybe it's a prayer too. I'm not sure, you tell me.

She runs to the window. I can see as her heart leaps in his chest as she looks upon me. I don't know I'm climbing up the trellis to reach her. Once I swing myself over the balcony, I stare at her staring at me. I can see she's genuinely happy to see me at long last. Maybe I shouldn't have waited this long to do this. Don't be shocked at this. I take off my tank top. There's more meaning to it besides sex. It's stripping away the pain and suffering I brought upon this whole universe. Upon the colonies, the other guys, earth, the people closest to me, the people I killed and maimed, her, and myself. This is my way of saying that I'm ready to start a new. And she's the only one I showed it to. Because she's the one I want to start a new with.

//Every night's getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger, babe
I'll swallow my pride and I'll be alive
Can't you hear my call
I surrender all//

I cradle her in my arms as she cries. I feel like crying myself. She's finally mine. This is what I was born for, wasn't it? I realize now, as I take her into her room, that I had been running. Never once had I run from a mission. Not from a mission. But from another human being? From something like this? I was resisting my destiny. Now, the first thing I will do to repair the damage is to not forget what I have done, but to banish it from my memory. To not let it ruin my chances of life. Not to let it hold me down. I am strong enough to carry so much, I am so much lighter.

// Cause you know I'd surrender everything
to feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender//

I'm aborting one mission, and starting a better one I know I'm capable of completing. I know I can love this woman to the point where her own strain can't touch her. As I caress her silky skin against mine, she feels more worth to me than any mission I've ever accomplished. I can't free her now. Not at the expense of the moment. But I just freed myself. I want her to enjoy it too, so I'll let her savor it before I think of something to save her from her oppression. I give up my Gundam. I undid the straps and shut it down for the last time. My next mission does not require a Gundam, and it is not really a mission at all.

It's more of a duty/destiny I should've started on long ago. But if it makes you feel comfortable and reminds you it's still me, Mission: accepted. I surrender. Mission: complete.

//Right here, right now
I'd give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you

Right here, right now
I'd give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you//